


Porcelain

by Sepultus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Holocaust, M/M, WWII
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 75,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sepultus/pseuds/Sepultus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His matted, sun bright hair is hard to miss. His tanned skin dirty from sleeping on the ground. Clothes faded and holey. Shoeless. An imperfection, a nobody, in the hot Poland summer heat of 1940. And despite all of this, he gets a perfect, porcelain skinned somebody to fall in love with him.</p><p>This work is originally posted on my fanfiction.net account of the same name. I am archiving it here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Him

I had not known anyone like him existed… at first.

His hair and eyes was as dark as night. His face free of childhood scars and stress. His skin smooth, soft, porcelain white. His shoulders broad and strong. His arms were strong also, but wrapped around me were gentle like a mother’s touch. He wasn’t buff, but slender. Everything about him was slender. His fingers especially. I loved his fingers the most. I loved how they curled up in anger and relaxed when sleeping. How they acted out what he was saying when he was talking and pointed lazily at things. How they ran through and tugged at my hair in intimacy as I pressed all the right spots. How they splayed across my back as he released.

He was always dressed in the finest clothes. He was very formal and had formal clothes to go with his formality. Pressed white, clean shirts. Black with white pin-stripes slacks and black shoes in which you could see your reflection perfectly. This he wore when he was going out casually. He had suits of every color. And socks to go with them. But he never wore them. Not once. He always wore a black suit with a metallic blue necktie when he had to go somewhere important. By the look of his face most of the time, though, I could tell he wanted to wear something more casual. More casual than his usual casual clothes.

He was perfect in all his ways. The way he walked. The way he talked. The way he slept. The way he awoke. The way he glared. The way he laughed.

He was truly perfect.


	2. Oranges

“Stop! Thief! Thief!” A lady was chasing me as she threw items from her purse at me along with her screams of words and curses. Her black and white checkered hat flew off her head, exposing her curly blond hair. I heard the clicking of her heels stop, then start in the opposite direction, getting fainter and fainter, until I couldn’t her them anymore. The wind must have her hat now. I kept running, the stolen bread safely in my arms, until I came to a familiar alley. My stomach growled as I ran down it. I put my hand over it; as if it was a way of telling it, ’Hold on for a few seconds’. I went behind the trashcans in the back, plopped myself down, and feasted on my prize. I could tell the bread was just freshly baked because of how soft and warm it was. This was the best kind of bread. It was really buttery and it always made me feel warm inside, even on hot days like today.

I got up from my spot and headed out the alley to wander the city, eating my warm bread. My matted hair shaded my eyes and kept my forehead cool on this hot day. The sun was high, so it must have been around noon when I heard the dog’s bark. Everyone knew that when you heard that particular bark, Kiba and Akamaru were coming. Those two were the wildest pair in all Poland. And the loudest. I heard that the neighboring countries could hear them and they would hide, for they thought it was a monster. But I knew this couldn’t be true. 

They were thieves, just like me, but they had something that I didn’t and that was a sense of smell. Now, I had a sense of smell, but not like Kiba’s. It’s said that he could smell bread baking from the border (which is really far from Warsaw)! But I knew that this couldn’t be true either. But he could smell food from quite the distance.

But no matter how wild, how loud, those two were, you never saw them coming. The only way you could tell that Kiba and Akamaru had struck was when the window of the bakery of whatever store he stole from broken and dog piss on the floor. If the window of a store was broken, but no dog piss (and visa versa), then it wasn’t them.

I was turning a corner when broken glass of a pastry shop went flying onto the sidewalk and street. I felt a rush of air go past me and fur brush past my leg. I turned to see the two, but there was nothing to see but people going up and down the sidewalk. That rush of air and brush of fur must have been Kiba and Akamaru.

“Damn it all! Look at this mess!” The pastry man cursed. “When I get my hands on that ragged boy and his damned mutt, I’ll kill ’em.” The pastry man came out his shop, shaking his flour gunked hands, “I’ll kill ‘em with my own two hands!” He shook his gunked hands in the faces of the people walking by. I veered to the other side of the street, not wanting his hands in my face. I laughed the whole way over.

And as I raised my bread up to my mouth to take a bite, I realized that there isn’t any bread to bite into. I looked back across the street to see if I dropped it in all the excitement. It was nowhere to be found. I looked on the ground on my side of the street to see if I dropped it. No bread found. In the search of finding my bread, it clicked in my head.

That bastard! 

I looked back in the direction where Kiba and Akamaru ran in, already knowing I wasn’t going to see them. I huffed at the loss of my bread for today. I usually stole one loaf of bread a day. Two if needed. I wasn’t going to steal another, for it was getting unbearably hot to run. I walked quickly, but not so quick to where I would overheat, to the middle of the city. Behind a barbershop was the cellar I lived in. It wasn’t the best home ever, but it was all I had and I was extremely proud of how I decorated it.

Everything in the cellar was some kind of shade of orange. The walls, the icebox in the left corner, the cover balled up on my mattress on the floor, the braided rug at the end of the stairs, the rail. Even the concrete floor was orange. I had two paintings hanging up on the walls. The painting hanging up over my bed was a still life painting of an orange all by its lonesome in a glass fruit bowl. I didn’t know what still life was, but the painting was amazing. What was more amazing was that the word ‘orange’ had two different meanings! It was a color and a fruit! I always thought that every word had one meaning, but ‘orange’ was different. 

Unique.

The other painting hanging on the opposite wall was my favorite (even though the orange painting was orange). It had silhouettes of a family of three. The shortest of the three, obviously the child, was in the middle, being swung back and forth by the mother, on the right, and the father, on the left. (I would sometimes imagine myself as the child and what I would like my mother and father to look like.) They were on the beach during the sunset. Oranges, reds, yellows, and purples radiated from the setting sun and colored the sky. And though I couldn’t see their faces, I could tell they were happy. I could never look at this painting for too long without tears blinding my view of it. Something in my chest and throat would always tangle itself up.

This was the need of love from a real family.


	3. Shrimp

One minute, I’m by the river minding my own business (searching for treasure). The next, I’m being dragged away by two taller boys. I punched and kicked and yelled and cursed, but their grip on my arms never let up. I was turned the opposite direction and the early sun was in my eyes, so I couldn’t see who my kidnappers were. One of the boys kept saying over and over again, How troublesome, how troublesome…

I was eventually thrown on to a pile of hay in a wide, empty horse stall. Black dots blotted my vision from the sudden change in lighting. Whispers were coming from every direction and silhouettes gathered around me. I tried to make out their features, but my eyes were still adjusting, and squinting was proving frustrating and useless. The scent of hay filled my nose as I took a deep, deep breath, calming my frustration, but I could tell that my face (if they could even see my face in this horrible lighting) displayed what I was feeling.

“Someone open a window. Just a bit. I want to see him better,” a voice finally said. A rather chubby boy waddled his way towards the window and open it just a crack. He also opened two other windows and the room wasn’t too bright or too dark.

“Ah, he really is a shrimp!” said a boy in the weirdest shade of green I’ve ever seen. I jumped up at him, just realizing what he said.

“What?! Who are you callin’ a shrimp?!” I hissed, pulling down on his shirt so I would meet his eyes.

Suddenly, my face was hot with embarrassment at the action I did.

Still holding on to his shirt, I pushed the green boy back to standing, then pulled him down again, then pushed him back up and let go of his shirt. I looked at the boys that surrounded me, my face growing hotter as I looked at them all. Each one of them was taller than me. The only boy closest to my height was this brown-haired boy with large red upside-down triangles on both of his cheeks. He was maybe three centimeters taller.

“Aww, he’s blushing!” Laughter.

“It’s okay, kid. We’ll be especially careful not to step on you.” More laughter.

“He’s so short that--” the boy with the upside-down triangles was cut off by a dark-haired boy. He put one finger over the other boy’s lips, hushing him.

“Did you only bring him here to only make fun of him or to have him help us with our problem?”

“Help you?!” I snapped. “Why would I help you guys? If you really wanted my help, you would have at least tried to make a good first impression. From what I see, you all are fucking jerks.”

“Whoa, whoa! Little guy, big and bad words!”

“Kiba, that’s enough. You’re--”

“Kiba? The Kiba?” I looked up at him. I couldn’t believe it. “Kiba with the little dog Akamaru?” Akamaru, who was sleeping in a pile of hay in the corner woke up at the sound of his name and wobbled his way over to Kiba. He flopped himself a little ways from Kiba’s feet and drifted back to sleep.

“Yeah! That’s me!” I could feel his pride radiating from him. “I see I got a fan! Unlike you losers. Haha!” Though, he wasn’t laughing much when his fan’s fist met his mouth.

“You stole my only bread for the day the other day, bastard!” Akamaru jumped up at the sound of Kiba landing harshly on the floor. He looked up at me, my fist still balled up, then to Kiba, who was in a daze. He put two and two together and started to growl at me.

Shit.

-

All the boys and I were in a circle in the middle of the stall I was dumped in earlier, munching on sausages. My face hurt like a bitch from Akamaru. Scratches and bite marks littered my face, arms, and legs. I made a mental note to myself to stay as far away from Akamaru as possible. 

I took a bite of my sausage, “Did you bring me here just to get torn to pieces by a rabid dog?“ This earned me a growl and a glare from not only Akamaru, but Kiba also. I silently gulped. “I-I mean, I think lowly of you all already. You shouldn’t want to make it worse.”

“You’re right.” the boy with wearing the sunglasses said. “We wouldn’t want to make it worse. So, without wasting anymore time,” he stood up and walked out of the stall and went to one at the way end. He motioned us to follow him. When we met up with him, all the other boys sighed at the sight. Two loaves of bread and a five thick, yard-long sausage sticks was all that was in there.

“Okay, so you hardly have any food. What does that have to do with you guys kidnapping me?” I asked, getting to the point where I just want them to leave me alone.

“It’s not only that. There are rumors going around that there’s going to be a war. And war means food shortages. Plus it’s good to have extra food during Winter-time.” the boy in green explained.

“What’s winter?” I had heard of war and food shortages before. It’s all grown-ups talked about it seemed, but “winter” was not a word I was overly familiar with.

“Are you serious? You’ve never heard of winter?” Kiba looked shocked and so did everyone else expect for the boy in sunglasses, I think. I couldn’t tell if he was shocked or not, for the lower part of his face was covered by the high collar of his shirt and his eyes were hidden, of course.

“Winter is one of the four seasons.” the green said with a big smile on his face.

“Four of them?” I was amazed. I had not heard of the seasons before then.

“Yes! At the very beginning of the year, It’s still Winter. Then when the snow melts. Flowers start to bloom in all its youthful glory and it gets warm, you know it’s Spring! (I could tell this was his favorite season.) Then goes toward the middle of the year, it gets hotter and you know it’s Summer, like it is right now. Then it starts to get a bit cold again and the leaves on the trees start to turn into beautiful oranges and reds and yellows and you know then that it’s Autumn. It gets super cold and snow starts to fall and it’s Winter all over again at the end of the year!”

“Ahh, the four seasons. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Autumn.” I mumbled to myself, kind of confused. I really had no use of seasons and days and years and all that other nonsense. I knew when it got cold, I needed to get thicker clothes and eat warm food and when it got hot, get thinner clothes and eat cooler foods. That’s all I really needed to know.

“So, you want me to help to you guys gather food for a war that might not even happen and for Winter? Can’t you do that yourselves?” I concluded. 

“It’s more because of the rumors of the war. Better safe than sorry.” the boy in sunglasses said. “You’re tiny and fast and that’s what we need.” He walked over to me and held out his hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ve introduced ourselves to you properly.” I put my hand in his hand and he shook it once. 

“Shino.”

“Naruto.”

Everyone came around to me expect for Kiba and Akamaru. I already knew their names and if they were listening to all the times I said my name, they should know mine.

The boy in green was Lee. He had really bushy eyebrows. It was kind of scary. The red-haired boy was Gaara. He had weird black rings around his eyes like he never got any sleep. He had spoken not one time, excluding the time when he said his name. He scares me more than Lee‘s brows. The chubby one was Chouji. It’s obvious that he likes to eat. A lot. He was munching on something the entire time I was in the barn. The boy that came with Kiba to get me from the river was Shikamaru. He just looked like a lazy, laid-back type of guy. There were a few other boys, but they seemed to just… be there. They didn’t benefit the group nor do they harm the group. There’re just a waste of skin and bone, said Shikamaru. We all were.

Shino told me to come back tomorrow. He said he had something for me. I wanted him to give it to me then, but he said no. As I was walking away, I could hear the other boys laughing. I wanted to go back to see what they were laughing about, but decided against it. I’d had enough of them for one day, even though I just met them.


	4. Artillery

The first thing I wake up to is the darkness of my room, which is normal. It’s the first thing I wake up to every morning. But the darkness I woke up to this morning was different. At first, it was a quiet, distant wail. Then, as it got louder, I realized that it was sirens screaming through the city. 

Then, a strange, echoic, boom-booming noise joined in on the horrid symphony of the sirens. But soon, the sirens got mad at the boom-booming and started to wail louder. They were fighting for dominance now. I tried to block out the noise with my pillow and my hands. It didn’t work. I wrapped my cover around my head, leaving my mouth out so I could breath. It worked for a few seconds, then the dreaded sounds started to seep in. When the sirens got loud, the boom-booming would get even louder, then the sirens would scream louder, and it came to a point where I couldn’t even tell the two apart. It became a constant buzz in my ears that slowly got louder and louder and it was driving me insane.  
I dug my fingers in my ears (which really didn’t make a difference) and stumbled my way to the hatch leading to the outside world. By time I made it outside, bruises were developing on my face and arms. The sky was a heavy grey and black dots were raining from the sky.

*‘Black rain drops?’ I sniffed the air. ‘It doesn’t smell like rain. More like… ash.’ Then it occurred to me that the boys might be in trouble or even hurt! I dashed out from the alley and ran towards the river. 

As I ran, I noticed that there weren’t any people on the sidewalks or in the shops. The Bread Ladies weren’t even at the Bread Box. I wasn’t bouncing off people like I usually do. I slowed down, and looked around. Not a single soul was about. The black dots continued to fall, the sirens continued to scream, the boom-booming continued to boom. And I couldn’t even begin to grasp the situation. I didn’t know what was going on. 

I was so puerile.

My shoulders felt heavy and my chest felt like it was going to explode. This was so abnormal. People were supposed to be about. Rich ladies were supposed to be carrying bread in their gloved arms and hands. Rich men were supposed to be sitting at the little outdoor cafés laughing with their deep laughs. Children were supposed to be running and playing. Cars were to clutter the streets and honk and buzz.

This wasn’t right.

I didn’t realize that I was walking aimlessly until I had run into a brick corner of a store. I had already had bruises decorating my face from stumbling on the stairs in the dark, and now a gash ran down the middle of my face. Tears blurred my vision as I slid down the wall. The wall couldn’t take the little weight I had on it and crumbled, which wasn’t normal. Walls were supposed to be strong and sturdy. I turned to see the wall. There was no wall. There was no store. I looked around. Stores and buildings were nothing but piles of brick and ash. They had been bombed out.

Then it hit me.

The black dots from earlier weren’t rain, but bombs. Shino and Shikamaru had said something about them a few days ago (it had been about a month since I had met the boys), but I really wasn’t listening. I think I was eating beef stew… Gah!

I started to panic. I looked up at the sky. Heavy grey still hung in the sky, but no bombs. I sighed in relief, only to panic again. I had forgot about going to see the boys! But with everything bombed, I couldn’t tell what part of the city I was in.

What was I to do? What was I going to do?


	5. Sonnenblume

My legs felt like jelly and I stumbled with every step. I’d been walking for what felt like days. Everything seemed repetitious. On every corner, every street was the same thing: crumbled brick and ash. The sirens and the boom-booming had stopped their noisy war and the sky was little lighter, but not by much. Streetlights weren’t on yet, so it still had to be a little early, despite how dark it was.

My legs finally went completely numb and gave out in front of clothing store that hadn’t been bombed, which was kind of surprising. Mannequins molded in the shape of little girls seemed to be staring at me through the glass windows. Their clean, frilly, silk dresses mocking my dirty, faded, cotton clothes. My clothes couldn’t really be called clothes, being in the state they were in. More like rags. Strips of cloth, really.

The cool concrete felt so good against my burning skin. The mannequins flew out my mind as I tried to become one with the ground. Melt into it. I gave up trying to find my way back home, no point to it now. My legs were throbbing and won’t move. Stomach empty. Head felt like it was going to explode.

Click.  
Click.  
Click.  
Click.

Something was coming towards me. Hesitant. I could hear it breathing fast, almost gasping every breath. Or maybe I was only hearing myself trying to catch my breath. Maybe I was going out of my mind.

Click.  
Click.

The nearing clicking sound was very familiar, but I couldn’t think of where I’ve heard it. Too tired, I guess, to think. Maybe I was dreaming. The thing mumbled something in a language I couldn’t understand. It was talking to something else. Two of them were there watching me. My heart sped up at the thought that they might try to kill me. For what reason, though, I could not think of. When I tried to turn over and see whom my supposed killer was, I was taken under by sudden heavy sleep by time I was on my back.

-

The smell of pomegranate and light hints of cigarette smoke filled my nose and lungs as I took my first breath of consciousness. My eyelids felt too heavy to lift, so I left them be and took in my surroundings by sniffing the air and slowly moving my hands to touch the things around me. Something thick and heavy was lying on top of me. Very warm, too. A comforter. I sighed in contentment as I buried further under it. Sleep threatened to take me again and I welcomed it. I was about to happily plunge back into unconsciousness when horribly cold fingers lay rest on my forehead. My eyes shot open and a yelp escaped my mouth as I rolled off the bed. I landed with a hard thud on the wooden floor on my face. Sharp pains ran up and down the middle of my face and spine, making me cry out.

“Oh!” a female voice gasped. She must have been the one who put her horrid fingers on me. She shouted something in that language I didn’t understand and someone came running into the room. She whispered something to the other and he left again. She came over to me and hauled me up onto my feet, her cold hands burning my hot skin. She turned me so I was facing her. Didn’t I feel heavy to her?

The other guy came back with a huge silver tray with a silver dome and a small white box with a red cross on it. I’d never seen something like that before, the box. She tilted her head towards the nightstand on the other side of the bed, motioning him to set it there and, I suppose, and thanked him in that language again. She turned back to me, eyeing my face warily. She tried to touch my cheek, but I backed away. I carefully studied her hands and I couldn’t believe how pale she was. I looked darker than I really was compared to her. She saw me comparing our shades and she laughed a light, amused laugh. I liked it a lot. It made me smile.

But my smile turned into a frown of confusion when she said something in her language.

“Sprichst du Deutsch?” She pointed a finger at me. “Deustch? Nein?” she said when she saw the confusion on my face. A thoughtful expression crossed her face as she went over to the other side of the bed. She got the mysterious white box and came back over. She eyed my face again and opened the box. I jumped, not knowing if something was going to jump out of it. I felt silly when nothing came out and she laughed her light laugh again. She pulled out a long white strip, a small white and brown tube, and a rubber glove. She slipped the glove on and squeezed the creamy contents of the tube on to her index finger. She whispered something, then started to dab the stuff on the gash. I wanted to cry out and pull away, but she held me in place with her other arm and shushed me as if to calm me. My eyes screwed shut.

“Sonnenblume?” she called. I slowly opened my eyes, my body shaking from having them closed so tight. Her deep, black eyes stared into my cerulean. I could see a smile in her eyes. A gentle, caring smile.

I started to smile back, but a deep growl, even more of a rumble maybe, erupted from my middle. An apologetic smile crept onto my face, my hand automatically slipping behind my head, fingers barely getting through my unkempt hair. I wanted to say ‘Sorry’, but I didn’t know how to say it to where she would understand. She suddenly got up from her spot and went for the tray. I’d forgotten about it. I wonder what was in…

Food.

Some kind of food was in there. I don’t know why I didn’t smell it before, but now the scent filled my nostrils and lungs with each breath I took. 

Another rumble escaped. Saliva started to water wet my mouth as the tray came closer and closer to me. I didn’t realize how hungry I was. When was the last time I had eaten anyway?

The lady set the tray gently on the bed and took off the dome. I had inhaled the very moment she took off the dome and I nearly drowned in the scent of the food. I made my way to the tray.

All sorts of foods were on there, separated into little regions of their own. I remember, in the left upper most region, there was chicken and pork and beef. All sorts of colorful vegetables and some fruits were in the lower right. Rich cheeses and cold cuts were stuffed onto colored toothpicks in the upper right region. Buttered rolls and little jars of honey occupied the lower left region. Dips and sauces were in the middle. I picked up a piece of meat, not knowing what kind of meat it was, and not really caring either. I just knew it looked appetizing. I swallowed the lake of saliva in my mouth before opening it to bite off a huge chunk out of it.

“Oh, god…” I whispered. The meat just melted perfectly in my mouth. It was seasoned just right, cooked just right. I was dizzy just from the flavor of it (a good thing). A shock of cold raced through me. I jerked up and backed away from it. When my eyes finally focused, I saw the lady’s hands outstretched like she was going to catch something. I must have fell. How silly of me! Falling out over food.

She just smiled and motioned her hand toward the tray when I finished off my piece.

-

Lord knew I was full.

Most of the items on the tray were gone (some of the cheeses were horribly nauseating). I felt a little embarrassed at first from eating all that food, but after I felt the sleep settling in, I didn’t really care. The lady cleaned me up and draped the heavy comforter over me. A servant came and took the tray and white box away. My lids felt heavy like earlier and I slowly let them slip shut.

But the one thing I saw before heading off into the comfortable darkness of unconsciousness was a pure, pure white person. More white than the   
lady, and that was really saying something.

Midnight long, spiky, black hair framed his face, contrasting with his skin perfectly. His skin was smooth and no scars or signs of stress marked his face. It was perfectly clear. His skin reminded me of some kind of material, but I couldn’t think of what it was. So white and strong, yet fragile. I guess I was too sleepy to think of anything besides his face and skin and hair. That picture stuck with me as unconsciousness washed over me.

When I awoke, the room was dark except for the light pouring in from the open door to the hallway. It must be night. I jumped down from the tall bed as quiet as I could and crept out of the room. The temperature drastically changed as soon as a walked out. I almost yelped at the bitter cold of the hall.

‘Good lord! No wonder Chlodna Pani* was so damn cold!’ I thought, rubbing my hands against my arms. I peeked into open doors when I can, finding nothing of interest. I happened to peek into the elaborate bathroom and went to go use it, though it took me a while to find out how to flush the damned thing when I was done. I was washing my hands when I heard a voice call out ‘Sonnenblume’. Chlodna Pani was calling me, wondering where I was. I rushed out of the bathroom, sloppily drying my hands, and started towards the room when the cold suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I stumbled and fell.

“Chlodna Pani knows she has it too damn cold in here.” I said to myself, shivering violently on the wooden floor. I looked up in time to see her racing across the hall in search for me.

“Sonnenblume!” Chlodna Pani sighed when she spotted me. “Verlasse diesen Raum nie, ohne dass ich es vorher weiß, in Ordnung? Erschreck mich nicht...” I think she was scolding me for leaving the room. She came close to me and started to pick me up by the armpits.

“No! No! You’re cold! You’re cold!” I squirmed and shivered in her hands. She quickly let me go and stepped back. I stepped back also, huddling into myself. I shivered again.

“Ahh! Meine Hände sind kalt! Ha-ha!” She rubbed her hands together, as if to warm them up.

I nodded. “Yes! You’re hands,” I pointed to my hands, “are cold! Horribly cold!” I shivered to show ‘cold’.

“Zimno?” she imitated a shivered. She said cold in my language, which, I found out later, was Polish. I nodded. She smiled a big smile. “Zimno. Ich bin zimno.” She looked like she would just explode from excitement from using a word. A word in a different language. “Ulrich**!” Light footsteps sounded from the floor above us. Soon enough, Ulrich, or Sasuke, as he will be called from now on, came up behind Chlodna Pani. I gasped. He was the same person I saw earlier before dozing off. He was the very beautiful-material-I-could-not-think-of boy that danced with me in my dreams.

“Sasuke***…” She turned to him, gesturing towards me as she spoke. Somewhere in there, as she spoke, I heard her say ‘Sonnenblume’, my new name apparently.

“Sonnenblume… Mutter…” Sasuke sighed.

“Was?” She frowned, and it seemed that she was explaining her reason for calling me ‘sonnenblume’. As the continued to speak, I started to feel dizzy; my head had begun to spin, slowly gaining momentum as time passed by. The gash on my face ached dreadfully.

The pale boy, who seemed so far away now, eyed me for a second before turning back to Chlodna Pani.

“Polnisch, richtig?”

She nodded. Sasuke shortened the small distance between us in one long stride. I felt so short even though I was a little past his shoulder.  
The only words he were able to speak were ‘Hello. How are--’ before the dizziness become too much and I fainted.

-

*Chlodna Pani is Cold Lady in Polish.  
**Ulrich is a German name and means Prosperity and Power.  
***She is still calling him Ulrich, but I’m writing Sasuke so you won’t be confused.  
Note: I think the German is pretty self-explanatory by context.


	6. Dobe

I believe it was dream, though, I doubt I could dream up a voice that beautiful. It wasn't high and squeaky or low and horribly deep. His words weren't run together or chopped, but nicely separated and they flowed out his mouth like a serene, cool river. The voice talked to me through the whole dream. It asked questions like How old are you? and Where'd you come from? It also asked me how I was doing and what my favorite foods were. I had answered I'm great and (laugh) Everything! The voice had laughed too. The voice's laugh was like bright, soft velvet.  
There was a comfortable silence. Few birds chirped and sang to each other their morning songs. A calm wind blew through nearby trees, adding to the music.

We were sitting at a small table next to a large window looking out to the back yard full of colorful vegetables and fruit trees. The bright sun, made the red walls glow, and it lit up the room. Gold curtains framed the window and gold trimmed the room. That glowed as well. I looked at the sky. It was a bright baby blue, unlike the gloomy grey it was a few days ago.

"Are you ready to eat?" The voice said nonchalantly.

"Yes! I think my stomach wanted to join in on the conversation earlier." As if on cue, my stomach growled. I patted it.

"Well, you have to get out of bed. You're not having a meal in bed again."

I was confused.

"What do you mean? I'm not in bed. We're sitting by the big window at a small table… aren't we?"

"Um, no. You must be dreaming. Open your eyes, dobe."

I ran my fingers lightly across my face. My eyes were closed! Damn…  
I slowly blinked my eyes opened. I was in the same room and bed I had been sleeping in before. It was moderately lit, so my eyes adjusted quickly.

"Finally." the voice said lazily. I looked toward its source. Next to the bed, dark orbs framed with thick, black lashes dully stared at me. Long, pale fingers lay splayed across his face, two of them threaded in his midnight hair, the other two framing his eye (his pinky was in the nook of his eye).

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "I… I could have sworn it wasn't a dream. We were sitting a small table by a big window and we were talking and laughing. The room was bright and comfortable. The birds were singing and chirping. The wind was blowing, making the trees sway. And the sky… The sky! It was such a pretty, pretty blue!"

"Yeah, we were talking alright. You especially."

"What do you mean?" I had a bad feeling bubbling up in my stomach.

"You were talking to me in your sleep." A mocking smirk had formed on his face. My mouth opened to say something, but it just closed again. I talk in my sleep…?

My stomach growled extra loud. Maybe that was the bad feeling I was really feeling. "Oh… Heheheh… Sorry…" I smiled a nervous smile.

"Hn." He stood up in one fluid motion and stretched. His fingers cracked loudly as he curled them into his palm one by one. After tying on his shoes, he motioned me to come. I flipped off the covers just to flip them back over me.

"No! It's too cold. Why do you have it so damn cold?!"

"Tch. Get out the bed, dobe. It's not cold in here." He sounded annoyed.

"I'm not getting out the… Dobe?" I swiveled around to face him. "I'm not a dobe!"

"Yes, you are. You also look like one." He had walked over to the door. "Come on, dobe. The food down stairs is getting cold." And he walked out the room. I was fuming as I carefully made my way out the bed, the covers wrapped around me. I found an enormous closet on the opposite wall of the bed full of all sorts of clothes.

"That bastard…"

I was soon down stairs dressed in a nice fitting dark blue long sleeved sweater and nice long black pants that were a bit long for me. I had to roll up the pant leg up a few times so I wouldn't ruin them as I walked. Chlodna Pani had washed and combed through my hair super good, so it wasn't matted anymore and it shined brightly in the sunlight from the window by the dining table. She would call me Kleine Sonne, which means Little Sun (Sasuke gave me the translation), every now and again. Sonnenblume was still the main name she called me though.

Chlodna Pani turned and smiled a huge, happy smile and chirped something to me. I smiled confusingly and looked to Sasuke for help.

"Huh?"

"Breakfast." Sasuke deadpanned.

"Oh… Yes! Breakfast!" I smiled broadly and she smiled with me.

Men and women dressed in black and white came through a swinging door and placed huge platters in front of the other four people, excluding Chlodna Pani, Sasuke, and I, around the table. I hadn't really noticed them. I wonder if they noticed me. There was mumbling and eyes darting at me time to time, so I assumed they noticed me.

After breakfast, I told Chlodna Pani about my dream, with the help of Sasuke. Sasuke also told her how I talked in my sleep, which I really didn't appreciate. She just laughed and smiled. Sasuke didn't. Well, the closest he got to a smile was smirk, and he was only smirking when he was making fun of me or saying some snide remark about me. I think he found me annoying or stupid. I didn't know why though. I bet he thought I was extremely stupid when Chlodna Pani asked me how old I was and I couldn't answer her.

She had made us stand up next to each other, and she giggled at our height difference. Kurz* she had said to me.

After eyeing us and measuring us, and raising our arms to look up under them, she finally concluded that, Sasuke being seventeen, that I was fifteen going on sixteen. I didn't know much about numbers and ages really, so I didn't really understand what she was talking about.

The next day, Chlodna Pani told Sasuke to take me home. I guess she thought that I had parents and that they must be worried about me. I didn't tell her that there was no one waiting for me at home in the obnoxious orange cellar. She packed all the clothes she could find that were my size into one big suitcase. She also packed in the suitcase shampoo, body soap, a washcloth and sponge, a comb and brush set, some good-smelling liquid to use sparingly, and a few bags of dried, salted meat. Jerky, I think it's called.

"Sonnenblume! Kommen Sie und besuchen Sie uns irgendwann mal wieder, ja? Nun, auf Wiedersehen!" She called after us as we walked down the long walkway up to the black iron-gate that circled around the large house. I turned to see her waving and smiling. I waved and smiled back. I waited a moment for Sasuke to translate for me, but he didn't say a word.

After ten or fifteen minutes of walking, we got to the part of town that Chlodna Pani had found me in. The buildings were still crumbled and dust. I don't know why I thought it would be all built up again.

"What did your mother say when we were leaving? All I understood was the Sonnenblume part."

"She wants you to visit again."

"Really?" I felt my face heat up a bit. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything and Sasuke didn't either.

I couldn't really say that the silence between Sasuke and I was comfortable (well, for me anyway), but it wasn't terrible either. It was like some one rubbing on a bone underneath the skin with a dull fingernail. It felt irritatingly funny, but it also felt rather good at the same time.

Well, a loud, rhythmic thud-thud-thud interrupted our rubbing-on-a-bone-funny-but-good-feeling silence. Strong vibrations traveled through the ground, making us stumble a bit in our mid-step. I felt frightful eyes on me suddenly. People (middle and poor looking people), crept out of their hiding places. They all stared at us. I wanted to run to my cellar where there were no such eyes looking at me. I was used to people being around, but not them being around looking at me. It made me feel uneasy for them to be looking at me all at once.  
"Look!" a small brunet boy cried.

Large, sickly green colored moving box-like things with long snout-like things protruding out from it turned down the road going the direction Sasuke and I were going. They were going down two-by-two.

"What… What are they?" I asked Sasuke, pulling on his jacket sleeve once.

"Tanks."

Tanks?

"I thought tanks were a container in a car for gas…"

"That's a gas tank you're talking about, you dumbass." Sasuke sighed. "Come on." He started off, not even looking behind to see if I'm following. How rude. I had to jog a ways to catch up to him (he was taking long strides).

The rhythmic thud-thud-thud that had been drowned out by the tanks was now louder than before. The crumbs of brick and the little pebbles on the side of the road jumped up and down in beat of the thud-thud-thud. It got louder with each thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. THUD!

That's when I saw them.


	7. Jew or Jackboot?

"Ah, it was magnificent! You should have seen them."

"We did see them."

"You did? Weren't they great?"

No one answered. Not even Rock Lee, who usually agreed with me and backed me up. I frowned.

"No…?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"They are no good. They've come to kill us all."

"They can't be here to kill us. Not even to hurt us. One of them mussed my hair and gave me a chocolate." I dug in my pockets and pulled out the wrapper. "See?" I waved the golden wrapper back and forth in the air. Shino frowned dejectedly. Kiba fumed.

"You wanna be part of them?!" he yelled. Be a part of them? I didn't understand.

"What do you mean? I don't see what's wrong with them. They were friendly and kind to me. Were they not to you?"  
"We didn't go up to them like you did." he spat.

"Then how do you know if they are good or not? From what I see, you saw them from a distance and don't know a thing!" I was furious. How could they talk about them like that when they didn't know anything about them?

"Why are you defending them?!"

"Because you all are talking about them like they are real bad people and they are not!"

"Well, if they are such good people, why don't you go and be with them. Ask them if you can join them and see if they don't shoot you!" As Kiba was saying, well, screaming this in my face, he was backing me up against the only door leading outside. He opened the door, which unfortunately swung out instead of in like most doors, when I was fully pressed against it. I fell into the taut autumn grass. "They don't take in Jews, shitwad! They kill them!" The door slammed, almost slamming my foot in with it. I could hear Kiba growling words under his breath and Shino scolding him about what he done. The others were silent, or at least I thought so.

"I'm not a Jew!" I screamed. Tears blinded my view as I got myself up to my feet and started towards the cellar. I was turning the corner a block away when Shino called out for me. I didn't stop nor turn around. He knew where the cellar was if he really wanted or needed to talk to me.

As I walked on, I began to wonder what a Jew was. I heard the boys—mostly Kiba—talk about them, but I never really understood what they were. Whatever they were, I wasn't one of them.

As soon as got to the cellar, I lit my four big orange crème scented candles that were in each corner of the room and nuzzled myself comfortably under the covers. I was soon breathing easy, inhaling and exhaling orange crème.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Magnificent, shiny boots marched behind the sickly colored tanks. A complete contrast.

All the boots moved together like they were all attached to one another. Like one giant foot. Not one boot was behind a beat or ahead a beat. They kept rhythm perfectly. Even the sun wanted to witness the splendor and peeked from behind the thick clouds for a quick instant and shone a little light on the army boots. Oh! How they shined!

"Who are they?" I asked Sasuke in astonishment. We were in a part of the city that had been spared by the bombs. There weren't many areas like this, however. It had been almost two months since the first bombing of the city, and there had been subsequent attacks after that, but, so far, it hadn't affected our little area too much. I still didn't understand what was going on, but I know that things were completely different from how they used to be.

He scoffed. "One of the worst group of people you'll ever meet."

I sighed. "That's not answering my question."

He sighed too and didn't answer me for a long while. The boots kept marching, their thuds filling in the awkward silence for me, their hypnotizing shine holding my attention so I wouldn't focus so much on the uneasiness and discomfort faintly radiating off Sasuke. It wouldn't have been so awkward if his mother were here.

Usually, I met him and his mother, Chlodna Pani, near the café and she spoke to me in what I learned from Sasuke to be German as she and I (mostly her) shopped around in the few stores still open for business. I still stole food, but not as often because Chlodna Pani would always bring me something new to eat in a small wicker basket.

But today, it was just Sasuke and I. I wasn't sure why his mother couldn't be here.

Finally, Sasuke spoke, adding his silky voice to the unique music of the boots and tanks (and the sirens that were faintly crying out somewhere in the distance), he said,

"We'll call them Jackboots for now."

"Jackboots…" I whispered to myself. Those wonderful, shining boots, and, I guess the tedious men wearing them, were called Jackboots.

I didn't mean to take a step forward, or step at all really, but I suddenly found myself walking towards the enthralling gleam of the boots. Then I found myself falling. The dark grey pavement of the street came racing towards my face; my body and I shut my eyes and put my arms in front of me to help break the fall. I expected to collide with street, but I don't collide with anything. Strong hands were holding me up from the undersides of my arms.

"Huh?"

I was hoisted up high in the air. As he turned me bit before putting me down, I caught a glimpse of the hands that held me up. It wasn't the super snow-white hands I thought they were. The hands that I saw were lightly tanned and calloused.

"Ah! Watch your step, little one." A moderately deep voice advised. I looked up to the source of the voice. A soldier was smiling down to me, his long thin blond mustache smiling, too. His grey uniform was decorated with different colored bands and pockets and gold and silver squares and bird-shaped things that I know Kiba would have loved to get his hands on.

"Ah… Um… Thank you…" I said quietly, rubbing the back of my head nervously.

"A timid, fragile-looking thing, are you?"

I looked fragile?

I blushed and the soldier laughed a short, quick laugh. He dove his hand into his pant pocket and fished out a small, round something wrapped in a golden wrapper.

"For you, little one." he gently place the golden wrapped object in my hand. It was a chocolate, semi-melted. He mussed my hair, then patted it twice and got back in line, going in right on beat. I thought he would stumble on a beat, but he didn't. I watch him go down the street until I couldn't see him anymore. Then Sasuke pulled me along, muttering things in German.

He seemed bothered.

I had slept for two straight days.

How did I know? Because, the lady who usually sat on the corner across the street from my cellar wasn't there like she was supposed to be (she wasn't there the day before yesterday either). She'll sit on that corner all day on the days she was there (which was every other day), not saying a word to anyone. Even if they were to say Hello or Excuse me, Miss, she wouldn't say a thing, but just stare into space.

Her bony bottom made sharp angles with the sidewalk and her thin hands fixed rigidly around her knee caps. Sunken cheeks and large eyes showcased on her face, all framed with stringy, brunette hair. I patted her head as I walked past her.

I went to the river to wash up a bit and took a muffin from a bakery for breakfast. I went slower than usual, which really bothered me. I hated being slow. Moving slowly, rather. It made me feel vulnerable and I felt that wouldn't be able to get away if I were to get caught snatching things off shelves or out of ladies arms if I were moving slow.

But as I was making my slow journey from the river to the bakery, I noticed something that seemed out of place. There were extra people (something I wouldn't have noticed going my normal pace, probably), which made me a bit more comfortable. I liked a lot of people around, but these people were foreign, something I wasn't used too. And they wore different clothes than the usual people here wore. These foreign people were male and wore grey uniforms.

The Jackboots…

They were walking around like the belonged here. Like they have been here all there lives. Rich ladies in patterned dresses clung to their arms, giggling here and there. They, too, looked foreign.

After my muffin, I reluctantly made my way over to the boys' place.

"Naruto! Finally you're up!" was how Rock Lee greeted me when I peeked my head in through the door.

"How'd you know I was asleep?"

"We all went over to your place yesterday. You wouldn't wake up no matter how much noise we made or what we did to you."

I blushed lightly, "That's not cool, coming into my cellar like that…"

Shino came up to me then and gave me a small roll of sausage and a toy figurine. "I sincerely apologize for Kiba's behavior the day before." My brows furrowed. I didn't want to see nor talk to Kiba today. I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Don't worry. He isn't here."

Thank you, God. Shino smiled at the look relief on my face. But then my face got serious, and so did his.

"I don't understand. What is a Jew?"

Shino sighed and motioned me to follow him to a quiet corner (the other boys were playing a loud game). We both sat down in large heaps of hay, facing each other. Shino leaned forward; I leaned back against the wooden wall.

I could tell Shino was searching for the right words to say.

"Is it bad…? Being a Jew?" I asked quietly after a long minute.

"Before, no, it wasn't a bad thing, being a Jew. But now, the Jews are in trouble."

"Did something happen that the Jews have to be punished?"

"The Jews didn't do a damned thing," he muttered.

The silence got awkward, so I asked a probably taboo question, "Are… Are you a Jew?" Shino's brows furrowed and his fists curled into tight balls. I felt a sudden odd pressure building on my shoulders. After many moments, he finally replied,

"I don't know, to tell you the truth, but I know I don't want to be treated as one. Not if risks my life and his, also…" A failed suppressed shiver quivered his lean body. A hiccup escaped.

"Jews are people. People like everyone else. People who just wanted to live peacefully and be happy with their little piece of life." Shino said suddenly, more to himself than me. I thought he had forgotten that I was here. But he made me jump when he swiftly stood up, towering over me.

He soon looked down at me.

"Always, always, remember that every little person has feelings and emotions. Even the ones, who hardly show any, still remember that they have them, too. Treat everyone like they're human beings, Naruto. Treat them like they really have a significant meaning in this twisted life we all live together, you hear?"

I nodded. "Yes, Shino. I hear." He smiled and patted my head and I smiled back.

"Don't be like those people out there." He whispered as he walked over to the boys. I didn't know what he meant by "those people", however. Who were "those people", and what made them so bad? Who were hurting the Jews?

I picked at a piece of straw, thinking over what Shino said. But am I a Jew? I pondered.

And pondered.

And pondered.

And pondered.

And I finally came to my conclusion a few days later when I saw a bearded man, two Jackboots, and a bucket of water next to the man.  
The Jackboots laughed as one of them pushed the bearded man's face into the bucket of water and then made him wash the sidewalk with his beard. This didn't make sense to me.

The stores that they had been in front of, a clothing store and a bookstore, were dark and looked empty. These stores that had been open and lively a few days ago were now closed down and dead. Besides being closed down, they had something that the other running shops and stores didn't have.

A big, bright yellow star painted on the front window.

I knew right then, that the people who once owned these shops, and all the other bearded men on the street washing the sidewalk with their beard were no one but Jews.

And I just couldn't be a Jew.


	8. Derailing

Flashes of bright blond hair kept derailing my multiple bullet trains of thought. I couldn't concentrate on my studying, and I was getting more irritable by the second. I had to stop everything go outside to get some fresh air. Mother was worried.

"Sasuke, dear," she called after me. "Is something wrong? I see that you're many pages behind in your textbook." I just raised my hand dismissively and kept on walking. I don't know where I was going, but I had to do something to get the dobe out my head.

The trees, now all sorts of golden yellows, reds, oranges, swayed in the slight wind. A couple of leaves blew into my hair, then the wind carried then off again. The two orange and maroon leaves danced with each other and eventually settled on the ground, not far from where I stood, nestled on top of one another. The orange one reminded me of him. I frowned.

I can't get away from him…

I burst into a run. The orange of the trees were beginning to be too much. My chest squeezed and ached and I didn't know why. What was this feeling? What was this boy doing to me?

His laugh. His voice. His hair. His smile. His skin. His eyes.

Orange. Dark velvet blue. Yellow. White. Tan. A brilliant, brilliant cerulean.

They all danced around in my mind. Each feature with its appropriate color. And in the middle of it all was him. He was holding his hand out, waiting for someone to put their hand in his. Waiting for me to put my hand in his.

"Sasuke?" his voice called. I kept running. "Sasuke… Sasuke!" I didn't look back. It was all in my head, him calling my name. "Dammit! Sasuke!" I stopped. That wasn't his voice calling my name. It was too deep. I turned to see who was calling me. "Man, I thought you would never stop. Troublesome, I swear." Shikamaru said as his ducked under a low branch, then stretched. "What are you doing in this part of the city?"

This part of the city?

I finally looked around at my surroundings. Buildings were crumbled. Huge craters littered the streets and sidewalks. The twisted metal skeletons of cars were all over the place. I somehow made my way to the bombed out part of the city.

"I never thought I'd see you around here." Shikamaru yawned. He looked all around with me.

I'd known Shikamaru for a long time. Since we were little. He went to school with me, one of my closest friends. Then as we got older, our friendship went beyond friendship. And for a time, we were comfortable with our relationship. But in the end, it didn't work out. I didn't see him much after that, not because it didn't work out, though.

"Shikamaru? Shika… Where…?" A Polish voice called. There was a brief pause. "Oh! Haha! There you are! Look what me and Naruto got!" A young chubby (more like fat) boy yelled from across the street. He ran across the street and was gasping by the time got over to Shikamaru. Fat, all right.

"Are those cream puffs, Chouji? Three boxes? That's it?" Shikamaru sighed. Wow… Three boxes of cream puffs. I scoffed.

"Oh, no! Of course not. You should see how much stuff Naruto got!" Chouji smiled a wide, excited smile. "Naruto! Hurry up!" The squeaking of old, worn out wheels soon came into hearing distance. My heart was beating really fast. I wanted it to stop, but I couldn't slow it down before he came into view.

"Dammit, Chouji! You could have at least helped me pull it up the hill. I almost lost everything!"

Dark Velvet Blue.

"I told you that we each had to carry our own load."

"Bullshit! Some of your load is on here!" He heaved and gasped as he pulled on a black long necked handle. He finally made it to the top. Sweat poured down his face. Hair glowed brightly even though it was overcast. Irritating.

Yellow.

"Man, a wagon? Just how much did you get, Naruto?"

"Haha! Just come take a look!" Naruto stood there in front of his wagon looking very proud.

"Naruto…" Shikamaru was stunned. Naruto's already blinding smile got bigger.

White.

"Sweet, isn't it? If you take of those other three pastry boxes, those jars of icing, the four boxes of crackers, and those two jars of pickled eggs, you'll see that the rest is mine." The pride overflowing in his voice could have splattered all over the sidewalk.

All sorts of food poked around in the wagon. Some lower class food I've never seen or ate before and, surprisingly, some high-class foods made up half the food. A lot of sweets and sausages made up at least the other half the things in the wagon. Drinks made up a small portion.

I scooted closer to the short blond and bent down close behind him next to his ear, "You say mine. Are you implying that you're going to eat all this food by yourself, dobe?" Naruto started, nearly making the wagon go rolling down the hill. I smirked victoriously.

"Sasuke?!" he gasped when he finally turned to me. "Are you stalking me?!" His eyes widened. "I never had a person stalk me before… What should I do?!"

"You know Sasuke, Naruto?" Shikamaru yawned.

"I'm not stalking you, retard. I do live in the same city, you know."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. They gleamed like deep blue diamonds. I frowned. I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. He's really a retard. A lower class retard.

"Oh, don't let him get to you, Naru. We have food!" Chouji grabbed the handle of the wagon and tried to pull it, but only got a little ways.

"Naru… Come pull this… I'm not as strong as you are." Naruto laughed.

Orange.

"Chouji, I know you can pull this wagon." Humor laced Naruto's voice.

"Yeah, but you're already pulling it now."

Shikamaru walked up to Chouji and… My chest tightened as their fingers laced together and Chouji gave Shikamaru a quick peck on his lips. I don't remember my chest doing this or feeling this way when Shikamaru and I were together. It couldn't have been one-sided, could it?

"Your face is going to get stuck like that, Mr. Stoic." Shikamaru said in German, turning to me. He finger were still laced with Chouji's, though.

"What do you mean?" I replied, annoyance clearly written across my face. Chouji looked back and forth between us. Translation, please? his expression read.

"I probably know you better than anyone you know, Sasuke." Shikamaru motioned me to avert my attention to his and Chouji's hands with just a slight, slight flicker of his eyes. I 'hn'-ed, telling him that I'd seen them.

"Either you're jealous, for what reason I don't know why, or you have feelings for someone."

"Jealous?"

"I know. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? I'm guessing it's the latter, anyway." Shikamaru shifted his weight to the other leg. Chouji was frowning. He probably didn't like not knowing what was going on. I glanced around for a short second. The blond was nowhere in sight. My eyes fell back on Shikamaru.

"See, you're frowning. But by the way you're acting, it seems that you don't want to feel this way about this certain person."

Damn. I frowned every time I didn't see him or when I was thinking about him. I can't let my emotions show out like that.

"You're reading me like a book. Is it really that visible?"

"No. But if you were to pay close attention… well, even then, probably not. You're good at hiding your emotions. But, I know you very well, so I catch on." Shikamaru said as he turned to go. Chouji nudged closer to him. "Sasuke." he called. He didn't turn around. "I have a feeling," he started. Usually when Shikamaru has a feeling, it's usually right, "that this person is right for you. Don't chase her, or possibly him, away." And he left, trailing after Naruto who had long gone.

Possibly him…

Shikamaru knows. And I absolutely hated it.

"How are your studies going along, brother?" I froze at the sound of the voice. Of his voice. I haven't heard it in so long.

"Brother." I said, standing up and turning to him. "All is going well."

"That's not what I hear from Mother." He shook his head in mock shame, a smirk molding his features. "She says you are many pages behind. You should never be behind in anything. Not even the last letter of a word behind." His smirk by then had turned into a deep frown. The small bags under his eyes were distracting me from what he was saying. They didn't look right on his face.

"I'm sorry, Brother." My eyes wandered elsewhere.

"Don't say sorry to me. Say it to her." He leaned up off the door seal.

"You should probably do it now. Many guests are coming over very soon and of course Mother will be horribly busy getting everything set and neat."

"Guests?"

"Father is coming home for a brief visit."

"Father?" I breathed. He looked up from the floor at me and finally looked me over.

"You should also clean yourself up, brother. You cannot let him see you like that." He frowned as he left my room. I frowned with him. Though inside, I was really happy. Brother had come home and not with Father to warn me that Father was coming home, even if for a brief visit.

I wondered if Brother had ever liked someone as I ran water for a bath. I never saw him with anyone. A lot of girls liked him, just like a lot of girls liked me. I didn't like any of them, though. It's probably the same with him. But as I undress and carefully lay my clothes across the large, dark counter, and ease myself in the almost scalding hot water, my mind wanders back to the days where things where close and simple between Brother and I. Soon, bright yellow and deep cerulean seeped itself into my mind, and I didn't try to push it away this time. I thought I'd let it linger there for a while.

I'd let it linger before I have to dress in nice, formal clothes, walk down those elegant stairs to the main floor, and face the man I haven't seen in over three and a half years.


	9. Not So Pure

The food was piled up in the food stall. I had gathered most of it.

'Well done.' Shino had said and I had beamed. I had felt my hair glow bright and my eyes shine. He gave me a hot doughnut before I left for the river. Shikamaru came with me.

"What will you do at the river?" he asked, biting off a small bit of his doughnut.

"Well, I'm actually heading to the cellar first. I have to get my shampoo and my loofa, I think that's what Chlodna Pani called it, anyway."

"Who's Chlodna Pani?"

"Sasuke's mother. She has really cold skin and her house is super cold, too." I nodded.

"Yeah?"

"Yep."

"Sasuke, huh?" Shikamaru yawned.

"Yeah. Do you know him? He's a real bastard." We were at my cellar door. I noticed that Shikamaru didn't answer my question, but I didn't ask again.

"You want to come in?" I asked as I descended down the stairs. I heard his footsteps behind me. Now that I thought about it, I never invited anyone into my cellar before. Though, I guess I didn't have to invite the boys, they all ready invited in themselves many times.

"Why is everything so orange?" Shikamaru tapped the walls with his hand and the floor with his foot.

"I love the color. It warm and cozy." I smiled big as I grabbed the small brown sack from out the farthest corner of the cellar. It had everything I would need at the river. I went over to the icebox and got small bottles of wine and two pre-made sandwiches and put them in the small upper compartment of the sack.

"You ready to go?" I looked around for Shikamaru.

"Yeah…" He said. He had sounded preoccupied. He was looking at the picture with the family silhouettes at the beach holding hands. He seemed to be hypnotized by it.

"Do you like that picture?" I asked quietly. His eyes closed just slightly.

"It's okay… Where'd you get it?"

"A lady gave it to me for keeping her store clean while she was away doing family business. She hadn't asked me to do it. I don't remember the reason I did it. It was a nice store."

"Really, now?"

"Yes. It was a record and picture store. I don't remember where it is, though…"

"That's okay." Shikamaru turned away, then looked back at the picture. I wanted to ask what he saw in the picture that held his attention for so long, but he seemed in a deep, deep thought, so I let him alone. After a while, he said, "Come on, let's go."

It was later that same day, the sun was starting to go down, and Shikamaru and Chouji came over to the cellar. They bought a whole baked chicken and a big box of pastries. I provided the drinks, naturally. I got out a deck of cards and we sat on the rug and ate and laughed and talked. We started out with fruit juice, but as time went on, we moved on to the strawberry wine I had in the bottom of the icebox. It was fairly strong.

"You,"-hiccup-"can't do that."-hiccup-"Take that care… card back…!"

Chouji said, pointing at me. He had the most out of the three of us because he was the thirstiest. Shikamaru had the least. "Hurry… Whoa! You're spinning! How are you doing that?"

"You know, what? No more for you." Shikamaru took the cup from Chouji's hands. "Naruto, get some water." I got up to get a bottle of water like asked. The bottles of water were actually old wine bottles filled with clean water from the wells.

"Room temperature or cold?"

"I want,"-hiccup-"Warm!" Room temperature it was.

Soon we settled down and pushed everything over to the side. I had laid a few layers of padding down so we could lie down on the floor without being cold or uncomfortable. Chouji had fallen asleep as soon as he lay down. He curled up into Shikamaru's side. I was getting sleepy myself.

"Oh, Shikamaru?" I didn't go on until I heard him say hmm? "What's up with you and that picture? You keep looking over at it between turns of the game and when we were talking and eating, your eyes would wander over to it…" My voice got smaller as I went on.

"Troublesome…" He closed his eyes. I thought he would go on as to why he kept looking at it, but he made no sign of doing so.

"Shikamaru?" I turned my head in his direction, but he had turned over, his back to me, and his side seemed to be rising and falling evenly as if he were asleep. Maybe he was. Sleep was settling in as I tried to decide if I should see if he was really asleep, but sleep took over before I reached a decision.

I woke up to the sound of whining and whispers. There was also a soft crying. I thought it was a dream and pulled the covers over my head. But not even a minute later, a loud noise (a mix of a whine and a throaty growl) woke me back up. I sighed and rolled over to the other side and saw all the boys, even the ones deemed 'waste of bone and flesh' to the rest of us. They all looked tired and devastated. Another whine sounded. I just stared.

"What are you all doing here?" I said finally, sitting up. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Why don't you ask the damned Jackboots," Kiba's voice growled in the slight darkness of the cellar. The only light from the candles in the corners made the shadows flicker across the walls and made Kiba's shadow especially scary and ominous. Akamaru, who had been whining the whole time, whined even louder.

"The Jackboots?"

"Yes, the Jackboots!" he shouted angrily. "They came in the night, when we were most vulnerable, and drove us out the barn and burned it down." My eye widened as he spoke.

"The… Jackboots…?" I repeated.

"Sit down, Kiba." Shino's voice croaked from the corner by the icebox. Kiba growled and the springs in the mattress creaked, telling me that he sat back down. My heart calmed only to get worked up again.

"All the food?"

"Burned down with the barn." croaked an unfamiliar voice. My eyes watered. All that food I worked so hard to gather up, gone. Destroyed all in quick moment by the people I admired the most.

We'd been in my cellar for almost three days now. I felt extremely dirty.

I haven't bathed in what felt like an eternity. My body ached to go to the river. My teeth felt all grimy. My hair had started to get all matted again. The boys teased me about my seemingly unusual sense of cleanliness.

"I've never had a bath." Kiba said proudly. I frowned.

"That's disgusting." I said quietly. I usually didn't speak against Kiba about anything. I didn't want to hear his mouth and certainly didn't want him hitting me, but this I couldn't hold in.

Kiba glared at me hard. "What the point of bathing yourself if your going to get dirty five seconds later?"

"At least I don't smell as bad as you do." I retorted. The boys gasped. This was totally true. Kiba smelled the worst out of all of the boys and I the best. Even Akamaru smelled better than him and he was a dog! The gasps in hanging the in air turned into laughter.

"Why the fuck are you all laughing? That's not even funny!"

"If it was wasn't funny, Kiba, we wouldn't be laughing now, would we?" Chouji said between bouts of laughter. I looked around. The only ones not laughing were Shino and Gaara, who sat in the corner away from the rest talking in hushed voices.

"Fuck all of you…" Kiba growled as he climbed the stairs.

"Kiba…" Shino said suddenly in a warning tone of voice. Kiba turned to him, expression hard. "You are not to go out unless Shikamaru or I have checked if it's clear. You know that."

"Don't play with our chances of staying here, Kiba." All traces of laughter were gone from Shikamaru. "Get your ass back down here." Kiba's expression suddenly got tired and irritated. He looked all of us over. When he finally got to me, his face had murder written all over it.

"Today, Kiba." Shino's voice was cold and firm. My heart started to beat fast as he made his was back down the stairs towards me. He pushed past me and sat himself behind Shino and rested his forehead on his knees. It was terribly quiet for a few moments, then small talk started up, mostly centered around the Jackboots (they were obviously avoiding the Kiba topic). Shino and Gaara had started their conversation back up with Shino make small, lazy circles on the back of one of Kiba's hands. I went to the little padding area and lay down with my bare back against the cool wall. I had felt suddenly hot and dizzy.

"Ah-tchoo!"

"God, Naruto! Stop it with the sneezing already! It's getting on my nerves." Kiba voice sounded in the pitch-black darkness of the cellar. I think it was a shoe that hit me in the face.

"I'm…"-ah-tchoo!-"Tarrie (Sorry)… I 'eel all 'unny intide… Tino…"

"You're sick, Naruto, and at the worst time, too."

"Tick? Am I ganna die?" I had sounded funny too.

He sighed. "No, you're not going to die." He got up and soon came over to me and pulled me up to my feet. My head had started to spin and I fell over before Shino could do anything else. "Shikamaru…" That's all I understood Shino say before he started talking in German. I was beginning to get the feeling that everyone could speak German except me.

"Come on, Naruto. Get up."

"I cain't… Dizzy…" I reached my hand up for Shino to pull on, then sneezed, pulling my hand away before he could grab it. I don't know if I kept falling backward from the sneeze because everything went black before I could hit the groud.


	10. Achoo!

I was moving. Not with my own energy though. Someone was carrying me. On… on their back, I believe. This someone was talking to another someone. Their voices were familiar. They sounded far, far away even though they were so close. My head was spinning and I felt cold, then hot, then cold again. It was terribly annoying. I tried to speak, to tell them of this annoyance, but my lips didn't respond. My voice was trapped in my throat. I tried to open my eyes, but they to didn't respond. Maybe because they were so heavy. What was happening?

It had been two days since Shino and Shikamaru dropped me off.

"Sonnenblume?" Chlodna Pani's voice cut through the darkness of my now conscious mind. "Sonnenblume!" A big smile spread across my face as I opened my eyes slightly. She squealed a little and hugged me. With a touch of concern in her face, she asked me something in German, but all I could do was look confused. She put the back of her hand to her forehead, then did a thumbs up, then a thumbs down to show what she meant. I nodded and put up two thumbs. I felt better. A lot better really.

Sasuke's irritated voice sounded (more like croaked, really) from the hall. Chlodna Pani frowned and got up and went out to the hallway. I wondered what Sasuke had said to make her frown.

She soon came back, a weary smile on her face and she kissed me on the forehead. She had opened her mouth as if to say something, but she hesitated. A thoughtful expression appeared on her face, as she seemed to think about what she wanted to say. I didn't know why she was putting so much thought into it; I most likely wouldn't understand it anyway.

But she finally seemed to find the words she wanted, and what she said next really took my by surprise, "It's time rest. Feel better soon." She smiled a hopeful smile.

"Thank you so much," I replied. She put her hands up and together and tilted her head so that it was lying on her hands and made soft snoring sounds. I nodded to show that I understood and slid down further under the heavy comforter. Her smile got a little brighter and she got up, dimmed the lights, and left.

There were eyes on me. I could feel them.

I quickly sat up in the purple and pink murky light of the early, early sun. I carefully looked around, looking for something out of place, looking for that someone laying their dark eyes on me, but everything was normal, as far as I can see. Though, I do remember Chlodna Pani closing the door when she left. It was open, the ever growing light of the sun sneaking in through the slight opening. I slipped out of the bed, the thick under sheet wrapped tightly around me.

It was very quiet. The halls looked bigger and a bit scarier without the usual lighting. I felt my way a little the in darker part of the hall to the stairs. I believed that Chlodna Pani's room was on the upper floor along with Sasuke's. I had made it up easy enough, save some of the embarrassing stumbling and damage to my shins.

It was still and peaceful, just like the rest of the house. More doors littered the walls on this floor. This really knocked my confidence of finding Chlodna Pani's room on least my third try way down. Just threw it down and burned it to the ashes, then burned the ashes (it was really that bad…). I had already made it a quarter of the way down the hall when I started to contemplate turning around and forgetting about the open door and the eyes. I sighed and turned to go back to my room when I bumped into a firm bodied somebody and fell to my rear. I prayed to anything that was awake enough at this hour to be listening that it was just a wall or Chlodna Pani (though, I don't think she would be that muscular… more squishy, maybe…) and not Sasuke (hmm, hopefully he's not squishy…).

I opened my eyes to see what, or who, I had run into; I almost pissed myself I was so scared. It was Sasuke. But then I noticed that his face looked older and his hair longer than the last time I saw him. There was no way he could age this quickly in such a short amount of time. Impossible.

"I… uh…" I remembered that was a German family and that Sasuke was probably the only one able to speak Polish. That sucked.

The man towered over me, staring me down. I felt like I had grew to the size of an ant and he was about to step on me and grind me into the ground. All my insides hurt.

"So," I was surprised to hear Polish. "You're Sasuke's little infatuation." The man finally said, his slightly deep velvet-like voice penetrating my being and paralyzing it. I tried to move to get up and sadly failed, only able to get my hand over my mouth.

Infatuation? I wished I knew what that meant.

"Looking for Mother?" He said in a hushed voice. I felt like crying I was so scared. I didn't know what to do or what this man would do to me. I just sat there, looking up at him, my eyes wide, my fear dancing all over my face. His eyes, dark and mysterious like Sasuke's, narrowed.

"You are never to come up here without permission again, do you understand?" I nodded so fast I thought my head might have snapped off and, finally being able to move, rushed past him and down the stairs. It's a miracle I didn't fall or trip, or even die, on my way down.

I had slept three straight days after that encounter, waking up in a cold sweat screaming at the end of third day. Chlodna Pani was horribly worried and had not eaten the whole time.

I didn't know what was wrong with me.

Nothing had happened to me. No one did anything to me (the man's warning did me no true harm, just scared the living shit out of me…). The whole time I was sleep, I had not one dream, so nothing could have sent me screaming myself awake. I was scared, and I was beginning to get weak. I had not eaten but once the whole time. My stomach just wouldn't take in anything after that one time.

It was late in the afternoon, almost a full week since I'd been there, that I had finally seen Sasuke for the first time. Chlodna Pani was bringing me some hot tea and honey because my throat was all irritated and I couldn't stomach anything else. Sasuke had followed close behind her. But when I looked up at him, expecting him to have his usual snobby look on his face and his bastard-ass attitude, I was completely devastated.

He was all broken. His face was sullen and tired. His right arm was in a cast and was held up by a sling. Bruises littered his left arm and his neck. And his walk was a really bad limp. My chest twisted to the point where it just tore and I started to choke. My eyes watered and I couldn't stop the tears from falling nor could I hide them before Sasuke saw me. I hid my face in the comforter, which was not comforting at all, and cried and cried and cried. I knew Sasuke would hate me forever for crying for him, but I couldn't help it. Seeing him in the state he was in that day ripped a huge, empty void deep in my soul.


	11. The Ghetto

A servant of the Richter (Uchiha) household sent me on my way the next day. The servant gave me a new bag that Chlodna Pani sewn herself that had contained shampoo, a new loofa, body soap, a coloring book with crayons, and a blank drawing pad. There were a few snacks in there as well. I had found it weird that he had apologized (In German of course, but I knew he was saying sorry by the look on his face and the tone of his voice) for sending me away so early (both early in the day and early as far as my stay there went). I shrugged it off and told him to not worry about it by smiling assuredly.

Nothing was on my mind at the moment. Not even Sasuke. I tried to keep him out of my head as much as possible. The internal gash in my chest didn't hurt as much when my mind wasn't on him. I walked down the long path to the main road.

I had sat down again for the fifth time since I left. I was still weak from lack of food. I rested my head against the pole of the street light and looked around. Odd, there were hardly any people around, save for the Jackboots strolling around, and the people who were around were packing their things into small pull carts that were built to be pulled by horses. There was not one horse in sight, though.

Slowly, I got up and worked my way to one lady who was leaning against a cart. She was at least seventeen.

"Ma'am?" She turned her head to me, her light chestnut brown hair falling a little in her odd dark bluish eyes. "What are you doing? Where is your horse for your cart?"

"I'm afraid that we won't be able to have a horse pull our cart for us." She frowned.

"That's a lot of things in there, though. It is bound to be heavy, ma'am." A thoughtful look came about on my face as I looked at all the furniture and knickknacks on her cart. "You can't possibly be able to pull this to wherever you are going by your lonesome. Not even a block up before getting tired, maybe…" I was getting a little confused now.

"Johanna! Come help me and Father with this!" a fairly young male voice call from the little shop. Their home was on top of the shop.

"Coming!" She ran a little towards the shop, then turned to me. "Be right back, lad. Watch cart for me please?"

"Yes, ma'am!" I smiled big and stood guard in front of the cart. I stood at attention. I looked left, then right, switching every five to ten seconds. The Jackboots were still about, walking casually and talking to their girlfriends. A deep hate started to burn in the pit of my stomach and it was getting bigger and hotter as the minutes went by. Before it could get any bigger or hotter, though, Johanna came out carrying a wardrobe with her father, a good looking fellow, not too old looking, but not young either, and brother, young boy at least fifteen. I'm guessing the boy was her brother, though they looked nothing alike. She looked a whole lot like her father. Same hair color, almost same eye color, same round-looking face.

"Easy, now. Easy…" the supposedly brother said as they loaded it onto the cart. "Yes! I'll go get the small things and then we're going to head on out." The father nodded.

"I don't want to go…" Johanna said, her eyes shining from ready-to-fall tears. She put her arm up to her eye to stop the tears and turned to get on the cart. She bumped into me. "Oh! I'm sorry, lad! I almost forgot you were watching the cart." She wiped away more tears. "Thank you very much. Here…" She reached into the left pocket of her dress and pulled out a small gold pin. "I shan't need it anymore. It'll be safe in your possession." I shook my head and tried to give it back to her. "No, no. Keep it. Watch and see, child, for I am right." She smiled, and then climbed onto the cart. Before long, she was down the street. Her father and supposedly brother waved goodbye to me before grabbing the long wooden bar in front of the cart and started to heave up the street.

Johanna did not wave, though. She was looking down at her hands…

I twirled the pin between my fore finger and thumb in my pocket as I sat in the shade (though it wasn't hot at all), and watched the parade of people walk by, going as slow as fucking molasses rolling up a hill, I swear. I wanted to just push them over and yell at them for going so slow, for wasting my time. My head started to pound and I had to just stop thinking for a long moment. How silly of me. Getting unnecessary headaches over something so tedious and stupid.

"Naru! Naaaaru!" It was Chouji calling me. He was the only one that ever called me that. He called out my name once more, then his head peered around the corner into the short, shallow ally I was in and came hurrying down. "Naru! I found you!" Desperation overflowed in his voice.

"Chouji! What wrong?" I forgot all about the parading people behind him.

"Where is Shikamaru?"

"That's why I'm here." He sat down beside me; a worried and panicked look took over his features and tone of voice. "Him and the rest of the boys are being herded into a sectioned off place in the city along with a ton of other people." He held up his wrist in my face, then. A white band with a peculiar blue star emblem was embroidered on it. "The Jackboots are making them were this band. Juden they said."

The Jackboots again. What were they up to now?

I got up, dusted myself off, pulled on my new backpack, and started toward the mouth of the ally. The people were still marching up the street. I turned to Chouji, who was right at my heels.

"What do…" I stopped myself. I was going to say What do you want me to do?, but that sounded too mean and that wasn't my intent. "Where is the enclosure?"

"Near the train station." Chouji pointed in the general direction of the station. "Right next to it, actually." I nodded and started to walk when I bumped into a big, plump person. "Oh!" it gasped and pulled me up to me feet as fast as I went down. Its arm had the same band that Chouji had on.

"Sorry, sorry, honey." a female voice sounded from the plump frame and it waddled on with the rest of the people. I never saw her face. It was all covered up in head rags.

"These people are going to the place. See? They have the bands on just like us."

Us?

"You mean you and the rest of the boys. I don't have one." I corrected. I held both of my wrists in his face. "See? No band."

"Humph. Lucky…"

When we got there, there was a brick wall (which was still being built at the time) surrounding part of the city and had the railroad running through, though there was no way to get close to the rails. I could only go up to the metal wire fence and the rails would be on the other side of it. The metal fence ran from where it met the brick wall, all the way in the other direction forever it seemed. Barbed wire was cluttered on top and at the bottom on the other side.

We stepped over a low part of the wall and, like that, we were in the enclosure. That was too easy. Chouji went running as soon as we were on the other side, shouting Shikamaru's name over and over. I followed him.

As I walked around, I noticed that the people with the odd bands on their arms started pour in from a large black iron gate. All of them ran into the empty settlements, pushing down others, spitting in their faces as they ran past someone not of their family, if they even had one. The children ran about in the courtyards, laughing and tagging each other. Even they wore the bands. I shivered.

I caught up to Chouji just he had jumped on Shikamaru. Shikamaru had been in front of a two-story settlement way, way in the back of the enclosure, just standing there, staring up at the sky. The way he was looking up made me realize something.

"Shikamaru? I though that you all were back in the cellar. What are you doing here?"

"We couldn't stay in the cellar. We would have been trapped if we were still down there."

"What do you mean?"

"They burned down the barbershop. If we all hadn't gotten out of the cellar when we had, we would have eventually suffocated. The latch leading down is now welded to the ground, so you can't pull it open anymore." I was speechless. My cellar…

"How did you know to get out?" Chouji said when I didn't speak.

"Akamaru was having a horrible fit. He kept barking and whining and jumping up at the opening. When Kiba opened the hatch, he bolted out and hid behind the shop next door, whining and covering his face with his paws. Kiba told us that we have to leave, that Akamaru had sensed something bad. By time we all got out, the Jackboots were marching down the street, burning everything down in their path, the barbershop included."

"It's good that all of you got out safe." Chouji sighed in relief. "Where are they anyway?" Shikamaru pointed to the settlement behind him.

It was quiet for a long moment. Shikamaru had gone back to looking at the sky. Chouji was sitting at his feet, drawing in the dirt, enjoying Shikamaru's company once more. I was just standing there, looking like a dumbass. Everything that Shikamaru had just said was running through my mind. This thought would crash into that thought and my head would start to swell. Each collision made my head swell little by little by little.

Then Broken Sasuke somehow worked his way into the mess and made everything a hundred fold worse. My heart was in my ears. I could feel my breathing becoming shallower with each breath.

Naruto! Naruto!

Someone was calling my name. I think it was Shikamaru. Why was he so far away?

Naruto! Snap out of it!

I was being shaken back and forth. Shikamaru was yelling my name again. He voice sounded panicked. What was happening? I wasn't getting sick again, was I?

Shino!

Was something happening to Shino, too?

Where was my eye sight? I could still see things, but at the same time, I couldn't see a thing. My sense of hearing seemed to be bad, too.

Everyone who was shouting or calling up others sounded so far away, yet I knew they couldn't be no more than a foot or less away from me. Shino's voice called out to me.

Calm down, Naruto. You're hyperventilating. Take deep, slow breaths.

I wanted to tell him that I was scared. I couldn't concentrate long enough to do that.

Then everything went black.

"God, Gaara. Was that really necessary?"

"I think you killed him."

"He's dead?!"

I'm dead?

"Can I have his backpack?"

What?!

"No!"

"I want it!"

"No! NO! I WANT IT!"

"Stop it! No one is having the backpack except Naruto."

"But… he's dead…"

"He is not dead, you dip-shits. He's knocked out. See? He's still

breathing…"

"Damn…"

"You should've hit him harder, Gaara."

"I really wanted that backpack."

I hope I wasn't dead. They'd tear me apart for my stuff if I were.

The sky was purple-pink when I woke up. A dull pain ached in the back of my neck. I rested my hand on it gently as I got up from the small mattress and felt my way to the little area of padding where Shikamaru and Chouji lay. I tapped Shikamaru's shoulder.

"Shikamaru… Shikamaru, wake up, please." He rolled over to face me, then, a moment later, his eyes slowly fluttered open. His eyes looked around, confused, and then finally focused on me. He yawned.

"Naaaaaaaruuuto…" he yawned my name. "What's wrong?"

"Where are we?" I tried to keep the panic out of my voice. "Where are we?" my voice a hushed whisper. I stretched my body out on the floor, and then faced Shikamaru.

"In the little house."

"We are still in the enclosure?"

"This is where we live now."

"Why?"

"I don't know." He was lying.

"I don't want to live here. This is not home."

Shikamaru didn't say anything this time. His eyes were closed. He chest went up and down. He wasn't sleeping.

"Shikama-" He held up a finger, hushing me. He turned around, back into his original position, and quietly said,

"Go back to sleep. It's too early in the morning to even try to attempt to think." And that was that. He said no more.

Later on in the day, Shino had given the enclosure a name. Terminology, really. The ghetto. He said it was not home, but until we find home, this is where we would be staying. We were in transition, he said.

Ghetto.

The word echoed about in my head. I wondered why it was called that. It was a weird name. I like calling it an enclosure. It doesn't sound so evil when you call it that.


	12. Benedykt's Crush

It had been three days since the boys were put in the enclosure. We roamed around for the first day. I saw a tree that looked like a good climbing tree. Shino found a promising bookstore. Shikamaru found a good napping place. The second day, we all slept through most of the day, getting up an hour or so before the sun started to set. The third day we all woke up early and planned to take another tour around. Kiba stole some pastries and we had them for breakfast. They were semi-sweet.

The sky was turning from its morning pink-orange to its early and fresh blue and the few birds still around started to chirp their cheery morning song when we all filed out of the little house, Shikamaru and Shino in the front leading us. We each were munching on our second pastry. All of a sudden, Shikamaru and Shino turned around. Everybody bumped into each other.

"We are splitting up." Shikamaru announced.

"Why?" Rock Lee questioned. Gaara looked at him impatiently. "I thought we were taking another tour around… all of us together…" Rock Lee started to bounce from one foot to the other nervously.

"Today, we are going to go in groups of two and do little mini tours of a section of this place." Shino explained. "We need to get to know the area."

"In case of emergency or something?" Chouji said, stretching. Shino nodded.

"Can't we go back to bed and sleep for another hour or so? I'm super tired…" Kiba tugged on Shino's shirtsleeve. "The sun is still not all the way in the sky…"

"No, Kiba. You can sleep later. Plus, I need you to pair up with me."

Shino said to him, patting his head when he laid it down on his shoulder.

Their fingers laced loosely together. I couldn't help by stare at their intertwined hands.

"More sleep would be nice." Gaara said, folding his arms. He rested against a small, but firm nearby tree. Rock Lee continued to bounce.

Shikamaru had paired us all up with another in the group (only one person was left without a partner. Jan, I think his name was). I got paired up with one of the more unknown boys in the group. He's always with the other two lesser known boys. He was very quiet and polite. He was also the one who sleeps the longest out of the little group.

"Be back here when the sun is highest in the sky." Shikamaru said, walking off, Chouji trailing behind him. We set off.

My partner and I were to tour the northwest part of the enclosure. It was a while before we got to the very top corner of the enclosure. There were large, tall metal wire gates with barbed wire at the top running in two directions forever.

The boy tugged on the back of my shirt. "What are we looking for exactly?" His voice was so small.

"Anything or place that might aid us one day. Kind of like a secret place just for us." The boy nodded to show that he understood; then a confused look came about his face.

"Naruto, why are we here?"

"In this part of town? Because the Jackboots put you guys here."

"No, I mean, why are we surrounded by gates? Why are we being herded into a pen like animals?" His large, hazel eyes bore into my blue, searching desperately for an answer. For an answer that I didn't have.

I turned away from his stare and started walking. "Come on. We've got to find something before the sun is high."

He trotted hopelessly after me.

I believe we did well.

We had found two good bakeries and a low gap in a stonewall behind some thick undergrowth that we both were able to squeeze through with ease. The boy had pointed out that the wall looked just like the one being built at the front of the enclosure.

"There might be more gaps in that wall, too," he had said. I smiled and patted his head, praising him. He had blushed.

We had also found another group of children, about four to six people, ages ranging from at least eight to thirteen, hiding out on top floor of an old, dusty apartment building. I had noticed two of them going in and peering out the window at the top. They didn't see us and we didn't interact with them. That was something for Shino or Shikamaru to do.

We were heading back, the sun crawling closer to the middle of the sky, when the boy asked me an unusual question.

"Why are you so conceited?"

I turned around, the most confused look on my face. "Con…ceited?" He nodded. "I don't even know what that word means."

"Why do you put yourself above the others like you're better?"

I looked at him straight on. He was being rude. I was look for a mocking expression on his face or something like it, but all that was there was pure curiosity.

"I… don't do that…"

"Yes, you do."

"How?"

"Just because you have blond hair and just because the Jackboots haven't given you an armband, you think you are safe. You think you are better than the rest of the boys. They all got armbands." The boy held up his left arm. The white of the armband reflected the blinding light of the sun. The blue star stood out like it was about to jump off.

"I don't think like that. I don't even understand the meaning behind the armbands or why the Jackboots act the way they do. You shouldn't call people 'conceited' or other nonsense like it. I go where the boys go. We all have to stick together, armband or no armband."

"Naruto and Benedykt. What did you two find?" Shikamaru came up to us, a pencil in one hand and tattered piece of paper in the other. Shikamaru folded the paper to a blank spot.

"Come on."

We gave our report. I did all the talking, though, telling Shikamaru where we were and what I found. The boy, Benedykt, just nodded and agreed with everything I said. I told Shikamaru every detail I could remember. I told him about the group of children. His face showed a small silver of surprise when I mentioned the children. I didn't mention the gaps in the stonewall. Something inside me was telling me that it wasn't time to tell them. Benedykt didn't say anything about the gaps either. Benedykt didn't say anything at all.

Shikamaru nodded with satisfaction. We all talked and mingled in front of the house for a few minutes. Soon, we separated, some going into the house, some going to explore some more. I went into the house, determined to crawl under my comforter and sleep 'til tomorrow.  
But when I reached my mattress, Benedykt was there, seeming to have been waiting for me.

"Uh… Hi, Benedykt…"

"Hello."

The silence that followed was horribly awkward. He stared at me, waiting for me to respond. My eyes darted this way and that, trying to think of something to do. I felt like I could just faint.

"I like you." My brows scrunched together as I pointed to myself. He nodded. "I like you a lot."

"I… um… You… uh, I have to go…" I stammered as I ran out the room. I could feel his eyes on my as I stumbled down the stairs.

"Shino! Shino!" I cried as I approached him and Kiba. They were sitting in the shade under the tree, relaxing. Akamaru was close by, sleeping soundly. Shino's head was in Kiba's lap with Kiba's fingers gently laced in his hair. Kiba's expression turned hard and cold when sat down in front of them three feet away. "I… I have problem."

"We don't care. Now, go away." Kiba was shooing me away with his hand. Shino reached up and grabbed Kiba's shooing hand.

"Let's hear what he has to say, first." Shino said. He then gestured me to explain my problem. I looked at Kiba for a brief moment, then at the ground.

"Well?" Kiba's voice was hard.

"I… Well, you know that one boy I was paired up with for the tour?"

"Benedykt? The one with hazel eyes?"

"Yeah, that's him." I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. "He… um…" I didn't know how to put the problem into words.

"Come on already."

"Well, I had went up to my mattress to go back to sleep for the rest of the day, but when I got there, the boy was there, waiting for me on my mattress. I didn't know what to do, so I stood there, waiting for him to leave. But then, he comes out of nowhere and says that he likes me! I really don't know what that means, but it made me feel funny and annoyed inside. I mean, I don't even know him and he doesn't even know me! And now I don't know what to do! I don't like him at all!" I was out of breath and my eyes had started to fill a little with frustrated tears. I wiped at my eyes, trying to clear my vision.

Shino chuckled as sat up briefly to stretch, and then laid his head back down in Kiba's lap. "Why don't you like him?"

"Because, I don't even know him. I can't like someone I hardly know."

"It has nothing to do with the fact he's a boy and he likes you?"

"No. I don't care that he's a boy… Why? Is it bad?"

Shino shook his head, a faint smile on his face. Kiba's eyebrows had risen up. "Naruto," Shino started. "Do you know the difference between liking someone as a friend and liking someone as something more than a friend?"

"I think…"

"Explain."

I thought for a minute. "Well, when you like someone as a friend, you just like their company and you like to hang out with them and have fun with them. But when you like someone more than a friend, you…" I didn't know how explain how someone would feel if they liked another more than a friend. I thought and thought and thought. And then, Sasuke popped up in my mind. This Sasuke wasn't broken and beaten up. He was normal. Perfect. The feelings I felt when I was around him and saw him came back. The dream I had of him came back to me. "When you like someone more than a friend, you want to be close to them all the time. You want to get to know them more. You want to make them laugh and smile. You want to make them happy."

Shino and Kiba looked at each other, then smiled. I noticed how soft Kiba's eyes became when he looked at Shino. Kiba likes Shino more than a friend. Shino likes Kiba more than a friend.

Benedykt likes me more than a friend.

But I don't like Benedykt.

"Shino," I started. "I don't know what to say to him."

"Tell him that you don't like him like that."

"What if he gets mad or gets violent?"

Kiba laughed. "Benedykt? Violent? That's never going to happen."

"Could one of you be close by at least?" I was really nervous.

"Okay. We'll both be outside the room in the hall." Shino said, sitting up, and then standing. Stretched and yawned. "Come one, Kiba." Kiba muttered curses as Shino pulled him up to his feet. I led the way back inside.

"Naruto!" Benedykt cried as I walked back into the room. I couldn't believe that he was still in the room, on my mattress, too.

"Have… Have you been waiting here the whole time?"

"Yes." He smiled a big smile. My legs felt weak. Benedykt bounced up and down on my mattress and for the first time, I actually looked him over.

His face was round like a little child. His voice was really high pitched. His eyes were big and round like a child's. When he stood next to me, he was at least a whole head shorter than me.

"Benedykt, how old are you?"

"At least ten. Maybe eleven. That's what Bernard told me, anyway."

From what Chlodna Pani told me, I was at least fifteen.

"Excuse me." I slipped out of the room. "Shino, fifteen is bigger than ten and eleven right?"

"Yeah."

"Is it bad if a ten or eleven year old likes a fifteen year old?"

"It may be…"

I stepped back into the room. Benedykt was still there, waiting patiently.

"Benedykt, it's... really cute that you like me and stuff, but," I hesitated, my throat feeling thick all of a sudden. I had felt like that this last breath I'd taken would be the last normal one, and that I wouldn't be able to catch another one. But, I heard Shino's slight, slight, slight whisper, "Take it easy. Calm down." I gave a nod; I could do this. "I... I don't really like you back, not like that, Benedykt."

"You don't like me?" Benedykt's eyes somehow got bigger and tears started to fill them.

"Not like how you like me." The boy's head drooped down. He drew imaginary circles on the floor with his foot. "We can only be friends, okay? We can hang out every once in a while, okay?" He nodded solemnly. This wasn't as bad or hard as I thought it would be.

"Now, may I get to my mattress so I can finally go back to sleep?" I nodded, smiling apologetically. I watched him as he walked awkwardly to the door. When he finally walked out the room, I pulled off my shirt and stripped down to my underwear. I fished some shorts out of my backpack (I always keep shorts with me for trips to the river), and stretched, finally winding down.

"I still like you even though you don't like me." Benedykt's voice whispered from behind me. I felt him press his face to my back. He wrapped his thin arms around my waist. "One day, I'll be old enough to be with you."

"My God…" I muttered.

For the next four days, Benedykt would stalk me and give me his extra pastries or candy. I woke up one morning with him staring right me. I swear I almost pissed myself…

"I still like you, Naruto."

"You'll like me one day."

"We're going to be together forever."

What was with this kid?

One night, all the boys sat in a circle (or something like it) in the main living area and just talked and laughed and played games. It was here that I noticed the pair of people that are always together. Shino and Kiba like always. Shikamaru and Chouji. The others just kind of mingled a little bit with everyone except for Gaara. He didn't talk to anyone really, didn't really mingle with anyone. But Rock Lee always found his way over to Gaara. Gaara would sometimes talk to him and other times, he just ignored the poor boy completely. This seemed to not bother him at all. He would just sit next to Gaara, enjoying the company.

And before I got paired up with Benedykt, the young boy would always be with the other three lesser known boys, Bernard, Dominik, and Jan. They would sit in a corner together chatting about whatever. And Benedykt would never really say anything. He would laugh quietly every now and again.

Well, after my observing, I happened to notice that Benedykt was nowhere to be seen. After the many times he's jumped on me (more like attacked me) from behind, I was afraid to look behind me, but I did anyway.

And I'm glad I did.

Because he was coming in real fast, getting ready to pounce on me. I scooted to the side two spaces and held my arm out. His eyes grew big as he saw what I was doing and tried to slow down, but it was too late. He tripped over my arm and nearly flew all the way to the other end of the room.

"Dammit! Leave me alone! I don't like you!" I screamed.

It was quiet as everyone took in what was happening. In the corner, Bernard's face was turning red with anger.

"Benedykt! How could you?!" Bernard yelled at him. "You're turning into them!"

"Them?" Kiba questioned and looked over to Shino and Shikamaru. They boy shrugged.

"Them! You!" He pointed to Shino and Kiba. "And you!" He pointed then to Chouji and Shikamaru. "You demons!"

"Demons?" Rock Lee looked down at his trembling fingers. Tears welled up in his dark eyes. I started towards him, but Gaara was already there, not exactly hugging him or comforting him, just sitting close to him. He put Rock Lee's hand on his knee, and placed his own hands on the other knee and rested his head on top of them.

"You! The blond boy!" Bernard called out. "What have you done to my brother?!"

I shook my head. "I don't understand."

"Do you think this is right?"

"Is what right?"

"Don't play dumb! Do you think it is right for a boy to like another boy like this?!" It was silent. The air got heavy and tense. Akamaru let out a throaty, drawn-out whine. "Why do you think the Jackboots rounded all you up and dumped you here? The world is sick of the foulness and revolting lifestyle you all try to lead! And I'm sorry I though I could seek safety and refuge with a bunch like you."

The room was completely silent; the air was thick, and I felt like I couldn't breath. What was Bernard trying to say?

"Do you think this shit is right?"

Was it right?

"Bernard. Benedykt. You two are banned from our group. You have posed a threat to our way of life and are to stay away from us and our haven." Shino stated firmly. The two brothers were pushed out the door.

"Does Benedykt have to be banned? He didn't do anything wrong." I whispered to Shikamaru.

"No, he didn't have to be. But he wanted to be with his brother."

Shino waited until they were out of sight before closing the door. He sighed heavily.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru stretched. Shino started upstairs, Shikamaru following suit.

"Wait," I called softly. The two boys turned around. "Was… It is right?"

"Naruto…"

"It's right, isn't it?"

"There's no right nor is there a wrong. If you only have feelings for boys and nothing else, then it's just that. If you only have feelings for girls and nothing else, then it's just that. And if you have feelings for both boys and girls, then it's just that. There's nothing wrong with liking a boy and you too are a boy." Shino explained gently.

"And it's the same with girls." Shikamaru added.

"Girls can like other girls, too?" They both nodded.

"Does it bother you that Shikamaru and I like boys?"

"Not at all." I assured. "I thought it was a normal, everyday thing."

"It is a normal thing."

"Are you okay now?" Shikamaru asked. I nodded and they smiled and continued on up stairs.

I went to bed that night feeling easy and relieved. I danced in my dreams with one I liked, even if he was a total stuck-up bastard.


	13. Fresher Air

In a month's time, Shino, Kiba, Shikamaru, Chouji, Gaara, Rock Lee, Dominik, Jan, and I have stored food in one large room. There wasn't a chance that the Jackboots would burn down this home of ours (besides the fact that it was all brick and we all tried to believe that brick absolutely could not burn down to the ground).

In a month's time, we had developed and maintained a routine. Each of us has something different to do everyday concerning the household. Someone takes out the trash. Someone makes up all the beds. Someone keeps the walls clean. Someone cleans up the rooms. Someone makes sure that the others aren't sneaking food and drinks from out the Food Vault. There's always something to do, or at least, Shino found something for you to do. And if you do your chore right the first time or kept up with your chore, you'd have the rest of the day to play, explore, sleep, whatever.

In a month's time, I learned what months and days were. I learned how to count to higher numbers. I learned how to read and spell out my name and how to read the names of all the other boys, too.

In a month's time, I had begun to notice that the enclosure was getting more and more people almost every day. I wondered how so many people could fit into what seemed to be such a small space. I also noticed how the Jackboots came every Sunday just to stroll around with women on their arms. Some of the Jackboots carried a black box like thing with them and aimed it at various people. I had experienced this first hand one day while out on an errand with Shikamaru.

Rock Lee had been playing out front by himself and somehow tripped and fell and ended up with a gash on his leg. Shino had sent Shikamaru out to go and get some bandages and I decided to tag along.

"Where are we going to get bandages from?" I had asked Shikamaru as we walked down the street towards the center of the enclosure.

"From the market."

"Market?"

"You'll see." He said as we turned a corner. I had never been in the center before. I was always sleeping or playing either in our little house or in front of it. So I was curious and excited and jumping the whole way there.  
"Is it-" I started, but Shikamaru shushed me.

"You'll see," He repeated. I couldn't wait to see what this market was. I imagined that the market was this gigantic building as big as the world itself where inside, there were all sorts of things and all sorts of things happening. There were all sorts of people who could make things appear and disappear with a flick of the wrist. With a snap of a finger. Maybe there were animals as smart as people who sold things and told stories. Maybe a person there made things from other things or even from the air. This was probably the person Shikamaru was going to get the bandages from. I couldn't wait.

Shikamaru grabbed my arm suddenly and pulled me over to the other side of the street. I was about to ask Shikamaru what that was for when the reason passed as up on the other side. A Jackboot with two women with him kept strolling along. One of the women cradled the box-like thing in her hands. She clutched it tightly when she laughed at whatever they were talking about. Shino's voice rang in my head.

'Always stay away from the Jackboots.'

He had said this after the barn was burned down. Shikamaru sighed heavily. I expected for him to say 'how troublesome', but he didn't say anything. We walked on.

It wasn't long before we ran into another Jackboot couple. We managed to avoid them too, but as soon as we reached the corner across the way, a Jackboot and two ladies turned the same corner and ran into us. I fell down.

One of the women said something in German, though it sounded a little rough, nothing like Shikamaru's or Sasuke's, or Chlodna Pani's German, which was smooth. The Jackboot laughed, though I wondered at what. At her bad German or what she actually said? Or maybe at what she meant to say.

The Jackboot looked up at the sky, which was grey with clouds. He spoke, "Es ist ein feiner Tag. Nehmen wir ein paar Bilder. Ja?" He kneeled down and brought up the black box up to his face. I backed up a few steps. What was he doing? Was he about to shoot us? Just like that? He brought the black box down from his face, frowning. "Blond Jungen. Hälst du immer noch." He pointed at me and motioned for me to get back in my original spot. I didn't move. "Jetzt!"

"Naruto. Get back up here." Shikamaru said from the side of his mouth.

"It's not going to harm you. It's just a camera."

"A 'camera'?"

"I'll explain after they're gone. Now come on." I nodded and stood back at my original spot. I tried not to shake as the Jackboot brought the black box back up to his face. He slid his finger over to a large button and I had to fight down the urge to scream as he pushed I down. As Shikamaru had promised, the black box did nothing. Nothing pierced through me as I thought it would.

"Gut." The Jackboot said, as he stood back upright. "Gut." He repeated as he handed over the black box to the lady to his right and started on his way, the two ladies trailing after him. They snickered and laughed as they turned down a corner. My stomach felt uneasy and something was coming up in my throat burning the whole way up.

I fell to my knees with sickening feeling as I threw up all over the sidewalk. Shikamaru was beside me, rubbing my back.

It was maybe an hour before we were off again, walking through the enclosure. My stomach was calm now, but growling. I was hungry.

"What was that thing? The camera thing…" I asked Shikamaru.

"A camera is what takes pictures." His voice sounded annoyed.

"Like the ones in my cellar? But those were painted with colours." I thought for a moment. "Does the camera have paints and colours in it that paints the picture right away?"

Shikamaru laughed. "What an imagination." We turned another corner. His voice sounded amused. That was better. "No, it doesn't have that, but that's really clever."

As we walked on, I realized that we weren't going to the center, and that we had actually passed it up a while ago. We would have had to turn around and turn down a few corners to get the center.

"Market?" I asked, stressing the word just like Shikamaru had.

"Finally caught on, huh." said he as we approached a black wrought iron gate.

"What are we doing here?" Shikamaru didn't respond right away. He seemed to be checking his surroundings. Like he didn't know where he was.

A cold breeze shook the slowly dying trees gently. The trees were losing leaves, some already bare. The few birds still here had long gone, not wanting to be caught up in the soon-to-come snow. The squirrels had gathered their nuts and such and were already secure in their tree-homes. The cold was coming. Winter was coming.

Shikamaru finally gave me my answer. Another cold breeze blew, a little stronger than the last, blowing some leaves off the trees and into my hair.

"We are going to the outside." My eyes widened as Shikamaru walked over to the gate and carefully slipped through the bars.

"It feels so different over here." I stretched as we walked down the street. I had gone through the bars of the gate just like Shikamaru had.

"It's like the air is fresher on this side and the sky is brighter, even though it's grey today."

"Yeah." Shikamaru agreed. He stretched also, taking a deep breath of the seemingly fresher air. I noticed that he didn't have on his armband.  
"Hey, where'd your armband go?" I pointed at his wrist. He quickly shushed me.

"Don't talk about the armband openly like that. Especially when outside, okay?" I nodded. "Hmm, speaking of those, why don't you have one?"

"I never got one. Where'd you get yours from?"

"The Jackboots gave everybody one before herding us in there." Shikamaru rubbed at his wrist. The armband had left indentions in his skin.

Herding.

There was that word again. That was the same word Benedykt used. Did they all feel like trapped animals in the enclosure?

As we walked on, I noticed that the people that didn't get put in the enclosure seemed to somewhat continue on with their lives the best they could in the current state of the city. There were many new looking faces walking up and down the sidewalks. Women and family and friends of the Jackboots. This bothered me. How could they do that? Just go on like nothing's going on. And how could these unknown people just come here and start using our stores and eating our food and driving our cars? I had wanted to push them all out of the city, out of the country. I had wanted to scream at them and make them pack up their belongings and go back where they came from. I had wanted to herd them into the enclosure to show them how life was going for us. They wouldn't like it at all. They wouldn't like having their freedom restricted to such a small space. They wouldn't like having to wonder where the food is coming from or to have the amount of food they eat be limited to something smaller than the size of your fist. They wouldn't like feeling hungry all the time. The burning, squeezing, tiring feeling of hunger. I could feel my face growing hot and red. I would have suddenly screamed I was so frustrated if it weren't for that particular voice coming into earshot of me. I've only heard it once, but once was I all needed. I froze in mid-step. I want to turn the other way and run. I was hoping that it was just my mind playing evil tricks on me. But all my hopes were shot down with a gun and burned up with a black fire when that voice welcomed me:

"Sasuke's infatuation. Welcome back."


	14. Stew

To me, the air felt tense and an unknown pressure started to push out in all directions in my head as Shikamaru and I walked through the large house. The man from that night was leading us past the eating area into a well-lit hall. The hall walls had paintings of people and landscapes. The windows were evenly spaced and large. Despite the sunlight from the windows, the hall was steadily getting darker as we went on. Soon we came to the end of the hallway, where a large, dark-wooded door stood.

He knocked on the door once.

It was silent, then a voice shouted angrily from the other side. The man smirked and said something that sounded snide. The voice shouted a livid reply back.

"Ist er krank?" Shikamaru asked the man. The man nodded. "Er klingt furchtbar…"

I understood some of what they were saying. The person on the other side of the door is sick and something about something sounding awful. These words had been used many times the last time I was here, over a month ago. The man said something to the voice. The voice responded a minute later, a lot quieter than before. Then the man asked a question. The door suddenly opened. Somebody came out.

"Was? Gäste?" A pale face said as it looked around. Its dark, tired black eyes finally came to me. My heart jumped. The eyes narrowed, "Adrian!"

The man, Adrian, or Itachi as he will be called from now on, patted Sasuke on the shoulder. Sasuke slapped the hand away from him.

"Keep your infatuation company while I get our other guest the things he needs." Itachi said in Polish. Sasuke's fist curled up tightly. His eyes darted to Shikamaru. Shikamaru just stared back with that bored expression on his face. Sasuke had a look of disdain and was probably cursing under his breath as he went back into the dark room. Itachi started back down the hall. I looked to Shikamaru, who only gave me a reassuring look, then was gone down the hall, too.

Damn it.

I was all alone and it was horribly quiet. I eyed the door. It was still open, only slightly. I started to contemplate whether I should go in or not.

Sasuke didn't look so happy to see me here. I paced back and forth for a while until curiosity got the best of me and I poked my head through the crack in the door. It was dark, but a faint light coming from the farthest part of the room helped me see a little. I worked my body through the door and shut it as quietly as I could. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I noticed boxes and extra chairs and old toys and such cluttered the seemingly small room. I wondered what Sasuke could possibly be doing in a room like this as a carefully made my way towards the light.

"Sasuke?" I whispered as I approached another door. This door was a little smaller than the first door and was also open. The light, brighter than I thought it was, spilled out from it. "Saaaasuukee?" I heard an irritated sigh from within. A book, I believe, was slammed shut. So, Sasuke was reading back here?

The light blinded me as the door was opened completely. Squinting didn't help at all. I still couldn't see anything.

"Dobe," was all he said before I heard him walk away. I couldn't hear his footsteps, but the old wood flooring creaked, giving him away. I carefully followed in the direction of the creaking and stopped only when the creaking stopped.

"The light. It's dimmer right here than by the door, right?" I stammered. I didn't want to open my eyes if the light was still going to be that bright. My eyes just couldn't take bright lights.

A growl. "Just open your eyes, moron." And I did what I was told. I was afraid that the light was still going to be there in my face and that I was going to go blind, but my fears were to be seen as nonsensical when I saw that the room was moderately lit. I felt my nerves unwind from its tight bundle and my chest open up more. I didn't realize I was breathing so hard. As my breathing slowed, I looked about the room.

It was fairly big. Different colored carpets covered the creaky wooden floor. They all seemed to match and go along with each other nicely. Paintings and drawings that were done on large pieces of paper littered the walls. In the back of the room, a wooden thing with a big white thing on it was set up. Paints and colors and brushes were on the side of it on a dark dirty old stool. And in the middle of the room, Sasuke was lying on his back on the floor with a thick book, just as I had guessed.

"You paint back here?" I asked, my voice in a half whisper. "And read?" I looked at Sasuke intently, waiting for his reply. But he didn't reply. He didn't even look in my direction. It's like he didn't even hear me.

What a bastard.

I started to walk around, wanting to go look at the paintings, but when I heard the floor whine under my weight, I stopped in my tracks. I looked back at him. He was still in the same position, engrossed in his book. I didn't want to bother him any more than I had to. Taking a deep breath, I quickly scuttled across the room, finally stopping when I reached the farthest wall where the weird wooden and white thing was. I looked back at Sasuke and smiled to myself in relief. Same as when I last looked at him. It felt like I accomplished something of great importance.

"Don't run in the house, dobe, because if you fall and hurt yourself I will not help you."

I didn't feel so accomplished anymore, but when a certain painting caught my attention out the corner of my eye, I quickly pushed that feeling aside.

The painting wasn't anything awe inducing, but I found myself pulled into it. It was just something about it. I found the colour choices of the piece interesting. Deep, sad blue and bright, lively orange swirls danced around each other, seeming to compliment each other, both in colour and placement. When an orange swirl seemed to be reckless, a blue swirl would come and smooth things out. A gentle blue curve against a sharp orange angle.

Then I noticed something in the painting. There seemed to be two vaguely drawn people within the blue and orange swirls. Their facial features weren't really pronounced, but I could tell that they were sad. I then wondered what the meaning behind this painting was. Who did the two people and the colours represent, if anyone at all?

I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice that someone was standing next to me, so when that someone tapped my shoulder, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Naruto? Didn't you hear me calling you?" It was Shikamaru. "I have everything we need, so let's get going."

"Oh, yeah, right…" I looked back at the painting one last time before following after Shikamaru. Itachi was at the door, waiting for us. A low rumble sounded as Shikamaru went through the door.

I laughed, "You sound awfully hungry, Shika." Shikamaru poked his head back through.

"You should be hungry, too." And my stomach protested, just like Shikamaru's had done.

"Oh…" I hadn't really noticed that dreaded empty feeling before. My mind had been too preoccupied to think about food. I rubbed my belly and said, "I guess we'll have to get something to eat when we get back."

"You should eat something here." Itachi spoke up. "It'll be more filling than what you probably have back there." Itachi walked over to me then, lifting my arm and rolling up my sleeve to the shoulder. He had this bored-like expression on his face as he spoke, "Both of you are looking thinner than healthy."

Sasuke looked up from his book then, eyeing me. He didn't look concerned or interested. I wasn't sure what Sasuke felt or was thinking. He didn't give any hints; not in body language, or in facial expressions.

"Sasuke," Itachi started as he let go of my arm. I rolled the sleeve back down. "Come down with us. You need something to eat, also. I know you haven't eaten all day."

A frown and sigh.

We were all sitting at the large dining room table, waiting for the food to be done. The smells of cooking meat traveled out of the kitchen and into the dining room, making my stomach whine. I felt my face getting hot and red from embarrassment when it practically screamed. I swear it said, 'Fooooooooood! Gimme foooooooooooood!' Sasuke looked at me, clearly annoyed, from the corner of his eye. I rested my head on the edge of the table.

"I never knew how hungry I really was…" I moaned. Then I shot up and looked to Shikamaru. "Shikamaru! What about the others? We can't eat good food like this. The others are eating practically trash!"

"Oh, yeah. You're right." He scratched the back of his head. "I was so intent on eating that I really just forgot about them…" He sighed then. "How troublesome…"

"You're a bad person, Shikamaru." I joked. "Thinking of only yourself in times like this." I laughed only for a moment.

"Itachi…" Shikamaru started as he stood up. But Itachi cut him off before Shikamaru could go on.

"Don't be sorry. And I've already got you covered, so sit back down."

"It smells soooo good!" I exclaimed as the cooks packed containers of food into a backpack I had on my back.

"Thank you, Itachi. You've helped me out once again. Haha." Shikamaru rubbed the of back of his head and adjusted his backpack on his shoulder. Itachi just waved his hand at him impassively.

The cooks gave me a chocolate and patted me on my head as we left for the front door. After a few steps, I noticed that I was falling backwards a little. I stopped walking, but it didn't help. I couldn't carry the backpack properly and I was starting to fall over. A hand caught the back of my head, balancing me.

"Give it here, dobe." Sasuke said to me as he took the backpack off my back. I looked up at Sasuke and met his dark eyes for a brief second before he turned away and started after Shikamaru. There was something there in his eyes. Some kind of emotion. It made his face look softer when that something was in his eyes. Usually his face was sharp and had a scowl of some sort on it…

It was quiet on the way back. Sasuke didn't say anything. Shikamaru didn't say anything. And I didn't say anything just because they weren't saying anything. It kind of bothered me. I liked talking.

So instead, since I didn't have to carry anything, I walked ahead of Sasuke and Shikamaru, humming a soundtrack of melodies and made up tunes as I thought of them. I skipped and ran and did cartwheels up and down the empty streets. I even rolled down a slight hill in the middle of the street over the trolley tracks without harm.

I would have never been able to do this before the Jackboots came.

We finally came to the wrought iron gate we came through earlier. I immediately slipped through the bars. Sasuke's expression was genuinely sad, and it tugged at my chest where my internal wound, the void, resided. Shikamaru took off his bag and worked himself through the bars as well, then had Sasuke carefully climb up the iron bars a bit and hand the bags over one by one. They couldn't fit through the bars.

Sasuke dropped back to the ground with a light thud and kicked at the ground lightly, and then looked up at Shikamaru and I. His attention wasn't focused on neither of us, however.

He said something to Shikamaru in German, his voice sounding so dismal. Shikamaru replied, shaking his head to whatever Sasuke had said. Sasuke didn't say anything for a long while, and then asked (mumbled really) a question, looked past us at the enclosure. I turned slightly to look behind myself; there were a few people walking about and they looked as though they were lost. They walked aimlessly around the enclosure. There was nothing to do, nothing to say, while in the enclosure.

Shikamaru had shaken his head again. I caught the words "Tag" and "jetzt", which I knew to be "day" and "now", but I couldn't have known what they were talking about from just these two words.

"Okay." And like that, he was gone. I watched Sasuke until I couldn't see him anymore.

"Why is he sad?" I asked Shikamaru finally. Shikamaru came up next to me, staring in the direction Sasuke went. It was quiet between the two of us. Not even the wind made a sound as it blew gently against our faces.

"I'm not too sure, Naruto." he sighed and walked over to the bags and picked up the bag Sasuke had been carrying. "Come on. We need to get these to the others before they get too cold." I nodded and picked up the other bag and started towards our building.

Some how, the food Itachi packed was still as hot as it had been when we left. Everyone was overly joyous about finally being able to eat something hot after so long.

We didn't tell them where we got the hot stew. No one besides Shino knew about Itachi and Sasuke and the many times they have helped us. I didn't know why we didn't tell the boys about them, but it had seemed important that we kept quiet about it.

Shikamaru and Gaara tended to Rock Lee's wound with the ointment and bandages Itachi provided before distributing the stew to everybody. The stew had been very savory and warmed everyone up from the inside out.


	15. Snow Flakes

The first snow of the year fell yesterday.

We all had been inside at the time, minding our own business. Some of us were playing games; others were talking to one another. I had been playing a counting game with Rock Lee and Jan with a deck of makeshift cards. Gaara, who had been by the window, tapped the glass of the window and muttered only one word.

"Snow."

I felt the whole house stop immediately. It was like everyone has been frozen; nobody moved. The pause seemed to last forever, but it also passed so quickly. All of a sudden everyone rushed to the windows. The cards to our game scattered everywhere as I jumped up to see the snow.

Small, white specks fell from gloomy, grey clouds, slowly making their descend down to Earth. The specks landed on the grass, sticking to the blades like they had honey on them. Other specks landed on the pavement, instantly melting. It had given me a little hope that maybe the snow wouldn't stick, that the skies would hold off sending down snow for just a bit longer. We all had been waiting for this to happen. We just didn't know when it would finally come.

My small hopes were smashed when I looked out the window the next morning.

The ground was completely covered with snow. I couldn't tell where the grass ended and where the pavement began. I opened the door for a brief moment to stick my finger into the snow. It came up to the second joint in my pointer finger. Closing the door, I stuck my arms into my shirt and put my hands under my armpits. My body shook slightly, trying to warm back up from the minor winds that blew in when I had opened the door. The house suddenly felt colder than usual. The colours of the wall seemed duller. I sighed.

Winter had officially begun.

"I can't believe it's snowing already." Shikamaru sighed. He was sitting on the windowsill in the room he shared with Chouji and Gaara. "So troublesome…" I only nodded. I was arranging the playing cards by ascending numeral order on the floor under the window.

"Now that I think about it," I said, reaching over to my right for a card gone astray, "I wish that we had some of that hot stew right now. The house is getting colder."

"Yeah," Shikamaru yawned loudly. "That sounds nice right about now…"

Everyone had noticed the temperature change in the house. The house didn't have power or running water, so the heating system didn't work at all. Before, the temperature was steadily dropping, so we had a chance to adjust to the change, but this drop in temperature was so drastic that everyone opted to stay wrapped up in their blankets and sheets in their respective rooms. Only Shikamaru and I were the only ones up out of our blankets, though the more I thought about them, the more I wanted to go and wrap up in them.

"Didn't your cellar get cold in the Winter, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked as I stood up to stretch. I shivered as I came to the window. How was Shikamaru sitting there? It was horribly cold in and near the window.

"Not at all," I replied. "You'd think it would be freezing, being under the ground and all, but it stayed mighty cozy in there. I would light a small fire in the far corner when it came to be really cold to warm the cellar up again." I leaned on the windowsill just to shy away from it. I thought about how I used to sleep for days on end in my warm, overly orange cellar. I missed it terribly.

"Do you think we will ever be able to get inside my cellar again?" I asked the brunet, rubbing my hands against my arms, trying to get warm.

Shikamaru shrugged and yawned yet again. "I'm not sure. Possibly." He slid down from the sill and stretched, popping joints and bones and working out the cricks in his back as he leaned backward, then forward. "I feel old," the boy sighed, dragged himself to his sleeping space, where Chouji had been sleeping all day. He laid down next the chubby boy, resting his head on Chouji's side.

I left the room after picking up the counting cards and went back to the room I shared with Dominik, one of the two lesser-known boys still here. On a regular day, he slept the day away, only waking up to do a chore, then going right back to sleep afterwards, so it was a surprise when I walked into the room and saw him wide awake, sitting up on his padding.

He looked up at me only for a moment before looking away at something else, his hands, the strings at the end of his frayed blanket. He looked tired, which I thought would be impossible because the guy was sleeping ninety-nine percent of the time. The more I looked at him, the more tired he seemed to be. He looked at me again when I finally plopped down on my own padding of a bed and brought the multiple sheets and blankets I had up to my hips. I looked up to see Dominik looking at me. It made me feel uncomfortable.

"...What are we doing today...?" He had spoken so low that I had barely heard him. I shrugged.

"Nothing, I guess." I replied, shrugging again. "It's too cold."

Dominik nodded sluggishly, then shook his head, making his mouse brown hair fall in his face a little. He was clearly confused. "The snow finally came?"

I just stared at the boy.

"It's been on the ground for nearly two days already." I told him. Dominik shrugged this time and looked down at his blankets.

"I see..." he says, finally laying back down. He was out like a light before I could even begin to think my next thought.

The snow really had us all bummed out. We stayed in our rooms for another two days before Kiba finally got tired of lying around and made us all get up. We were all very hungry, but had been too cold to get up and get any food from out of the closet-like space in the main part of the house. We were careful to not take too much from out of the Food Vault now that the snow had come. Kiba had taken an arm of sausage from out of the Vault and had everyone sit in a huddled circle in the living room. He opened the package and took a bite out of it and passed it to his left. We all took turns taking bites from out of the sausage, only getting to take a bite of it six times each before it was wrapped up again and put back in the Vault.

"What are we doing out here, Kiba?" Rock Lee asked, shivering slightly. Both Shikamaru and Dominik yawned loudly at the same time. "There's nothing for us to do now."

"There's always something for us to do!" Kiba yelled at all of us. "How about thicker clothing, hm? Don't you think that is important? We're not squirrels, nor are we bears. We don't hibernate!" Kiba's face was slightly red. He was breathing was hard. "I refuse to sit around on my ass all Winter."

The room was silent. We all huddled closer to one another in an attempt to stay warm. Kiba rolled our eyes at us when we didn't respond. He stomped right up to me and pulled me to my feet. I know I must have had a questioning look on my face (or at least a stupid looking one), because Kiba rolled his eyes yet again and just dragged me by the arm to the front door.

"Put on your shoes," he barked at me.

I looked down at my shoes, then back up at him. "Kiba, I don't understand what…"

"Come on! Just do it!"

I did what I was told and pulled on my shoes and tied them tighter than usual. I didn't want snow to get into them. Kiba opened the door and a wave of cold air rushed in, instantly making goose bumps appear all over my skin. My thin pants and light jacket wasn't going to protect me from the outside at all.

Kiba grabbed me by my collar and dragged me outside, slamming the door behind him. He continued to drag me until we were a few yards away from the house, then he let go of me.

"Kiba," I huffed. "Why are we going outside? Where are we going?" I didn't understand Kiba at all. He didn't answer me, just shaking his head back and forth.

Kiba was never really fond of me. He talked to me as little as possible and tended to stay away from me as much as possible. He always had this annoyed look gracing his features when he came to be too close and always spoke to me in short, sharp sentences that were sometimes really vague. So it had really caught me off guard when he had chosen me to accompany him to wherever he was going. Usually, he was close to Shino and the two went nearly everywhere together. Now that I was thinking about it, the question of why he chose me over Shino started to bug me. I waited until we turned a corner (which led down to the center of the enclosure) to ask my burning question.

"Kiba," I called, trying to get his attention. He still didn't answer me, so I ran up ahead of him and stopped abruptly, making him run straight into me.

"For the love of God, what, Naruto?" He was glaring at me, daring me to bother him with something insignificant.

"I know you don't like me all that much, so…" I rubbed the back of my neck, looking down. "I was wondering why you had me come with you instead of Shino, 'cause, you know, you're always with Shino…"

Kiba sidestepped me and continued to walk. I quickly caught up to him, but didn't stop in front of him again. "Shino is not as quick on his feet as you are. He's really smart and he's really fast, but you're smaller and even quicker, and I need that to have this outing be successful."

It took a moment before Kiba's words made sense in my head.

So… He actually needed my help?

"Naruto," Kiba breathed as we came to the 'shopping district' of the enclosure. He turned to me, a mischievous smile defining his face. "Time to do some clothes shopping." I couldn't stop the same mischievous smile from spreading across my face.

Suddenly, I felt an explosion of warmth course through me as I started running down the street. Amazingly, many people were outside looking at the piss-poor items the makeshift vendors had on sale despite the cold. I was bouncing off of them like a ball, running through the small, narrow spaces between the legs and bodies of people I knew only someone as small as me could fit through. I saw an open door and ran inside the building, knowing exactly what I wanted to get.

I started testing the doors, each of them locked on the first floor. I ran up to the second floor and did the same, all of them being locked. I had started to loose energy (hope, excitement, something like it) when I got I got to the third floor and tested all the doors. Only the last one was unlocked and my energy rocketed again. I silently opened the door and quickly went in, leaving the door cracked. Immediately, I saw a woman and a small girl lying on a bare mattress. They were facing away from me, and I quietly went over to a heap of dark fabrics. On the very top of the pile laid a coat, which I pulled on. It fit me perfectly and it was very thick and warm. I continued to rummage through the pile, careful not to make a sound. I found two other coats that were larger than the one I wore and snuck back out the flat, gently closing the door. I ran back outside to see Kiba running down the street towards where we came in from with more than an armful of clothing. A particular item he wore on his head caught my immediate attention. He was wearing a bright orange hat that had thin, blue snowflakes etched in. I started towards the boy, trying not to drop the coats. It was hard for me to run to with clothing in my arms. Kiba made it seem so effortless. It was also harder to run though people with my arms so full, but I managed, and soon caught up with Kiba at the very end of the street. He told me to put the things I found in the crack in the end building, then go back and find more items.

By time we felt we were done, we ended up overfilling the crack and had to make several trips between the crack and the house, not noticing that two pairs of eyes had been watching the two of us the entire time.

"Wow…" was all that the boys could say.

There were more than enough clothing for all of us to wear an extra layer of clothing each plus a thick coat, including Bernard and Benedykt, had they still been living with us.

I liked my new Winter clothes. I took the orange hat from Kiba as soon as we had arrived back at the house from our last trip. At first, he wanted to fight me for the hat, but then totally forgot about it when Shino held up to him a black at that had tan puppies on them. They sort of looked like Akamaru, which sold him on the hat. So along with my new orange hat, I had the black and grey plaid coat I took from the apartment and a few layers of clothing.

At first, I had felt bad for taking items from other people. So between a trip to the crack, I had went back to the apartment with the items I had stolen. But when I opened the door, the mother and girl had gone. The mattress had gone, too. Only the clothing I didn't take remained. There were few other light jackets in the pile that I decided not to take. Maybe the mother and girl were going to come back, though something in the back of my mind told me that they weren't coming back. Ever.

We sorted through the clothes; even taking the time to bicker over some of the items before settling with whatever else was left. Soon, the house settled down again, everybody more than warm and content. There was idle talk about nonsense and everything seemed to be good.

A few days later, Kiba and I went on a shoe and sock run. This had been harder because there seemed to be an outright lack of shoes, let alone socks. The still bodies that were sometimes found on the sidewalks were usually had their faces covered with a newspaper. Their clothing was never touched, their bodies never mutilated outside of bugs and weather, but they always seemed to be without shoes.

It took me a long time to understand that these bodies were actual dead people, not someone who had thought that that particular spot on the sidewalk or street was comfortable and decided to take a nap. One particular time, the person must have just died. One could tell because he still had his shoes. But, I swear, I looked away for not even a heartbeat and suddenly, his shoes were gone without a trace. People kept walking and moving as they had been doing before, only there was one person somewhere in the crowd that wore a "new" pair of shoes.

Thus, the shoe run had been very difficult.

We had managed to find enough pairs of socks after a considerably large amount of time for everyone to wear two pairs on their feet, but of shoes, we only found some women's fancy tall shoes and what would be a pair of loafers if one wasn't brown as the other was black, so they were mismatched, and if the black one hadn't been two sizes bigger than the brown one, but we took them anyway. Something was better than nothing.

Later that day, I went out by myself to go hunt for a particular treat: pickled eggs.

I knew that it would beyond impossible to find pickled eggs while in the enclosure, but I felt that if I didn't go look for them every now and again, that the one time I would decide not to go search for them that someone else would find them before I did, and I couldn't handle that. Pickled eggs were my absolute favourite food of all time; they were so great and wonderful to me that I wouldn't mind being in the enclosure if the Jackboots would just supply me with pickled eggs and a way to properly bathe myself. I would be fine.

As a jogged through the market of the enclosure for my treat, I couldn't help but feel that someone was watching me. I would stop to look about me, but there were never any signs of someone paying outright attention to me. I went up a few blocks, but the feeling never went away. It was as if the presence was following me, as if the presence was air itself, always around me and everywhere I went. I hated feeling paranoid and looking over my shoulder every few seconds. I had to lose whoever it was who was following me.

Suddenly, I was sprinting.

I bounced off the few people wandering the streets, jumped over dead bodies and cracks in the sidewalk and road. I could feel that whoever was following me was running, too, so I made and sharp left turn, which took me into the hedges that lined the high walls and gates. I dove head first under the low bars, barely making it through. I was on the outside.

"No way…"

Two pairs of hands were clutching the iron bars so hard their knuckles had turned white. As I stood up, two faces pushed themselves against the bars and stared at me in disbelief. They were girl faces.

"How did you do that? HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" the face with the green eyes shrieked.

I looked hurriedly looked about me to see if people were staring. She was horribly loud.

"Please," I begged. "Keep your voices down." The girl opened her mouth wider and I quickly covered her mouth with my hand. "For the love of God, please."

The other face belonged to a girl with deep brown eyes and brown hair. She grabbed on to the green-eyed girl and seemed to be pleading with eyes to the girl to be quieter. The green-eyed girl sighed. But then a determined look came over her face.

"We want to join your group."

And her face told me that she wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.


	16. Summer Skies

Letting the girls join the group hadn't been a bad decision.

It had been two weeks since the girls had chased me down, and our group flourished in little ways that I believe it couldn't have done before. The brunette girl with the deep hazel eyes, Tenten, proved useful immediately; she was able to pick the locks of the various locked doors around the enclosure. Some of the locked rooms in the building that I had taken my coat from weren't being used by anyone anymore. We obtained things like oil lamps, basic medical care items such as ointments and gauze, bottles of wines, a few pairs of shoes, some books, among other things some of the boys had found interesting.

Sakura, whose hair shone pink in the light and possessed brave, emerald eyes, had expert skills, it seemed, in talking people out of their possessions, making bargains, and getting people to trust her right away. I was wary of her at first when I had learned this about her, but she turned out to be loyal to the group instantly.

We had become close friends with the girls in such a short amount of time; it was as if they were a part of us before the Jackboots came.

"Think fast!"

"Huh?" I turned around see what was going on just to get a horribly cold, hard mass slammed into my face. My nose and cheek stung.

"Woo-hoo! I got you good!" Tenten snickered playfully and gathered up another snowball into her pale hands. I wiped the snow from off my face, suddenly feeling competitive. I scooped up some snow off the lawn and pressed into a firm, hard ball. "Ooo, NaruNaru. I think you can get me?" Tenten teased.

"Oh, you best believe it's on now!" I yelled as I started after her, throwing the snowball square in her back. She doubled-over in laughter.

We had been playing in the snow all afternoon, having had slept the morning away peacefully. Sakura had very good aim with her snowballs. And she knew how to make them sting like a bitch. I swear, I had bruises all over my arms and back from getting hit with her deadly snowballs. Shikamaru had been in the snowball fight earlier for ten seconds before he bailed on us and slouched over to his usual place on the bench on the side of the house. He had lain down with his arms over his eyes and fell asleep just like that. It amazed me how much Dominik and Shikamaru continued to sleep when there was so much to do. Kiba really did bring us out of our rut.

Having snowball fights was an every day thing for us now. Sometimes, when we couldn't sleep at night, we'd go outside and have practically a snowball war in the icy streets, our only light being the dim, flickering street lamps. Every now and then, a child or two would come join us mid-fight; sometimes, even an adult would come and play with us. The Jackboots would sometimes throw snowballs at one of us as they pass by. Other times, they would sit back and watch us, laughing when one of us would slug another in the face or if we slid on an unknown patch of ice and fell. But no matter what they did concerning our snowball fights, they never got directly involved in them. I often wondered if it was against whatever rules they followed that prevented them from have snowball fights. At least one of all the Jackboots in the area had to have wanted to play in the snow.

Having shared these thoughts with Rock Lee on a grey afternoon, he said to me, "I'm not sure if they would want to have snowball fights. I'm sure they had them when they were younger," pausing to sip some melted snow, he continued. "Maybe we should go up to a one and ask if they would like to have a snowball fight."

I just looked at him incredulously. I was hoping he was just being silly, however, his face told me that he was very serious about this proposal.

"Maybe they are just waiting for someone to ask."

"Lee, you're impossible," I said to him, shaking my head. "The Jackboots aren't waiting for some child to ask them to a snowball fight. That's just stupid."

"It's possible…"

"No, it's not possible. It's ridiculous." I chuckled and also took a sip of some melted snow. Rock Lee shrugged and continued with his squats, having stopped when I had came to inquire to him my silly thoughts.

"Do you dream of the seasons, Shikamaru?" I asked as we sat in front of the house. He looked at me for a few seconds, then turned his gaze back to the sky.

"No."

It was very early in the morning. The sun wasn't even up yet. The moon was nowhere to be seen, not that we would have been able to see it anyway, with all the clouds blocking the sky and stars from view. It wasn't just the clouds blocking out the sky, though. The sky hadn't been blue seen the very first bombing many months ago. Shikamaru was smoking a cigarette, something he did only in the mornings. As he took a drag, the end of it lit up brightly, then dimmed as he blew out the smoke in a steady stream.

"Have you ever dreamt of the seasons?"

He was making smoke rings this time. The last one he blew out he blew towards me, with the ring going around my face. The smoke smelled of sweet wine.

"Never."

He looked over at me. I looked back at him. I didn't know what to say or if he was expecting me to say something else. He'd never dreamed of the seasons before. I had certainly never dreamed of the seasons, though sometimes, they would resemble the seasons, colour-wise anyway.

"You're eyes are really bright, Naruto."

That caught me off my guard. I could feel my face heating up already. "That's rather random of you to say…"

"They're so blue. Probably bluer than the summer skies." He looked away from me then, to look back up to the sky and sighed. "I wonder when the sky will be blue again…" I looked up at the sky then as well, watching the dark clouds roll by at their leisurely pace. When would the sky be blue again?

It had only been maybe half an hour since my conversation with Shikamaru. Everything happened so fast. Too fast. One moment, Shikamaru and I were looking up at the sky, enjoying what the moment had to offer. The next moment, I'm being thrown into the snow face first with a man standing over me yelling at me in angry German. I tried getting up to my feet just to be pushed down to the ground again. I could feel tears come to my eyes. I didn't know what was happening or what for. A large hand wrapped around the back of my neck and hoisted me into the air and started walking, taking me away from the house. I yelled and kicked, but it did nothing but make the hand squeeze my neck tighter. Lights suddenly turned on and I had to shut my eyes. They were much too bright. As the man brought me closer to the lights, my ears picked up on the rustling and murmuring of other people. They sounded just as confused and frightened as I felt. Among the noise, I was trying to pick up on Shikamaru's voice, but I did so in vain.

I was dropped on the ground. People were all around me, pushing and talking much too loud. I wanted to open my eyes so I could see where I was, but the lights were in my face. I was abruptly pulled up to my feet, and I was held in my spot among the people by hands on either side of me. I tried prying them off me, but after a moment of that, the very hands keeping me there slapped me, and I stopped struggling against the hands. The tears I tried to keep back started to fall. Why was this happening? Would I ever see the others again? Was I going to die?

The angry German yelling kept going; the bright lights never turned off; the people around me never stopped their murmurs, but they did stop moving. Maybe they had hands keeping them to their spot as well. My pair of hands never let go of me, never loosened its tight grip on my sides. At first, it had hurt where the hands were grabbing me, but after a while, it went slightly numb. I don't know how long the yelling went on for. I don't know how long we all were made to stand there in the cold. Even when I had to go to the bathroom, I wasn't allowed to leave. I ended up wetting myself.

I never opened my eyes to see what was going on. Even when the lights dimmed, I didn't open them. Somewhere inside myself, I believed that if kept my eyes closed, then whatever that was happening wouldn't be real. On the back of my eyelids, the sky was bluer than my eyes; not a cloud was to be seen. The trees were greener than green and all fruits and vegetables were rich with flavour and satisfying. Everyone was happy and smiling and waving to me as I walked by. They greeted me a good day and complimented me on how my eyes were just like the sky, blue and full of hope of a great summer.

The hands did finally let me go, the yelling stopped, the shuffling of the people walking away grew faint and finally disappeared and I opened my eyes to find that the sky was more grey than it had been yesterday. The sun had finally come up and had been up for sometime. The snow around my feet had been stained yellow. Shikamaru was nowhere to be seen. My legs were numb, and I fell into the snow, face first, just like before. My sides were sore from where the hands had been. I found my voice to be weak and hoarse but I forced a scream to come forth.

I screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

And even when the others finally came for me and helped me back to the house, I screamed.

Maybe I thought that if I screamed enough, and wore my voice and throat down and out, that the grey skies would be scared and run away, to bring to us the blue summer skies we so desperately needed.

"Those are some nasty bruises, man," Kiba said to me as we all stared at my sides in the cracked mirror Chouji and Rock Lee brought out from one of the closets. The deep purple and blue marks took the shape of large hands. Shikamaru, who had come back some time after the boys had brought me back to the house, had similar looking bruises on his arms and a deep gash on his forehead. Only Shikamaru and I had to go through that experience. The rest of them had hid in the attic when the Jackboots stormed into the house. I still hadn't had an understanding on what had passed yesterday morning.

"We were out past curfew," Shikamaru said when Shino asked what had happened. "Or, at least, that's what the Jackboot told me when I asked him what the hell was going on."

"But," Rock Lee interjected. "We have been outside at odd times of the morning and this had never happened before."

"And since when was there ever a curfew here?" Kiba asked, skeptical of the Jackboot's response to the situation.

"I'm not sure," Shikamaru replied. "Naruto and I were forced to stand in the snow and cold for nearly seven hours."

"Just standing there?" Chouji questioned, scooting himself closer to the boy. Shikamaru answered him with a nod. The girls had been quiet the entire time, both of them in tears over what had passed.

"Well," Shino started, standing up and facing us all. "We now know to not be outside when the sun goes down. I don't want this to happen to any of us again, not if I can help it."

'As the days go by, as days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, I await the day, the time, that I will finally dream of the seasons, the times of the year where the greatest changes of the Earth occur. This snow on the ground will melt back into the ground soon and the green of the grass and the blue of the sky will be here with us again.'


	17. Feelings

Ever since that sufferable night, we holed up in the attic before the sun set. On some nights, many nights, the darkness filled to the brim with tortured bellows and sickly wails; they resonated throughout the entire enclosure. Harsh voices clashed with the screams, and the night felt as though someone was beating and manhandling the very fabric of my soul, contorting it to be at all sorts of rough angles and stretching beyond what I could handle.

We often cried on nights like those.

The city was becoming depressed. Snow fell nearly every day at a constant rate, which kept the skies a miserable and despondent grey. Everything in the enclosure, and outside of the enclosure, seemed to become duller in colour. Life seemed to just fading away slowly.

Ever since that night, people that had been herded into the enclosure had been getting treated more harshly than before. What had changed between the Jews and the Jackboots? What had led the Jackboots to go against the Jews in the first place?

"What's wrong with the Jackboots, Shino?" My voice came out as a hushed whisper. Shino and I were skirting along the hedges of the brick wall that lead to either side the main gate. Workers had just finished building the east side of the wall, and Shino and I were looking for weak spots. Not all of us could pass through the bars or drainage gaps in the walls and gates of the enclosure.

"That depends on what you mean."

"What's with them attacking the Jews all of a sudden? The worst thing they had done before now was relocating them. And smash their stores…"

Shino stopped abruptly, and I almost ran into him. Pressing his back against the wall, he leaned his head back and peered at me through the side of his tinted glasses. Snowflakes started gliding down from the sky, and they seemed to caress Shino's face as they fell past him. I'd always imagined that Shino's eyes would be an extremely dark colour, so it surprised me to see, of what I could see of his eyes, that he had very light-coloured brown eyes. They would be striking against his pale skin, if he were to take of his glasses more often; Shino never took off his glasses however.

He continued to merely peer at me, and the snow had begun to come down at a faster rate. What was he thinking about? Did he know anything about the Jackboots? He and Shikamaru always seemed to know what was going on, and the rest of us were clueless. I, especially, never knew what was going on.

"Naruto," Shino breathed. His face turned to face me more head-on, obscuring what little of his eye had been visible before. "It's comforting to know that there is still innocence left in this world." Suddenly, a light, caring touch was upon my forehead; Shino's body had been nearly touching my own.

His lips were cracked and rough against my skin, but the meaning, the feeling behind the peck made them feel very soft. Somehow, I had known that there was nothing beyond this peck, but I still couldn't keep myself from tilting my face up and leaning in. Shino laughed, and stepped back from me; even though I couldn't see his mouth, a smile dressed his features, and it sent a warm, reassuring feeling throughout my body. It was wonderful to see him in such a mood.

"Your time will come eventually," he spoke as he tapped his lips with one finger. As he turned, an odd feeling flashed through me, and instinctively, I reached for his hand, but I'd just barely touched it. There was this new feeling growing inside me that I didn't understand. It felt as though someone was tugging at my chest.

It felt lonely.

I stood in my spot looking after Shino. He continued to walk along the wall, pushing his weight onto what looked like a weak spot. What were these feelings all of a sudden? What did Shino do to me? My feelings were not after Shino, not at all; rather, bottled emotion that I hadn't even known I had had felt released in ways I couldn't explain. I felt… like I had a drive again; I hadn't known I'd lost it. It was a small push, but the drive was there nonetheless.

It was as if Shino had known what he did; he turned around, that smile still gracing his features, and beckoned me to follow.

"How is it that we still have cigarettes to smoke, but no food to eat? How backwards is that?" came Rock Lee's voice from the food closet. A bit of food had been in there, but we had a schedule as to when to eat so we wouldn't run out too soon.

I shrugged my shoulders though he couldn't see. I didn't smoke, so it didn't really matter to me. Rock Lee didn't smoke either. "I suppose it is backwards. Why are you looking for cigarettes, Lee?"

He came from the closet with two cigarettes. "We have more cigarettes than food in there. Such a shame." He held the cigarettes in one hand very gingerly, as if they would snap and crumble in his fingers if he were to hold him with more force. "They're for Gaara and Shino."

Except for Rock Lee and me, all the boys smoked, but not one of us smoked as much as Gaara and Shino. They were the reason we had more cigarettes than food items. Even when food was abundant, there had been more cigarettes than food. They had it really bad. It was so bad, that they had cigarette stashes not only in the house, but around the outside of the house, outside of the enclosure, and probably all around the inside of the enclosure as well. Shikamaru ranked third in who smoked the most, and he'd always tell me whenever he smoked around me in his lazy drawl:

"Don't smoke, Naruto. It's a really nasty habit to pick up." Then he would strike a match and light the end of the white stick, sending smoke upwards to the already grey skies.

During one of the rare times I was alone with Gaara, he told me that everyone has a reason to smoke.

"Why do you smoke, then?" I had asked him. The end of the cigarette had burned a bright red, almost like a cherry, as he took a long drag from the other side. He just looked at me at first, face empty of expression or emotion, and then his pale green eyes seemed to fix on something to the side of me.

"It's been a long time now; I couldn't answer your question truthfully if I wanted to."

"Why do you keep smoking?"

"Are you trying to ask me what my drive is?" Gaara had fixed his eyes back on mine, and his mouth had contorted into something resembling a small smile. I had shrugged. "I suppose it's a habit now. I'd feel off if I didn't smoke." While is face didn't change, his eyes seemed to focus even more on my face as he said, "And you wouldn't like me if I didn't smoke."

That had made me wonder if I would like Shino if he didn't smoke. I didn't know his reason for smoking; neither did I know Shikamaru's reason. I didn't know anyone's reason. Rock Lee had walked away a little while ago to go give the boys their cigarettes, so when he had come back, I asked him, "Why don't you smoke?"

I suppose I had caught him off guard; he stammered and laughed nervously before answering the question. "It really is a nasty habit to have, Naruto." He stuck one of his fingers into his cheek and pulled it back, revealing his teeth. "It can make your teeth turn a sickly yellow and sometimes black, and make them fall out. You can also stop breathing, and die." I felt my eyes grow to the size of saucers.

"Why would they keep smoking, then? That doesn't make any sense to me!"

Rock Lee came to sit next to me. He was a lot taller than I.

He leaned into my ear, "Don't tell anyone this information, alright?" I nodded, my ear briefly brushing against Lee's lips. They were rough. "It makes seem as though the world isn't as bad a place than it really is. It relaxes them, smoking." His tone of voice changed with the next thing he said.

"It's a slow and deliberate process, but it's also a way to just end it all. I guess it works eventually."

End it all? End what?

He spoke before I could ask my question, "Hey, Naruto. Would you like to run an errand for me?"

Once again, I was at the gates of the enclosure. As a slipped through the drainage holes that ran underneath the brick walls, Rock Lee handed me a piece of paper.

"Now, you remember how I told you to get there?" I nodded. "And what to get?" Again I nodded.

"Why can't you come with me?"

Rock Lee smiled his great, optimistic smile. He patted himself all over. "I'm too big to fit through these bars and holes."

He wasn't a big guy at all. He was a thin boy, it was just that he was very built, leanly built, despite the dwindling food supply; he still managed to keep in some kind of shape. But it was starting to become evident that the lack of proper food was taking a toll on his body. His muscles weren't as defined as they had been before, and he was looking more like a sickly thin than healthy thin. It wouldn't be very long until he would be able to slip through the bars, too.

"Ah, another one."

I bent down to move some of the rubble out of the way and plucked out a small, round, dusty black object and put it into a sack. I was searching for coal as a part as Rock Lee's errand.

It was cold out today and snow covered everything, so it was a very tedious task trying to uncover coal amongst the ruins and rubble of destroyed buildings. But I was willing to do this again and again.

"It's for the orphans." Rock Lee had told me.

"What are orphans?"

Rock Lee's face had softened a little. "Orphans are like you and me and the rest of the boys. Children without parents to take care of them."

I thought for a moment. "But, you guys are kind of like parents to me. You all teach me a lot of things that I didn't know before. I can't be that much of an orphan, right?" And he just laughed a light laugh, but I didn't understand.

"It's not the same as having your real parents take care of you and love you. We could never provide that."

"Well, I couldn't know the difference. You guys are all I have." Rock Lee's smile had disappeared and he stepped closer to me and hugged me slightly.

"We're all we have, Naruto."

The sack was finally getting full after what seemed to be forever. The daylight hadn't changed much. It was very hard for sunlight to break through the thickness of the clouds. Sometimes it felt as though the sun didn't have the courage to break through the clouds and shine on the enclosure, even if it were to be for a little while, just a few moments, before it would hide behind the clouds again. I felt that if the sun could just shine that everything would be better. Nothing could as it were before, but if the sun could just shine, things would be better.

The doctor Rock Lee had told me about seemed to live in the poorer part of the city. More buildings had been bombed here than in other parts of the city besides main downtown. He lived in a one-story flat with a green door and bronze doorknocker in the middle. At first I thought that it would near impossible to know which house was the doctor's exactly, even with general directions, but with the other houses and buildings bombed out, it hadn't been as hard as I was expecting it to be.

"Doctor Umino?" I called as a rapped on the door. I called the doctor's name again. I had in hand three or four loaves of bread, the sack of coal, and a single tart. Lee had asked me to find whatever food I could for the orphans. It had taken me longer to find the food than it did for me to collect all the coal. The city had become scarce with food and people. Every now and again, a Jackboot would walk about, but even they weren't anywhere to be seen most of the time. It seemed that they were always at the enclosure tormenting the Jews.

I was about to knock on the door again when the door cracked open little.

"Who's there?" a kind voice called. I could hear the fear in his voice. I pushed the paper through the crack and waited. I had looked at the paper many times as I searched for the coal and food, but I couldn't make sense of what was written on it. I could only recognize individual letters that, if I were to pick them out, I could spell my name. It was all I had been taught up until that point.

The door opened wider and a tall (well, everyone was taller than me) man appeared in the doorway. He had tanned skin that wasn't from the sun, but he had naturally, with a peculiar scar running across he face, over the bridge of his nose. He seemed tired but alert and very caring.

"My, what have you been doing, lad?" He looked me over, a slight smile forming upon his lips.

"I've gotten things for the children, the orphans, on behalf of Rock Lee." I motioned to the sack and the loaves of bread. "These things are for them."

The man's face completely lit up. "Really? For us?" I nodded and relief seemed to wash over the man entirely. "But what I was really referring to was yourself, lad. Have you seen yourself?"

I had not.

He invited me into the house, locking the various locks door had to offer. "Shizune!" Doctor Umino called. "Would you help this dear boy to the bathtub?"

A dark haired women came from the back, smiling a welcoming smile as she took my hand and lead me to the back from where she had came. As we walked, I looked around, trying to get a glimpse of the orphans, but I didn't not one before we reached the bathroom. Shizune turned the tap and I was amazed to see that they had running water. We didn't have any kind of utilities in the enclosure. Instead, we used melted snow for our source of bathing and drinking water.

As the tub started to fill up, I caught my reflection in the mirror.

"Whoa!"

I was covered, from head to toe, in thick black dust. Even my hair, being such a bright blond, seemed to be dyed black. The only thing I could see clearly were the whites and blues of my eyes. I stripped off my clothing and stepped into the bathwater, which I immediately turned black. Shizune started to scrub me with a brush and lather me up with small things of soap. It felt like Chlodna Pani was giving me a bath all over again, only Shizune wasn't as cold.

As I walked to the front door in cleaner clothing and warmer shoes, I passed by a long table full of children of various ages and colours. They were eating on the bread I had brought for them, and Doctor Umino started a small fire in the ovens to keep the house warm. The doctor stood up as I walked past and with a cue from him, the orphans yelled, "Thank you, Naruto!"

I didn't know what to do; I had been taken by surprise. I looked to Doctor Umino, who only tilted his head to one side and said to me, "We really appreciate what you have done here today."

I left the house feeling a new sense of importance about myself. But as I walked back to the enclosure, feelings that I had pushed aside temporarily started to come back up. The feelings Shino had invoked in me hadn't really gone away and it had been hard to put them aside, but I had ample time to think to myself in the unnatural stillness of the city, and they demanded to be confronted. Loneliness and longing weren't new feelings to me, but these feelings came to me now in a completely different form.

I didn't have anyone in the house to go to, that was there just for me. The other boys had someone to go to that they could have to themselves. Shino and Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji, even Gaara, who preferred to be alone, had Rock Lee to go to whenever he felt like it. I didn't have the person. I would always be intruding on Shikamaru or Shino or Lee and no one ever intruded on me because I didn't have anyone else to make that happen. I longed to have someone that I could be close to and be with, and I didn't understand why these feelings were coming out now. I had never had this problem when I had been by myself, living in my orange cellar. I wasn't noticed, and I didn't want to be noticed, yet, it was either Shikamaru or Shino that had noticed me anyway and dragged me into their world.

Sometimes I feel as though I wouldn't be living the way we do if I had never met them. Sometimes, for brief moments, I get mad at them for dragging me away from river and making me help them gather food. I would have been fine by myself, and I'm sure they would have worked things out in time for Winter. If it hadn't been for them, maybe I wouldn't have these feelings.

But, would I have had met Sasuke if I hadn't met the boys first? I didn't meet Sasuke through the boys, but I do feel that they had some kind of part in all of this, even if it had been minor.

Sasuke. I thought about him constantly. It had been a while since I last saw him, and I wondered how he was doing. I hoped that he wasn't hurt, and that he was happy, even if he didn't look happy on the outside. I wondered if he wondered about me. I wondered if I had even made a lasting impression on him beyond 'that weird, stupid Polish kid my mother keeps tending to for some reason.'

I knew, right then, as I reached a drainage hole that led back into the enclosure that I had to go see Sasuke. These feelings couldn't be here for nothing, and I didn't know what else I could do. How could I feel so strongly about a person I had barely talked to, that I hardly knew?

I didn't understand any of it, but I knew one thing.

I must go see Sasuke.


	18. Broken

The snow was finally melting, and the grass and the trees were slowly turning green. We had fought through the harsh Winter and made it to Spring.

It was midday. The weather was nice, not too cold, but not too hot, and the grass had been dry enough to lie in. The skies were still grey, but not as deep or dark, and we all had hope that the sky would be turning blue soon.

My campaign to go see Sasuke had been crushed before it had began. He had left for Germany the day before I went to the orphanage, and only servants and housekeepers had occupied the house. They told me, in broken Polish, that it was only a short visit and that he would be back within a month's time. That reminded me.

"Shikamaru, how long is a month?"

"A month?" he drawled, twisting his foot back and forth to some imaginary tune. "Thirty to thirty-one days, depending on what month it is." He puffed on his cigarette. "Why?"

I kicked at the ground a little. "I was told that Sasuke wouldn't be back for a month." I could hear in my voice a tone of sadness. I looked over at him. "How long is a day?"

"Twenty-four hours." He puffed on his cigarette again, and blew a steady stream of silver smoke from his nostrils. "Pretty much from when the sun rises to when the sun sets, plus the time from which you are sleep until you are awake again, is a day."

I groaned. I would have to go to sleep and wake up thirty times before Sasuke came back? How big was 'thirty' anyway?

It was as if Shikamaru sense my continuous questions, and he rolled over to his stomach, putting out his cigarette in a little patch of still-melting snow. As he stood up, I could see that he had a clever-looking smirk on his face, as if he knew something I didn't or he had a plan for something. Probably both. He put his smoking hand on my shoulder. "I'm going to help you through this."

In the attic, there was enough wall space for Shikamaru to explain his plan to me. Drawn on the white walls with a piece of charcoal were thirty-one lines (he had counted aloud as he had drawn them).

"Each line represents a day, Naruto," he said as he finished touching up the last line. They were evenly spaced and very neat. I couldn't have done such a job if I had wanted to. "I spaced them out enough so that you can mark off the lines as the days go by. Don't forget to mark off a line before you lay down, or else you'll lose track of what day it is and won't be able to anticipate Sasuke's return, all right?" I nodded vigorously. "Besides the previous days, you'll also be marking off a line today, so when the sun sets this evening and we all come up here, cross out one mark, to signify that one day has passed."

"But doesn't the day end when I wake up in the morning?" That was what he had said outside, right?

"No, that's when a new day begins. The day ends when you go to sleep, but you can't cross off a line if you are sleeping, now can you?"

"Oh. That's true…"

Shikamaru handed me the piece of coal. "Now, how long has it been since you went to see Sasuke?" Essentially, he was asking me how many times had I went to sleep and woke up again before today. Counting was something I wasn't good at. I could barely count to ten, let alone thirty. I went to an empty spot a good measure away from the other tick marks and recounted the last couple of days through my head. Every time I remembered going to sleep, I made a tick mark. Eventually, I made it to last night, and I could only stare at the tick marks. I knew for sure there were more than two tick marks…

Shikamaru kneeled beside me and counted the marks out loud for me to hear. "Eight days," he said when he reached the last mark. "It hasn't been too long. You have three weeks left."

"Weeks?"

"Yes." Shikamaru yawned. He often yawned. "Seven days make up a week. Four weeks make up a month, more or less. If you add up the number of days in four weeks, you'll only have twenty-eight days, not thirty or thirty-one. So really, a month is four weeks and two or three days."

The concept of days was pretty straightforward for me, for the most part anyway. But days turning into weeks and weeks into months were something I couldn't grasp. And apparently, months could turn into years. Years? I barely knew what a day was, let alone a whole year.

He must have sensed how confused I was because he said, "Look, don't worry about all of that nonsense for now. Just know that you can cross out eight of these marks and that you have twenty-three days left." He took the coal from out of my hand and again counted out loud as he crossed off eight of the tick marks. Twenty-three days until Sasuke's return.

We had been all happy that Spring had finally come… for about five minutes. We'd forgotten that Spring meant life, and life meant bugs. Hoards of bugs. Bugs like lice: the bane of every child living on the streets.

We didn't know when they would come or how they came or where they even came from, but we were dreading it. We all were watching Kiba; just waiting for him to start itching and scratching. It wasn't an outspoken thing, not something we huddled together about and planned and agreed upon. It was something that merely happened. He didn't have the most hair, not by far, but he was most susceptible. Since the herding, we hadn't been able to keep our hair short. A long while back, Kiba had tried to cut his hair shorter with a shard of glass he had found by the wall, but ended up with only a deeply slashed palm and an uneven patch in his head.

By far, the one with the most hair had been Shino. The small, manageable afro of hair he had before had grown out to huge and blown-out proportions. Sometimes, when Tenten and I were bored, we would make a game out of trying to hide small items like pieces of a stick or pebbles or a piece of sausage in Shino's afro, but he was always so aware and caught us before we were within a meter of him no matter how we approached him. This just created a greater challenge for the two of us, however. After being caught so many times, Tenten suggested to me that we try to do it while he was sleeping. We hadn't tried it yet, but I got excited every time I saw Shino's hair.

The particular reason why we weren't watching Shino's nest of hair for lice is because Shino wouldn't tell us if there was anything living in his hair or anywhere else on his body. Not once did he ever flinch when bugs were on him; it was as if the little critters weren't even there. He once conducted an entire conversation with one of the nicer seeming Jackboots with a cockroach hidden in the collar of his jacket. It later crawled out up his neck and on to his face, where it sat on the bridge of his nose for the rest of the exchange. The Jackboot had given him some kind of paper, which had made Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, and the lesser-known boy Jan have to give up various kinds of rewards of sorts. I hadn't understood what had gone on then, but I later learned that they had lost a 'bet'. I wasn't sure what the bet had been about, however.

I hadn't witnessed it for myself yet, but I'd been told by Kiba on one of his better moody days that Shino will go into a deep depressive state, from what I understand is where he would be sad for a very long time, if someone, even himself, were to harm or kill a bug, especially if it had been on or near him. Winter had been easy to get through because there weren't any bugs around, save for a few spiders found in the house every now and again, but I felt a little apprehensive about moving into Spring. Bugs didn't bother me in general, but I don't think I could stand having them on me like Shino did.

For as long as I could remember, my hair had always been unkempt and matted together. It was naturally wavy and spikey, and it was the type hair to dread instantly if it wasn't taken care of correctly. Needless to say, I had patches of hair that were just clumped unattractively together, especially at the ends and at the nape of the neck. Whenever I could visit the Uchiha household, Chlodna Pani would vigorously wash my hair the best she could without yanking all of my hair, and then cut away the clumped hair and style my hair to something worth presenting to other people. After a short while of being away made my hair revert to how it was before, unfortunately. Sometimes she would cut Sasuke's and my hair together. I would usually go first because Sasuke hated for his mother to cut his hair.

"He's been like this all his life, you know," she had said to me one particular time, with the help of one of the housemaids, for Sasuke had refused to repeat what she had said. "He's so stubborn." I hadn't understood what she had meant by 'stubborn'. That had been a new word for me.

"Does Akamaru have fleas yet?" Rock Lee inquired of Kiba, his voice breaking my train of thought. We were sitting behind the house and Akamaru was relieving himself near the wall that surrounded the enclosure. There weren't any drains in this part of the wall to crawl through.

"When doesn't he have fleas?" Kiba replied. He was lying in the grass twirling an unlit cigarette in his fingers. "It'll probably be worse than before now that I can't get to the river."

Kiba, while not the cleanest guy ever, had always taken care of Akamaru a lot better than he had taken care of himself. It seems that he didn't care about his own hygiene, but made sure that Akamaru was healthy and happy, which made Kiba happy and, I suppose, healthy in the mind.

"Hey," the tone of warning coloured Kiba's voice. Akamaru had trotted to the side of the house, trying to go to the front. It was all Kiba had to say for Akamaru to return to the back. The small dog climbed on top of Kiba's chest and laid there, his nose brushing up against Kiba's chin. He wasn't allowed to go to the front yard or go with Kiba when he left the house. Food was scarce and any pets that had been brought into the enclosure had been soon stolen and cooked, or eventually eaten by its owner. None of us wanted Akamaru to suffer the same fate, so we all worked together to make sure that Akamaru was constantly safe and out of sight.

"I hope the fleas don't attack him too bad. He's too nice of a dog to have fleas." Rock Lee said as he went over to Kiba and petted Akamaru. I leaned back against the wall and looked up at the sky. Small, small spots of blue had started to poke through the grey of the sky. They seemed insignificant and meaningless, but at that moment, it was the grandest thing to have happened. An emotion that I couldn't explain then (I'd call it hope now) welled up inside of me, and the moment felt strange and perfect at the same time. Something told me to look at the door then, and I did and I stared at it for what seemed like forever, but I couldn't look away from the door. It opened just when I started thinking that I was just being silly and Gaara came walking through. What had been so marvelous about this moment that my body needed me to stare at the door? Gaara hadn't been any different; his hair still framed his face, short and spiky in the front and past his shoulders in the back; his face was the same as it always was, stoic and mature, and his still smelled heavily of smoke. His face turned to me, and then to Kiba and Rock Lee.

"Himmler's coming. I thought you'd like to know."

Parades of people were in the streets. I hadn't known so many people lived in the enclosure. People were packed in the streets and spilling over to the sidewalks, pushing and shoving, trying to get a peek at Himmler. Kiba came from inside the house; he must have just put Akamaru in the attic. "What's the fuss about? Who's Himmler?"

We all looked to Shikamaru and Shino, whom we believed knew nearly everything. They looked back at us and shrugged. It appeared to me that Shikamaru knew something. It wasn't very obvious, and I wouldn't have ever second-guessed him if he hadn't looked at me for so long. In reality, it had only been a second, but that second over extended his gaze. His expression held nothing, but that second held meaning. It had been significant.

All of us except for Gaara went to go see Himmler. "Tell him to come see me so he can kiss my pale, Jewish ass," he had said, putting out his cigarette in the concrete porch.

We walked in a loose group. That was unusual for us. Groups were always bad things, but we couldn't help it. We felt threatened. The krawężnik were all over the place. They were essentially a police force that 'kept the Jews in line', but the messed up part was that they were Jews themselves! Jews against Jews! The Jackboots were in charge of them, and made them do a lot of the dirty and gritty work that they didn't want to do. At first, we though they'd be harmless, not a real threat, but just because they were Jews didn't mean anything. Some of them were ruthless.

In particular, the real krawężnik we were afraid of was Amichai, a slender and tall man with short, razor-cut black hair. He didn't look like much, just a normal man you wouldn't look twice at if you passed him along the street. But he was lethal, deadly. He tormented and killed anyone his pleased, but he mainly targeted Jewish children. Many of the bodies lying about had been children that had been killed by Amichai. He particularly scared Kiba because he said that Amichai didn't have a scent. It was as though he didn't exist. Everyone, Kiba had told us, had a scent that had nothing to do with the hygiene of a person. It was their personal scent. Kiba could smell a person from a good distance away and he could smell a person before he saw them, but he couldn't smell Amichai. He would have been dead the time he ran into him if it hadn't been for Amichai's shadow creeping up on him on the ground. Thus, Kiba acted really twitchy and jumpy whenever he went out, and he never went out alone, not after that incident.

It was because of Amichai that we stopped calling the Jewish police 'krawężnik', Polish for 'curb'. We meant it as a way of calling them lower than regular police and as a way to show their significance. But it was Rock Lee that actually came up with something better. I had always suspected that something was different about Lee, but I could never guess what it could be. I just knew he had a weird way of pronouncing some of his words. He was Russian, or part Russian, and he started calling the 'krawężnik' 'músor' instead.

"They are lower than the curb. Jews who kill and harm their own people don't deserve an altar like a curb. They are lower than dirt, they are músor."

Somehow the word caught on and músor could be heard in the air every now and again.

Those like Amichai were músor. Garbage. Shit.

Those like Himmler must have been even lower than that.

Himmler had been Hitler's right hand man. Second-in-Command Jackboot. Hitler was the first, the top dog. It was Himmler's fault that we were trapped in the enclosure; he was in charge of not only the enclosure in Warsaw, but over other enclosures in other places. I hadn't known that there had been so many Jews. I hadn't known there were places so far away from Warsaw. When I thought about Sasuke being gone, I could only imagine him going to the edge of the city and waiting out his month. Where else could he go? There hadn't been anything beyond the city in my mind.

Himmler had been riding around in the back seat of this large, black car, unsmiling and chicken-looking. He didn't look like a man of power at all. He was too scrawny and bug-eyed to be Second-in-Command Jackboot. I wanted to just fight him the moment I saw him. I hadn't known what he had done before I pieced together what I had heard people yelling in the crowd, but I knew that he couldn't have been a good person, especially if he was a Jackboot. A leader of them nonetheless.

I couldn't help myself. I broke away from Shikamaru, who had had his hands on my shoulders and ran until was running along side Himmler's car.

"Himmler! Herr Himmler!" I had heard people shouting 'Herr Himmler' from out the crowd. I didn't know that 'Herr' meant, however. It didn't matter. I had to get his attention.

"Herr Himmler! Himmler! I know you hear me, you bastard!" He wouldn't look at me and it made my anger boil in my gut and spread throughout my body. "Damn it, Himmler! Look at me! Look at me!"

Slowly, that chicken face turned my way. His bug eyes were due to his eyeglasses, and they seemed to be peering into my mind. He was stern looking and hadn't said anything to me. I could hear both cheers and curses pouring from the crowd, but they seemed to be as far away as Sasuke must have been. For many moment's it was just Himmler and I, staring each other down. Why had I wanted him to look at me? I hadn't thought about this. There wasn't anything else I wanted to say to him. While I still hated him, my anger had subsided, and I was just a blond boy running with Herr Himmler's car.

"You look like a chicken, Herr Himmler," I said, and I stopped running. The car drove on and Himmler didn't look back. I waited until the car turned the corner to walk back into the crowd, which had started leaking on to the street. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I felt so angry and sad and confused. My thoughts were travelling faster than every before and I couldn't stop myself from breathing too fast. I crouched down to the ground, hugging my knees, and cried, my face buried in my arms. People maneuvered around me as they chased after Himmler; sometimes a leg or a foot would bump me, but I did not care. I wanted everything to be as it was, before the black bombs rained from the sky, before craters had became a part of the city landscape; back to the time when ladies carried bread and sweets in their arms and wore large fur coats and my orange cellar.

Where had my world gone?

Why had Himmler taken my world away? Was I even a Jew? How could he have known if I had been a Jew or not?

I couldn't hear Shino call my name over my cries, and I couldn't bear to look at them when they pulled me up to my feet and started walking me home. I held my arm to my face and cried. I didn't know when I had stopped crying or when I had fallen asleep on the padding in the attic, but I woke up at some time to Shikamaru leaning over me, wiping my face. I felt that I had dried snot and tear all over my face. I tried to hide my face and push him away, but he didn't move. He merely brushed my hands aside and continued to wipe my face.

"Shikamaru," my voice sounded horribly hoarse. His eyebrows rose as a signal of acknowledgment. "Shikamaru," I said again. I could feel my eyes well up again with fresh tears. Everything I had was gone.

"What's wrong with me?"

He didn't say anything. When he finished with my face, he dipped the rag in the small bowl of snow-water and wiped my forehead. He was so gentle and quiet. He touches were faintly familiar and so full of care. I wanted him to stop.

"You are suffering," he whispered as he moved his other hand from his side to his chest, to the place that repeatedly thumped, "from a broken heart." His hand clenched tightly. "And there's nothing I can do to fix it."


	19. Gone Before You Know It

There were eighteen more days until Sasuke's return.

It had been a few days since Himmler had come, and the mood of the enclosure seemed to be hot and sticky. It matched the weather.

Spring didn't feel like Spring should. It didn't feel refreshing and breezy like Spring should; it was mucky and gross. I had believed that Himmler brought the bad weather with him from wherever him came from. Just something else he could do to the Jews.

I was lying down, face up, near the front door. My arms were spread above my head; my legs were as far apart as I could manage. The floor had been relatively cooler than the air, but not by much. I wore nothing because being naked didn't bother me. I could walk around the city with not one piece of clothing on my body and be just fine. I didn't understand the need of clothing besides for warmth in the Winter. Clothing became restricting in the Spring and Summer, and I often didn't wear anything.

"Does it work?" I looked up to see Gaara standing over me. He appeared to be upside down to me.

"What? Lying on the floor?" I said. He nodded once. "Yeah, so far."

Gaara pulled his shirt over his head and pulled his pants off and flung them to the side where my clothes were. Naked, he lowered himself to the floor, taking care to not land too hard on his butt. It seemed that he had problems with his hips. From the corner of my eye, I saw him massaging the bend where his thigh met his hip. "Are you alright?" He glanced at me briefly, putting his cigarette out on the floor.

"I'll be fine." It didn't seem as though he would be fine. He moved around less and less, not that he had moved around a lot to begin with. He had his own little daily schedule in accordance to the position of the sun. We always knew where Gaara would be at any given moment. He had been this way even before the Jackboots came. But, as time went on, he started lingering in one spot longer than normal. The number of spots he normally would occupy throughout the day had started to dwindle. Despite what it appeared to be, I hoped that he would be fine.

I spared him one more glance before looking back up to the ceiling. The light from the sun was shining through the window. It reflected off the white walls, making the room appear brighter than it really was. It hurt my eyes to look at the ceiling for long.

"You've gotten really thin, Naruto." Cigarette smoked seemed to cradle his voice and carry it over to my nose and ears. Gaara smelled of tobacco and faintly of sickness.

To be honest, I hadn't noticed the changes in my body. For as long as I could remember, I had always been tiny and thin. I was the shortest of all the boys. Even my voice, in terms of tone, had been the smallest (or the highest, really). Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed my hands gliding over my chest. It had bumpy groves, and as I moved my hands over to my stomach, my hands seemed to fall over an edge into a ditch of sorts of skin. My ribs were plainly evident through my skin, and my collarbones protruded more so than anyone else's. It felt weird to run my hands over them.

Because I hadn't known how to respond to Gaara, a simple silence danced in the air with the Spring sunlight. I could see the clouds moving in the sky, revealing a bit of blue every now and again. A beam of sun came through one of the windows, showering Gaara and I in light and warmth. I wished the windows had been opened. Maybe then a breeze could have come through and combated with the warmth. Lying on the floor in the sunlight had started to feel mucky as well.

"Gaara," I said. My voice squeaked. He didn't turn to look at me. He continued to massage his hips, particularly his left side, while his right hand provided him with his hits of tobacco. "Are you sure that you're okay?" He turned to me then, his face plain and unfazed. Smoke blew in my face. I did not blink.

"One can always hope they'll be okay," he said. He seemed to be looking through me. "However, I'm sure that I'll be dead before the Summer ends." I hadn't expected him to say such a thing. I knew my eyes were wider than crème puffs, but I couldn't help it. How could he be so sure of such thing? He looked away then. He put out what had been his third cigarette and seemed to relax his entire body.

"You'll be fine, Naruto. And I'll be gone before you know it."

Gaara had still been here the next day, in his same early morning spot as always. Everything had not been normal, however. It hadn't been normal for what seemed such a long time. Shikamaru hadn't been in his usual spot. He hadn't been anywhere for days. The day my heart had broken, Shikamaru had begun leaving sporadically, and no one would know where he went. Usually, he never left the house outside of his solitary walks he often took in the afternoon. If he wasn't lying in the grass or by the window, he was with Chouji. And before leaving to go anywhere, he always told Chouji where he would be going. Only Chouji had the privilege of knowing Shikamaru's whereabouts.

Thus, it was alarming when Shikamaru had been nowhere to be found and Chouji didn't know where he had gone. I knew it was serious because it had been Shino who asked about Shikamaru, and I believed that Shino knew things regardless of the arrangements we had.

We didn't fret at first, though Chouji had become very restless. I wasn't worried about the lazy boy. I was sure that he was all right. My thoughts were confirmed a few days, when Shikamaru had come through the door in the afternoon. He had looked no different and didn't seem to have been harmed.

We had been sitting in the living room, passing around a half rotten onion when he had returned. The chatter had immediately died in the air, and the only thing heard after that was Chouji, who had just barely breathed Shikamaru's name. Shikamaru had closed the door with a soft click, and Chouji had been up instantly in front of the boy.

Before I could understand what had happened, Shikamaru's face had been slammed into the wall between the window and the doorframe, and loudest smack I had ever heard sounded throughout the entire house. Instinctively I shot up and rushed toward Chouji only to be roughly yanked back. Kiba had grabbed hold of the collar of my shirt, almost ripping it.

"Don't interfere," he said, he voice dangerously low. I didn't understand the situation. This could lead in to a fight. They shouldn't be fighting each other! I tried pulling away, but Kiba's hand gripped tightly around my arms.

Chouji didn't say anything to Shikamaru, who braced the wall as if it were saving his life. A bit of red fanned from behind Shikamaru's head, and the skin on his cheek had been broken. I couldn't tell if Chouji was crying, but his shoulders shook. His whole body seemed to shake as he raised his large, heavy hand, as if they were too much of a load for his wrists and arms to withstand. We all waited for another smack to sound. But it never came. Shikamaru had taken the chance and stepped forward to embrace Chouji. If he hadn't been crying before, he was then.

Through Chouji's sobs, "idiot…" could be heard over and over.

I had wanted to ask Shikamaru where he had gone, but that felt like an unthinkable action. I wasn't sure if asking about count as interference, but I decided to not ask at all. Maybe by not interfering, things would become less tense and go back to a sense of normalcy.

A full week passed, and I had begun to think that things were going to be normal again. There were ten more days until Sasuke's return, and I couldn't wait to mark the last day off the wall. But that day, I wasn't the only one waiting for someone to return.

Shikamaru had disappeared again that morning, gone before anyone had awoken. I worried for him now. Not only was the curfew still in effect at such an early time in the day, but also no one knew what he was doing. More than that, no one could understand his sudden change in behavior. I think that's what scared us the most.

The day had passed quietly, though the mood of the house was very tense. The sun was on the edge of the Earth, and as I marked off another mark and laid down on the padding in the attic, the front door opened. We could all hear Shikamaru throw the locks shut I waited for the creak of the wooden stairs to sound, but they never came, and I fell asleep waiting for creaky stairs to creak.

It continued like this, where Shikamaru would be gone all day, leaving in the early morning and coming back when the sun was on the edge of the Earth. I never knew if he ever came to sleep in the attic anymore. I always fell asleep waiting for the stairs to groan under Shikamaru's weight.

And Shikamaru's behavior was taking a real toll on Chouji. Over the span of another week, Chouji had become really sick. He had already started thinning out because the lack of food on both sides of the wall, but somehow, he had been able to maintain a look of plump life in his skin and cheeks. That was gone now. All of a sudden, it seems that Chouji lost the will to retain any body mass. His clothes were fitting looser than normal and his face had begun to look sunken like the children that littered the streets, covered with newspapers, dead. Completely void of life. It was as though that when Shikamaru left, he took Chouji's life force with him, leaving behind a Chouji-like shell behind.

One particular evening, when I was marking off the last day from off the wall, Shikamaru came back radically different; before then, nothing had changed about him. His hair, once down his back, had been into a shorter fashion. It didn't even touch his shoulders anymore. It was sort of spiky, but it had this neat manner to it that I could never achieve with my hair. Out of pure curiosity, Kiba and I ran our fingers through his hair without giving it a second thought. It felt so clean. Unlike our hair, it was lice-free.

It had been the first time that he had been in the attic since he started this new behavior. Every one was silent; we didn't know how to react. Chouji was in the corner, lying down on top of a braided rug, his back facing us. The air was hot and moist, and it seemed that Shikamaru shouldn't have been able to walk so calmly through the air as he did. He should have been stuck like an insect in sap.

He didn't go over to Chouji like I thought he would. I doubted that Chouji wanted to see him anyway. Instead, Shikamaru went over to Gaara and Shino, who were together because Shino had been helping Gaara down to the floor despite his protests. He brought their heads close, his face in the middle. I guessed that he was whispering something to them. Why couldn't we know? I stared intently at them. The rest of the boys looked away, trying to mind their own business. I didn't have any business to mind.

As I listened, I realized that their hushed whispers were in German. I hadn't known that Gaara could also understand and speak German. Did everybody else know German except for me? It frustrated me beyond understanding. Got up immediately and stormed out of the room, down the creaky stairs. I found myself outside before I knew it, a few meters from the front door. The air was hot. Just everything was hot. I kicked the ground and pulled the grass. I wanted to scream my irritation out of me but I knew I couldn't. I wasn't supposed to be outside. It was past curfew. But, I found myself not caring and I wore myself out fighting the ground in silence. I sat in the grass, huffing, trying to catch my breath when I saw a shadow move on in the corner of my eye. I jumped up and darted for the door. My hand was on the handle, ready to turn it. I was almost there, but a hand yanked at my collar and I fell backward. My head almost hit the concrete stairs.

I'm dead! I'm dead! They're going to shoot me and leave me to bleed all over the ground in front of the house.

What I heard next shocked me. "Tell Shikamaru to hurry. We don't have time," a smooth voice said. His voice didn't sound very urgent, but rather deep and serious. I jerked myself away from the hand, not bothering to look back at the man as I ran inside. I didn't have to go get Shikamaru. He was already in the living room, walking towards me. I wanted him to look at me and tell me what was going on, but he didn't even spare me a glance as he walked by me and out the door.

Such grief washed over me. I felt as though my chest was caving in on itself. But my feelings couldn't be anything near as what Chouji must have been feeling.

Sasuke must have been back. It was four days past the day I had marked off the last tick mark. I had wanted to visit his house the day after, but Shino didn't want me going out. He kept saying that he'll let me know when I could go out, but I was getting impatient. I felt as though I would go senseless if I didn't see Sasuke soon. It was a feeling that I didn't quite understand.

Usually, I was allowed to leave sometime before the sun went down to find food on the other side, but Shino hadn't allowed me to do this, and by the third day, we didn't have any kind of food at all. Just cigarettes. Maybe he would have been sending Shikamaru in my place since he was the only other one that could fit through the bars, but Shikamaru didn't come back anymore. As the days went by, sometimes I would go look for him before the sun got to be high in the sky. But he was never anywhere to be found. He was gone like the cigarette smoke that once flowed from his mouth to the always-grey skies.

The weather had started to get unbearably hot. A whole other month had passed us by, bringing us closer to Summer, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Sneaking out to the other side would be a really bad idea. I wasn't sure why I was even considering it. Shino didn't bother me about much, so when he told me to do something, I complied. But I couldn't stand to sit around knowing that Sasuke was definitely near. I was at the door. My hand was on the handle, ready to turn it. I was ready to go. The sun wouldn't go down for quite a while, for the sun started staying longer and longer in the sky as the days went by. I would be more than safe. Maybe there would be more food now that the sun has been back for a while. Then, my disobedience wouldn't be for nothing. But…

I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't disobey Shino.

I kicked the door.

My eyes shot open. There was a scream in the distance and gunshots echoed throughout the enclosure. This wasn't anything new. These noises had become my lullaby of sorts. I wasn't bothered by these sounds. Something else must have woken me up. I sat up into the darkness. I could not see, so I had to rely on my hearing. Besides the sounds outside, everything was quiet. Shino shifted next to me, his coarse hair brushing against my arm.

My brain was wide-awake, and I couldn't fall back asleep. I went downstairs, trying to be as quiet as possible on the creaky stairs. The sun hadn't come up yet. It looked like it wouldn't be up for a long while. I felt like I hadn't slept for very long, and the sky proved that feeling. My stomach growled. It was forever hungry, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

As I went into the living room, I immediately felt that something wasn't right. Someone had been here recently. I checked the front door. It had been unlocked. Panic started to pool in my gut as I turned around to the smaller room (more like a closet) just off the front door. The door flew open and a hand shot out, muffling my scream and pulled me into the closet. I clawed at the hand, breaking skin and drawing blood, but the hand only tightened over my mouth.

"Damn it, Naruto!" A hushed voice growled at me. "Please! Calm down! Calm down!"

Shikamaru!

I let my body relax enough for him to let go of me, then a slap sounded in the small room. I clenched my hand. It stung.

My body felt hot and emotions raged in me suddenly. I had been angrier with Shikamaru than I had realized. In the dim light, I could see Shikamaru cradling his cheek. It had been the same one Chouji had slapped. I wondered if it still hurt.

"What are you doing here?" I said, suddenly aware of his presence in the house. "I thought you weren't coming back, Shikamaru! Why—"

He covered my mouth with his hand again, quieting me. "I am so, so sorry, Naruto. I promise that I will explain everything later, but right now, I need you to come with me."

He didn't move his hand from my mouth as he stepped out the closet, my feet dragging slightly on the floor. He was a lot taller than me and he was lifting me up from the ground a bit.

The air outside was warm. I felt as though I was back in the attic wrapped in the rugs and sheets. I could have fallen asleep standing up if Shikamaru hadn't been gripping my hand so tightly.

"Shikamaru—"

He yanked my arm. I almost fell over. "Don't talk."

I clamped my lips together.


	20. I Want to Protect You

"Aren't you coming, too?"

"I can't fit through the spaces in brick walls. Just slip through and wait for me there."

"Why can't you fit? What if a Jackboot comes by? What do I do?"

"I promise, Naruto, that a Jackboot won't come by. Now, please, go and wait for me."

I stared at Shikamaru. I wanted to give a hard time. Somehow, I felt that he didn't deserve my cooperation. But he seemed silently desperate and, in the end, I trusted him, no matter what he did.

We were at the brick part of the wall. I got onto my back on the ground and pulled myself through the small brick space. Shikamaru's voice seemed to crawl through the space, too.

"I'll be right there. Don't move."

I looked up at the sky. It was still dark, and all the clouds had almost disappeared. Blue skies were guaranteed. A few streetlights flickered on and off. Most of them were off or bombed. Footsteps sounded to my left and I pressed myself against the wall as if that would provide me enough cover to hide myself from whomever it was walking up the sidewalk. But, just as Shikamaru promised, not one Jackboot had come. Shikamaru's face became clearer as he came closer. He was cleaner looking, but really tired. It seemed that he received less sleep than he did before he left.

"Follow me. And stay close."

We walked across the street and into the darkness of the city. With hardly any streetlights and the moon dark in the sky, I didn't know how Shikamaru was navigating his way through the darkness. I could barely see my own hands in front of me. My movement must have woken up the lice in my hair because my head started itching. I could feel them crawling around. I knew with a bit of time I would get used to the feeling, but I still couldn't help trying to scratch them away anyway.

We walked for a long time. Shikamaru had to help me sometimes when I ran into things or lost sight of him, and a few times, we had to hide when we heard other people walking about. They were usually other Jackboots, who smelled heavily of alcohol and cigarette smoke. My feet started to ache, and as the sun had started to peek over the edge of the Earth, I was able to recognize what part of the city we were in. We had nearly walked half way across the city it seemed. We were approaching the river when we finally stopped.

"Wait here," and Shikamaru skidded down the side of the bank, leaving me at the top to watch the sunrise. It was beautiful, to say the least. It had been the first sunrise I had seen in a very long time. The city before me, though destroyed, had a strange peacefulness about it that enhanced the profound feeling of the sunrise.

Out the corner of my eye, I saw Shikamaru waving at me to come down. I wasn't as graceful as Shikamaru going down the side of the bank; I tumbled most of the way down. Shikamaru helped me up to my feet and led me upstream along the river. Many questions raced through my mind. I wanted to ask him all of them, but I felt that I should let him bring up what it was he was going to tell me. But there had been one question that I couldn't help but ask.

"Can I take a bath?"

He looked back at me, surprised. "A bath?"

I shivered. My skin was itching for a bath. I hadn't had a bath since I visited the orphanage for the first time back in the Spring. And I couldn't go bathe in the river when I went out looking for food because Jackboots usually hung about the river with their girlfriends and other Jackboot buddies. I would have gotten shot before I could think to strip my clothes off.

"I need to take a bath, Shikamaru," I said, tugging on his hand. He pulled away from me and smiled.

"I know, Naruto, but not now. We have to keep moving. We've lingered here too long now."

"When will you tell me what's going on?"

"Soon."

We continued up the river until we came to the large stone-slab steps that led up to the top of the banks of the river. Once we were at the top, I realized were we were going. I could barely hold in my excitement as we walked down the familiar street where the silent lady used to sit on the street corner, looking mean. And just ahead, I could see the bombed out barbershop.

My cellar.

I wanted to run ahead and pull up the latch, but Shikamaru wouldn't let go of my hand. He came up to the door in the ground, and moved away the rubble that had fallen on top of it. I saw where the latch had been burned shut and where it had ben cut open again. Shikamaru stepped aside, nodding his head. My happiness overflowed into the alley as I pulled the latch open. I jumped in, nearly falling down the stairs.

Everything had been as I left it. Nothing had been damaged. It was as though I had only left a few hours ago and came back again. I spun around in the open space, laughing and crying. Joy that I could never properly describe filled my tiny body. Amidst my spinning, I tripped over something and heard a gasp. I couldn't tell if it had been my own or Shikamaru's as I fell to the ground. I gulped for breath, the fall having knocked the air out of my lungs. Shikamaru leaned over me, smiling slightly. He helped me back onto my feet and walked me over to the mattress. He lit a few of the candles before sitting down beside me.

As I was still trying to catch my breath, Shikamaru spoke first. "It makes me happy to see that the cellar is the still the same and to see that smile on your face. But I didn't just open it for you, Naruto."

I looked at him then, wondering what he could possibly have meant. "Do you mean that the boys could come and we can all live in here now?"

"No, Naruto," he said, a sad smile in his voice. Shikamaru didn't look at me for a moment, and then he turned to me and stared me right in the eyes. The smile that had been in his voice hadn't been on his face. I didn't understand what Shikamaru could mean, and I felt the instinct to back away from him. Run and flee. But I could not. I had to make myself understand what he was going to tell me. "I have been going back and forth around the city helping a two families escape being prosecuted by the Jackboots."

There were even more people to be hauled into the enclosure? It was overcrowded as it was. It really didn't need any more people in it.

He continued. "I have personal and close ties to both of these families." He paused. He had looked away as he had been talking, and he looked at me yet again. The candles flickered, sending odd shadows across the wall. Shikamaru's dark eyes held little orbs of light in them, flickering as the candles did. "One of the families had been the Uchiha Family. They…"

Uchiha? I looked at Shikamaru. I could see his lips moving, but I couldn't hear Shikamaru anymore. The Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha. The Jackboots were going after Sasuke's family? But weren't they Germans? Germans weren't Jews, right? Germans were… Germans! They were powerful and controlling and mighty. Better than all other people combined! Nothing could touch a German. That was what I had believed. Speaking the language didn't get a person anywhere. Shikamaru, Shino, and Gaara had been examples of that. They were Polish, like me, and they had just happened to know the language. They didn't have the power and prestige that real Germans had. There was no way the Jackboots could have gotten Sasuke. Nor Chlodna Pani or his brother. Anyone.

I stared into Shikamaru's eyes looking for an answer. He had still been talking, and suddenly, I became angry. I failed! I was supposed to be listening so that I could understand! I wanted so badly to just understand what was going on. For once, I wanted to be on the level Shikamaru was on. I wanted to be able to protect everyone with the things I knew and could understand, like Shikamaru and Shino did. They knew nearly everything, and were able to protect all the boys on a daily basis. And here was Shikamaru, leaving us, hurting Chouji in the process, to protect two families. To protect Sasuke Uchiha. I wanted to protect Sasuke! It was supposed to be me that protected Sasuke! Me! But what could a small, stupid boy like me do?

"Naruto, calm down!" Shikamaru shook me. I hadn't known that I had been voicing my thoughts aloud, because Shikamaru had been saying things like, "It's okay if you don't understand" and "You are able to protect those you love in other ways." But I didn't believe any of it.

"I just want Sasuke to be okay!" I screamed. I was crying uncontrollably. I could feel the snot running down my face. "I…" I cried into Shikamaru's shirt. It felt so clean.

"It's okay, Naruto. Listen—"

"No! No! No, it's not okay! The Jackboots are after Sasuke! And I can't do anything to help him!" I rammed my fists into Shikamaru's stomach. I could feel his ribs, but they weren't as prominent as mine. "I'm just a stupid boy! A stupid Polish boy!"

"Naruto!" A new pair of hands grabbed me from behind. Slender, but strong hands. They turned me around shook me lightly. I couldn't see who it could have been past my tears. "Listen. Sasuke is fine. We are fine."

What?

Because of my episode, I hadn't noticed that new people had entered the cellar. Some faces vaguely familiar, and the others completely unrecognizable. They all looked very tired and worn out. But once my eyes found what I had been looking for, I couldn't look away.

Despite the tired marks on his face, he looked just as he did all those months ago. Nothing about him had changed. He was still skinny, but a healthy, lively skinny and his cheeks weren't sunken in. He was fine. He had been fine. But I hadn't been fine, I realized. While I would never voice it aloud, I had been a complete wreck on the inside, and it showed during times of extreme stress, like my episode a few moments ago, or the day my heart had been broken.

It had been Itachi gripping my arms, and he eventually let me go to sit me on the mattress. Not once did I look away from Sasuke. I felt that if I looked away, he would disappear before I could even utter a word to him. He looked back at me, and I couldn't know what he could be feeling. His face remained emotionless. He was just tired-looking.

I broke free from Itachi's light grip he had on my hand and walked over to Sasuke. I didn't care that my face was messy from crying. I put my hands on his stomach. It was muscular, the complete opposite of me. Everything that made Sasuke, and everything that made me were complete opposites. He put his pale hands on my shoulders, pushing me back a little ways. But hadn't been any rejection or malice in the gesture no matter how it looked to outside eyes or what Sasuke tried to mean by it.

"Dobe," was all he said.

It made sense suddenly.

The other family, the Hyuuga Family, had been a prominent family in Warsaw. I had heard the name several times before the Jackboots came, but I never thought I would see the people that carried the name. They were beautiful people. A trait among them seemed to be long, dark hair and pale, pale eyes. It was eerie, really. They had been talking about the arrival of Himmler in Warsaw, and how they knew they had to leave before the Jackboots (they called them a very odd name. 'Nazi' I believe it was) came for them. That reminded me of that day, when Kiba had asked Shikamaru and Shino who Himmler had been.

Shikamaru had denied it, but he had known about Himmler and his involvement in relocating the Jews. He knew what would be doing when Himmler had finally come. Why hadn't he told anyone? Did he not trust us?

Shikamaru wasn't there at the moment I wanted to talk to him. He had to scope the city, he had told me, to see if it was okay for the two families to go back home. Because of their wealth and vague Jewish ties, they were targets for the Jackboots, but able to keep them at bay. But they couldn't have done anything against a person like Himmler. So it had been better to be out of country when he had come to Warsaw.

From one of the young children of the Hyuuga family, I learned that this wasn't their whole family. The even richer, and thus more important part of the family had been able to escape to a place called America before the war started. The remaining family had been left behind to see over whatever the richer side of the family couldn't initially bring and protect it so that after the war ended, they could come back to retrieve it. I hadn't really believed that a family could really do that to its own blood, but it was apparently true, as some of the elder Hyuuga nodded in confirmation.

While it felt good to be back in the cellar, I knew I couldn't stay there. My cellar was halfway across the city from the enclosure. I couldn't bring what food remained in the city to the boys if I tried to live again in my cellar. It just wasn't possible. I had noticed during the long walk to the cellar that I became tired a lot easier than before. As I replayed the walk in my mind, I had started to recognize certain landmarks and remaining buildings that had been quite far from the cellar. If I had tried to run to those places like I used to do, I would most certainly collapse. I wasn't as strong as I used to be.

I peered over to Sasuke, who lay on the mattress with his arm over his eyes. He had fallen asleep in that position many hours ago and hadn't woken up or shifted since. I didn't take Sasuke to be the kind of person to sleep very often, so he must have been very tired from moving place to place. I was sure he just wanted to be back in his own house again, just like how I had wanted to be back in the cellar. Next to him was a older Hyuuga boy called Neji. He was sitting up against the wall, his arms crossed, his chin against his chest. His hair was loosely tied back with a piece of string; locks of hair fell in his face anyway. He was also asleep.

Shikamaru came back soon enough, and escorted the Hyuuga family away. I had waved goodbye to the Hyuuga boy Neji, but he only glared at me as he ascended the stairs. Maybe he had still been groggy from his slumber.

Chlodna Pani had left with Shikamaru and the Hyuuga family (I had tried to wake the Uchiha brothers so that they could leave, too, but Shikamaru told me that she didn't want to wake them just yet), so it was just Itachi, Sasuke and I left in the cellar. Itachi was on the other side of Sasuke lying on his stomach. His hair wasn't in its usual tress, but braided and rolled into a messy bun. It had been getting hotter with each passing day, and the cellar, while a lot cooler than outside, had been warm nonetheless. Having his hair down would have definitely made him too hot and uncomfortable.

There wasn't anything for me to do. Even though I wanted to wake them and talk to them and ask them about the past month or so, I had to let them sleep. They really needed it. I decided that I should just go to sleep. I hadn't slept well since the families had come. I had felt that I needed to be alert in case something bad happened. I needed to protect them. But my body was starting to protest and I had started falling asleep randomly. I knew that we would be safe. Shikamaru moved debris over the latch to make it appear that no one could get in, but it wasn't enough to where we wouldn't be able to get out if we needed to.

"We're safe here…" I said aloud in a whisper. Saying it aloud made my body relax and I laid down next to Sasuke, where Neji had been and fell into a deep slumber.

Cheese. Cooked meat. Some kind of creamy dish. My God, I think I smelled food. I followed the scent of the food for what felt like to me an eternity, but then, as I found myself getting closer to the source of the food, I started hearing noises.

Rattling. Voices. Shuffling of feet against the old wooden floorboards. Did someone bring food? What's going on?

I opened my eyes and sat up right, looking around for the food. And of course, there hadn't been any food in sight. I moved to stand up to my feet, my back cricking and cracking along with my fingers and neck as I moved them around and stretched. I wrapped my arms around my torso, and gently rubbing my sides, slightly tickling my ribs. The voices were real, and not a part of my dream. The smell of food, however, was not. My stomach growled, its way of fussing at me for getting it excited for food that wasn't actually coming.

Shikamaru and Itachi were sitting at my low table in the corner, talking in hushed voices. They didn't seem to notice the growling noise my stomach had been making. I moved to take a step forward, only to nearly fall over. I had forgotten that Sasuke had been next to me, and I had almost stepped on him. How peculiar. He still lay in the same position, his arm over his eyes. He hadn't shifted not once. I stared at him.

Was he dead?

I fell to my knees and put my ear to his mouth and nose. I waited what seemed to be an eternity for breath to brush against my skin, for the sound of life to travel into my ear. I was startled at the quick intake of breath and fell off the mattress. I looked up at Sasuke, who glared back at me.

"What were you doing?"

I gulped. He didn't seem at all happy, and who could blame him? I probably interrupted the best sleep he had had in a very long time. He spoke again, in rather frightened tone, before I could reply.

"Itachi?" He looked around, searching for his brother. I was able to see his entire body relax when he set his eyes on Itachi, only to slightly tense up again. "Where are we?"

He didn't remember coming here? Was something wrong? Or did he just sleep for too long to remember? That happened to me sometimes.

Itachi stood up from his spot at the table and went over to Sasuke, helping him up to his feet. "We're in Naruto's cellar, Sasuke. Calm down and stretch." He stepped back from Sasuke. "You've been asleep for nearly a day." That seemed to take Sasuke by surprise. I still hadn't gotten up off the floor when Sasuke finally looked down at me. He didn't look as tired as he did when he first came to the cellar. He looked almost refreshed. Suddenly, I wanted to pull Sasuke down to the floor with me, but I wasn't sure why or what I would do next. I just wanted him to be close to me. When I thought about it, sleeping next to Sasuke had been the best sleep I had had in a very long time.

Sasuke moved to what I thought was going to be helping to me up (though I didn't need help), but instead he sat back down on the mattress. He looked at me again, "What are you doing here?" It was a neutral sounding question.

For a moment, I didn't know how to respond. What did he mean 'what are you doing here'? It's my cellar! But maybe he was asking how I got out the enclosure or why I had come. But when I opened my mouth to answer, something completely different came out, "I needed my broken heart to be fixed."

The conversation Shikamaru and Itachi had started up again immediately stopped, and Sasuke just stared at me; I could feel Shikamaru's eyes on me, too. It was true, though I hadn't realized it before that moment.

"Is that so." It wasn't a question. He looked away from me, an expression on his face that I didn't understand the meaning to. He got up then, and walked over to the stairs.

"Are you going for a walk, Sasuke?" Itachi asked. He didn't wait for a reply. "Why don't you take Naruto with you? You both need to get some fresh air."

"Just don't go too far. It's not completely safe out there." Shikamaru said after us as we ascended the stairs to the surface.

The sun was in the middle of the sky, shining brightly on the city. The sky was partly cloudy, but large patches of blue sky filled half the sky. It made my insides swell with such happiness. The feeling was made so much better because I near the person that had preoccupied my mind for so long. I needed to talk to him as much as possible. I couldn't let this chance pass me by.

"Sasuke," I called, taking longer steps to catch up to him. I huffed, feeling weak already and I couldn't help clutching onto the back of his shirt for support. He looked back at me, a little irritation on his face. I shrunk back. "I'm sorry. I can't keep up with you at this pace."

"Then go back to the cellar. I need to take a walk," his voice held little hints of desperation.

"I'm not able to walk that fast, Sasuke," I said. I wasn't going to let him or myself ruin my chances of being close to him. I looked straight into those dark, bold eyes of his. "I'm not healthy anymore." I had wanted to say it strong, but it ended up a lot quieter and weaker than I intended. Sasuke's eyes widened, and it seemed that he actually took a look at me for the first time. I hadn't seen myself in a while, but I knew that my skin wasn't as full of life as it used to be. I looked closer to death than I felt. I could feel his eyes looking over me in detail, and I suddenly didn't want him to look at me anymore. I didn't want him to be repulsed by me. I took his hand and pulled in forward, walking at a pace I knew I could handle. "Let's just enjoy what we can of the day, okay?" I could hear the desperation in my own voice.

"Okay." I couldn't see his face; I was too focused on keeping him walking with me, but his voice told me that he was heart-broken, just like me.

We walked for a long while in silence, but it wasn't an awkward or as sad of a silence as I thought it would be. Very few people walked the streets as we went along. Some of them who had been fortunate enough to not to be a Jew might as have been one. They were just as dirty and hungry as they were in the enclosure. Perhaps their homes had been bombed or that they had been mistaken for a Jew at first, but the Jackboots realized that they made a mistake and let them go. But it didn't matter because the Jackboots had already ravaged their stuff and burned their house and businesses down.

Soon we came to a bakery that hadn't been bombed out. The windows had been smashed out, though, and I could see on what remained of the glass that it had had a yellow start painted on it. We went inside to sit for a short rest. I couldn't take walking any longer.

We sat across from one another on the wooden benches that were attached to the wall by chains, and more silence came between us, but now it was the kind that prevailed when neither person knew what to say. But I had many things that I wanted to ask Sasuke about, so I was the first to talk.

"How was Germany?"

He looked at me questioningly, but answered anyway, "It was fine." It seemed that he had wanted to keep his answers short, but couldn't help asking, "How did you know about that?"

I smiled, albeit a bit sheepishly. "I had gone to visit you the day after you guys had left. The house servants told me that you had gone to Germany for a month."

"Oh."

I thought for a moment. "How did you meet Shikamaru?" The lazy boy had never explained to me the relationship between he and Sasuke.

He sighed. "I've known him for a long time. We went to school together when he still lived in Germany."

"Wow," I said. "I never knew Shikamaru had lived in Germany!" Did that make Shikamaru German? I guess I didn't, when I really thought about it. Just because someone lived in a place didn't make a person a part of that place. Sasuke wasn't Polish just because he lived here. The same could be applied to Shikamaru.

Sasuke didn't say anything further. He just looked out the broken window. The heat from the outside invaded the space inside the bakery, making the air around us hot as well. The only thing that made the heat bearable was that the bakery provided a source of shade.

A topic of a past conversation that I had had with the boys one hot night sprang into my mind. "When's your… Um… What's it called?" Oh, I knew it. I could feel myself almost being able to say it. Sasuke just gave me a bored glance before looking out the window again. "I know it… Day? …Birth…"

Sasuke stared at me then. "Birthday?"

"Yes, yes! When is your birthday?"

"July twenty-third."

I don't know why I asked that question. That answer didn't mean anything to me beyond the fact that I knew just one more thing about Sasuke than I did before. So I my response what just to stare back at him blankly. The incredulous look he had given me was warranted.

"I'm turning eighteen soon," he said after a long moment.

"I don't know what I'm turning soon." I said. Most of the boys had memories of their birthdays. I never knew in the first place. Gaara hadn't wanted to give up his birthday. "It doesn't matter," he had said. "Given our situation, I wish I hadn't been born." Shino told me later that he and Gaara had just recently turned nineteen. Their birthdays were very close to each other.

I shrugged. "I don't know when my birthday is."

"Hmm."

It didn't occur to me that Sasuke might have not wanted to talk. He wasn't engaging me at all, and only gave me short, curt answers. But I couldn't take a hint. I thought back to Sasuke's trip to Germany. "Could you have stayed in Germany if you had wanted to?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you then?" I mean I was glad that he didn't, but I was still curious.

The look he gave me made shivers run down my spine. "I have something tying me here."

"It is worth it?"

"Why are you asking all of these questions?"

I shrugged. "I don't actually know you very well."

He sat there for a few moments. Then, a curious smirk formed and played on his lips. "Yet, you like me, right?"

I just stared at him. I had the feeling that what he had said should have fazed me in some kind of way, but I honestly didn't know what he meant. In the back of my mind, a vague memory of Benedykt played.

He didn't let my lack of understanding deter him. He got up and crossed the space between us leaned his face close to mine. "Do you want to kiss me, Naruto?" I could feel my face getting hot. I could feel his breath against my mouth. I thought he was going to do it, but he only straighten up and stepped back from me.

"Lord knows I've been wanting to kiss you," he said as he turned towards the door to leave, but he had said it so lowly and quietly that I think that he hadn't meant for me hear it.

Another day passed. I couldn't be sure how early it could have been, but I felt like I should go back to sleep. Voices kept me from falling asleep completely, however. And I noticed that Sasuke wasn't next to me anymore. Not wanting to interrupt the voices, I slowly turned over to face the rest of the room instead of sitting straight up like I had wanted to. Itachi had been lying on the other side of the mattress, apparently asleep, but Shikamaru and Sasuke were at the table this time, talking in hushed voices. I was starting to wonder if Shikamaru got any sleep at all anymore. He seemed to never sleep, but his face didn't appear as tired as I thought it would be.

There were times when I wished I spoke and understood German and other times that I'm glad that I didn't speak the harsh language; however, that very moment was one of those times where I really wished I understood the language, because Sasuke and Shikamaru hadn't said not a word in Polish. All I could do to even attempt to understand what they were talking about was to look at their facial expressions in the dim light of the candles.

Sasuke had a frown plastered on his face, but it wasn't his usual frown. He seemed to be disheartened. Something was troubling him, and it hurt me inside that I wasn't able to help. I saw a few times where his eyes would flicker to the direction of the mattress, so I made sure to keep my eyes closed. He would have definitely seen that I was awake; my eyes were a very light colour and easy to see in the candlelight. I didn't understand his language. German was a tall and thick and thorny wall that kept us from fully understanding each other. It was good that he spoke Polish, but he can always turn around and start speaking German again and the understanding between us would be lost. It made me envious of Shikamaru's ability to speak both Polish and German.

It wasn't fair.

I wanted to know more about Sasuke. Never before in my life had I wanted to learn more about a person than what I wanted with Sasuke. I don't know what it was about him. It made me wonder if I had any kind of effect on him, whether he wanted to know more about me as well. He seemed to have some kind of interest in me, but he wasn't open about it at all. Was it that he wasn't sure about what he was feeling? He didn't have to worry about that. I never knew what it was I was feeling. My emotions and feelings about Sasuke confused the living hell out of me, but I knew that I couldn't let them keep me from trying to get close to Sasuke. I wanted so badly to bring Sasuke into a room where it would just be him and I. We would we talk for hours upon hours upon hours, just like he and Shikamaru did.

I could feel my frustration boil deep inside me, slowly coming up. I was envious of Shikamaru and his past connection with Sasuke. I wanted to shake Shikamaru and scream in his face; kick him and punch him until wasn't so angry anymore. I had gotten so worked up that I started to cry. My hiccups and sniffling must have woken up Itachi. He turned over and ran his fingers under my eyes, wiping away from of my tears. Shh he would say over and over. Not once did he ask me what was wrong, and for that I was grateful. He just wiped at my face and Shh'd me gently. I could see Shikamaru and Sasuke standing over me, but I couldn't tell what expressions they wore. I hoped that Sasuke didn't think of me as a baby or that something was wrong with me. This had been the second time in such a short period of time that he had seen me cry.

I don't know when I had fallen asleep again, but when I woke up Shikamaru and Itachi were gone. I stood up and stretched. I felt ashamed for being so mad at Shikamaru and crying over it. I felt stupid. I walked over to the icebox. It no longer kept things cold. Shikamaru had to throw away the things that had been in there since the bombing happened. They had rotted.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to find. It was empty. Next to the icebox, however, was a low shelf that still had dried strips of meat and a few arms of sausage on it. I was so grateful at that moment that this kind of meat didn't spoil! I broke half an arm of sausage over the edge of the icebox and ate at it, hardly stopping to breath until it was all gone. That had been the best meal I had had in such a long time. I had wanted to eat the other half of the sausage right then and there, but I knew that I wasn't the only one that needed to eat.

For the first time, I thought about the boys back in the enclosure. I wonder what they thought of my being missing. I was sure that they were worried. I wanted to go back to them immediately, but I didn't know the way from the cellar to the enclosure. Any landmarks that I had used to even go the general direction of the enclosure had surely been bombed away. I could do nothing but wait for Shikamaru to lead me back.

I grabbed the other half the arm of sausage and walked over to Sasuke, who had fallen asleep sitting up in the cushion chair in the corner by the stairs. He seemed so at peace when he slept. His features were so relaxed and worry-free. I wanted to touch him, just touch him once. But how would he react? Not in a positive manner, I knew for sure. But…

I dared anyway.

I ran the back of my hand against his cheek, and then jumped back. I that was my one touch. No more. He was still asleep. I was okay. I turned to walk back to the mattress, but I couldn't help looking back at Sasuke. I had to touch him more.

I started at the top of his head, lightly running my fingers through such dark and smooth hair. My skin made such a contrast with his hair, though his skin made a starker contrast. He was a lot fairer than I was. I brushed some of his midnight locks out of his face, combing them back with my hand, and I just stared at his face. His eyes moved beneath his eyelids in a rapid manner; he had been dreaming. I wondered what he dreamed about as I slowly glided my other hand over his cheeks; my eyes never left his. His neck pulsed gently with every heartbeat and I felt the urge to put my face to it, but I quickly thought against it. That would be too much. I couldn't understand what these feelings were, and I was afraid to act on them. It was bad enough I was touching on Sasuke while he slept.

He was a lot like his mother when it came to physical features, but he was definitely a lot warmer to the touch than her. There were some features that he didn't get from his mother, however, and I couldn't know how they would compare because I didn't know what his father looked like. I'd never even heard his father's voice nor had I even given it a thought that Sasuke just might have a father. It was always his mother and sometimes his brother around, but never his father. I thought on this a bit more as a drummed my fingers ever so lightly on his collarbone. I knew it could hurt if I did it too hard because Kiba always complained when Shino would absentmindedly do it do him.

Sasuke's skin was so soft, unlike the rest of us. We couldn't take care of our skin like Sasuke was able to, but we did the best we could do. I didn't dare stick my hand under his clothing; instead, I ran both of my hands slowly over his chest, feeling his features though his shirt the best I could. I felt that by touching him, I was getting to know him in a way I couldn't have otherwise had done. This wasn't something we could have had a conversation about. I couldn't have learned about the features of Sasuke's body just through talking to him. My hands continued down his torso and I stopped on his hips, both of my hands gripping his hipbone. It protruded a bit through his skin and shirt and I thumbed over them lightly. I looked up at Sasuke's face. It was still so peaceful.

I went back up and placed my hands on his shoulders, feeling my way down, over his biceps and triceps, running my fingers over his veins and tendons as I reached his wrists. His hands were lightly calloused, yet they had a strange softness to them. His fingers were long and slender, and his nails were trimmed and clean. I brought my face closer to his hand, as not to disturb his position, and deliberately rubbed my cheek against his boney knuckles and smooth fingers. It was such a rush to touch Sasuke this way, I felt like I could explode at any moment.

Finally, I was working on his legs. I started from his feet, which were, in my opinion, not as attractive looking as his hands, but he had really nice feet anyway. Very smooth. I was drumming my way up his calves when I looked up at Sasuke's face and dark orbs were staring back at me, the candlelight flickering in his eyes.

It was a very surreal moment.

I think my brain went on defensive mode, because suddenly my entire body became stiff, as if to brace it from in the inevitable attack Sasuke was going to serve my ass. But before that happened, I couldn't look away from him; I couldn't break the stare. He hadn't shifted his position or changed his breathing. His eyes were just open, but it was very obvious that he had awoken. And then I did break the stare. I looked away to my right, where there was only a wall to look at. And then I looked back at him. He hadn't changed, though his breathing did get a bit irregular.

Then my body went rigid.

His mouth just barely parted; he drew in a slow breath, "What"—he gulped—"are you doing?" He didn't even sound mad. But, he didn't sound happy either. Maybe that was just the sleep in his voice. His hips wiggled slightly and I noticed that there was a bulge in his pants, but I hadn't known what that had meant.

How was I supposed to answer that question? Common sense dictates that simply explaining exactly what I had been doing would satisfy the question, however, common sense didn't dictate this brain of mine.

What made the whole situation worse was that I kept drumming at his calf muscles. I kept touching him. I felt like I couldn't help it. I couldn't think of what to say that would make this situation better for the both of us, so I said nothing. Just kept drumming at his calf muscles.

After a moment, when he didn't get a response from me, he did something I honestly didn't expect. In one swift move, he grabbed the back of my head, his fist full of my hair and pulled me close to where our noses barely touched. His breath was hot on my mouth and my body was screaming for me to close the gap, though I wasn't sure what I would do after.

"What are you doing, Naruto?" His grip in my hair tightened and I couldn't help but whimper. His voice was so hypnotizing I couldn't focus long enough to pick up on the tone of his voice. He could have been flaming mad for all I knew. "Are you finally experiencing puberty? Are you experiencing hormones for the first time?" His voice was rough. He leaned in even closer, his lips against my ear; "Are your balls finally dropping?" and he licked my ear slowly and deliberately. A shudder ran though my whole body and I felt a pressure in my groin area that I couldn't explain. What was Sasuke doing to me?

"Sa…" My voice was airy and I felt out of breath. I reached up to try to pry his fingers out of my hair, but he only gripped harder and my attempts proved fruitless.

"Oh, what's wrong, Naruto? Can't handle a simple grip of hair? Can't handle touches like these?"

And he ran those warm, slender fingers through my hair, down my pulsating neck, down under my shirt, where he lightly fingered a sensitive area on my chest. My hips did a weird, sudden motion and my groin rubbed against Sasuke's leg, sending new and foreign sensations throughout my body. A loud moan escaped from my throat, and I could feel myself drooling. Sasuke looked like a predator. He knew what he was doing. He knew what to do with these feelings. What had I been thinking trying to touch on Sasuke?

"I… Sasuke…" I couldn't think straight. Thoughts were racing though my mind like freshly fired bullets, but at the same time, my mind was empty of thoughts. I felt like I was going to explode out of my pants. I felt embarrassed drooling in front of Sasuke. I didn't know if he was mocking me or telling me to never touch him again. His voice had an odd playful tone to it in addition to something I couldn't identify at the time. But, his expression had been a mix between longing and seriousness. I couldn't tell what he was really feeling.

"What do you want from me, Naruto?" He breathed into my ear. He started moving his leg back and forth, grazing against my groin with every motion. I couldn't control what my hips were doing; they were jerking sporadically against his leg. I was short of breath and everything felt tight and constricted. I needed Sasuke to stop. I didn't understand what was going on, and my brain and my body had felt ruthlessly overloaded with all these feelings and sensations. My knee accidently grazed his bulge and he groaned deep in his throat as he said, "What do you want?"

"Please…" I panted and our eyes locked for the first time since he had grabbed my hair. He was being genuine with me. "Sha… Stop… Please…"

He smiled despite his very evident frustration. "You're such a fucking tease! Damn it…" His hot breath panted against my mouth for a moment, and then he leaned in again and that perfect voice sailed into my ear, "I'm going to take that innocence away from you. Sooner or later, dobe."

I think I regretted asking Sasuke to stop.

All I could think about was the tightness in my groin and how he had made me feel, not just during that time, but all the time, whether he was physically with me or not. I felt as though I was going absolutely crazy with all of these feelings and unanswered questions and how to proceed with Sasuke. I didn't understand anything. How did Shino and Kiba get to where they were? Did they experience these feelings, too? Did they experience them as often as I did? Shikamaru and Chouji must have gone through the same things as well, right?

I wanted so desperately to be like them. I wanted to come together with Sasuke. I wanted Sasuke to be the 'somebody' I went to and shared my thoughts with. I wanted to induce in Sasuke the same feelings he made me feel on a continuous basis. Why couldn't I bring myself to get to that place? How could I get to that place? Would Sasuke be waiting for me?

I felt like I needed Sasuke with every part of my being. But I also felt as though somebody like Sasuke could never truly want a nobody like me. He only noticed me because I touched him first. I was something to keep him entertained while he waited for something better to come along. He was a German, stronger person and better person because of it, and I was only a small, orphaned Polish boy. He had to be waiting for something better. But something inside of me urged me to not settle for that. It told me to keep pushing, keep fighting for Sasuke, no matter what happened. I wasn't sure how I knew, but I was sure that Sasuke would be waiting for me, that he would be there for me even when he wasn't there physically. He would always be with me.

It had been almost a week since that happened. Shikamaru and I were back in the enclosure and Sasuke and Itachi were back home. I had just seen Shikamaru and Chouji off as they went for an evening walk. I sat outside on the front step of the small house thinking about everything, the world moving slowly as my thoughts raced in my mind. The world seemed to be able to take its time, as if it made its own schedule and did things in its own time. Which I guess was true in a way. I wished that I could get my mind to do the same thing, but my thoughts never came by slowly. Even when I didn't understand, my thoughts never slowed. I had multiple lines of thought constantly and it felt like that I couldn't control my thoughts at times or that I couldn't keep them from getting tangled with other thoughts. Being near Sasuke sometimes made my thinking a little clearer, but more often than not he made the knots and snags worse than they were before, and I would always have to work through them while simultaneously trying to not make a fool out of myself.

That event had been the only clear thing in my mind, but it was also the most muddled and confused thing. I was able to recount every single movement that had happened. My feelings felt just as strong as they felt during the experience.

At that moment, while I was thinking on the front step, I wondered what Sasuke was doing. What was he thinking? Had he reflected on the event like I had? Did he even care?

Thinking back on this whole experience, I finally understood what Shino and Shikamaru meant whenever they mentioned my innocence and naivety. It wasn't the innocence Sasuke had been speaking of, but it does tie in a little. Both Shino and Shikamaru had found it alluring, but they knew they couldn't act on such rash feelings.

From my spot on the steps, I could hear Gaara groan in pain as he began to move to his next spot. Tears that he wouldn't let fall were ever present in his eyes.


	21. Why Do You Come Back?

Flies.

The little bastards were everywhere. Their buzz filled the unbearably hot air and hovered over all bodies, dead or alive.

Summer meant flies. And crows. These two animals were how we were able to discern between a dead body under a newspaper, and someone just trying to get some shade.

We couldn't deny that Summer had arrived.

Kiba and I were roaming the streets, maneuvering around the dead bodies as we walked. I didn't even have to think about it. It was like my feet could sense the body and knew to avoid it. It was hot, but the inside of the house had been even hotter. We couldn't open most the windows, and we weren't willing to smash them out just to release some of the heat. Our mission for the day was to find umbrellas. I hadn't seen one in a long time, and I was convinced that we weren't going to find one. Kiba had higher spirits than I, however.

No, I lied. I had seen an umbrella. Two in fact. Dr. Umino had two umbrellas: a black one and a blue one. I didn't mention these to Kiba, though. I didn't want to be proved wrong, and I didn't want Kiba to think of taking the orphans' umbrellas. It was all they had.

The umbrellas weren't something we actually needed. Looking for the umbrellas was just something to do to pass the time. Every day, Kiba and I would come up with a new "mission", recruit the necessary people (usually Lee or Sakura), and then carry out the "mission". We have done missions such as trying to find the cow, find and count one hundred women (Sakura helped me immensely with that mission), find a potato and a radish without going outside the enclosure, things like that. We often made games of our "missions" and were always oblivious to what was happening. We weren't aware of the war raging on around us, or of the thousands of people that were being murdered every day. We were children trying to stay alive, trying to pass the time, trying to hold on to what little of our childhood we could salvage.

We were turning down Panska Street, where the vendors of the enclosure continuously tried to sell things. They sold various meats like cat, dog, and horse, but we all knew better. It was all rats. Every now and then, one could find a crow's corpse on the table, but it was mostly rats. They were the only animals stupid enough to stick around. They never seemed to run out of rat, and they never tried to sell it as rat. "Cat! Get some fine cat meat right here!" they would yell.

Other vendors sold knick-knacks like buttons, furs that Bread Ladies used to wear about their shoulders, and mechanical parts that once belonged to watches or cars. Even human skeletons made it onto the table. I was sure that everyone in the enclosure didn't have any money at all to spare, but the vendors never let that stop them.

Kiba tried to browse at a few of the tables, but a músor would swat at us to keep moving along. They knew that we especially didn't have anything of worth. We were just children.

"You'd think they'd have a damn umbrella here. They sell nearly everything else," said Kiba, exasperated. Sweat dripped down the nape of his neck onto the collar of his shirt.

I was about to voice my agreement when I noticed the position of the sun. It was in the middle of the sky. It was noon. I looked down at the ground to see that I didn't have a shadow. It was directly underneath me. Slight panic started to rise in me as I grabbed Kiba's hand and raced toward the nearest hedge. I jumped through the leaves, pulling Kiba through with me and ran along the wall until I felt we were safer. Kiba yanked his hand away from me.

"What's your deal, damn it!"

I stared at the sky. "It's noon, Kiba." That shut him up instantly. We were quiet for many long moments. The distant screams and cries of children women filled our ears suddenly as we watched the sun slowly scoot its way from the center of the sky. Amichai was out there; terrorizing anyone he could get his hands on. Kiba shook violently beside me.

I peeked through the hedges, and then I stepped all the way out. I looked at our shadows. "We have to get out of here, Kiba." I pulled him through the hedge. "Come on."

We ran down the streets, trying our best to run from the screams. But as we ran, we realized that we had to go toward the screams to get back to the house. I hoped dearly that Amichai wasn't at the house.

We crept up the street. We were on Twarda Street, five streets away from the house. I could see it from where I stood. It was a small, ragged brick house that had been poorly painted white. I could see Gaara sitting on the front step, smoking. He liked to sit outside when Amichai was about. I didn't like to think about it, but I believed that Gaara hoped that Amichai would come over and just kill him. His hips were worse than ever: they were swollen and purple and we could hear his bones grind against each other whenever he moved. He never cried. The tears were there, but he never let them fall.

I went to step forward, Kiba's hand in mine. Then everything seemed to move at such a slow pace. I turned my head to look behind me, and Kiba was wrenched away from me and hoisted into the air. His scream was cut off when I wrapped in my arms around his waist and pulled down on him as hard as I could. It was enough for the attacker to let go and Kiba scattered as soon as he hit the ground. I was right behind him, running faster than my body could handle. I could see Gaara and the house. I could feel the safety of the house reach out to us. All we had to do was run into its arms. All we had to do was make it.

A sharp pain struck me in my back, but I kept running. I had to make it. But the pain slowed me down and I screamed as I felt malicious fingers wrap around my neck and pull me back. Kiba kept running. I knew he would have stopped to help me if he was able to do something, but there was nothing he could do for me. I squirmed and tried to keep my head clear as I was dragged to the ground.

Amichai towered over me.

"I have had you on my mind for quite some time, boy," he said, his voice so smooth and low. My eyes ached they were so wide. My mind raced, screeched over and over I must survive I must survive I must survive. "While you're not the only blond in the whole ghetto," he paused to put his foot to my neck. I could barely breathe. "You're the only one that's like a gold trophy, fixed with sapphire jewels." He kissed the tips of his fingers. "Beautiful."

The world was quiet. All around me I could feel eyes on me. Everyone was too afraid to stand up to Amichai. I could even feel Gaara's eyes on me. I knew he wanted to be in my position, and for a selfish moment, I wished I could switch places with him. He wanted this! Why was I in this situation? I didn't want to die!

I groped the ground for anything I could use to hurt Amichai. He was lowering himself over me, his knees on either side of me. His hand replaced his foot, and he slowly pressed down. The edges of my vision slowly started to blur, but I could see Amichai's smile so clearly. He looked almost apologetic, as if he were sorry that he wouldn't get the chance to kill me again. I kept running my hand over the ground, reaching all around me for something, anything. My vision had become just small holes with Amichai at the center when I felt something cut my hand. I grabbed it and slammed it against his face. He yelled angrily, his hands instantly covering face. Blood ran down onto my forehead. I hit him in the stomach as hard as I could and pushed him off of me and ran, not towards the house, but to the wall. I couldn't think about why I wasn't going to the house. I couldn't control where I body went. I just knew that I needed to get out of there. I knew that that place was death.

I reached the wall and found a drainage hole. I didn't even check if there were any Jackboots around as I pushed myself through. I ran even though my body protested greatly. A pop sounded and I kept running. I didn't stop until I saw the house. I hadn't noticed that I was clutching my arm. I had been shot.

I buzzed the button repeatedly, not caring if I annoyed anyone inside. I pressed it even when someone had finally answered. I pressed when the gate had opened and the housemaid tried to pull me away from the buzzer. My mind was blank. I was away from myself. I could see everything going on around me, but I wasn't in my body anymore. I could see Chlodna Pani's panicked face and I could hear her say over and over Mein Sonnenblume! I turned my head there were was a great mirror. I stared back at myself. My eyes were blue and wide and if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought that I was made up of dirt and dust. Purple was developing around my neck and my left arm bled profusely. My hair was bright despite the dirt and yellow, like the sun. I was a golden trophy that needed to be polished.

I looked around. "Where's Sasuke?" I could hear myself asking. Nobody answered me. They were too busy with my body. My armed burned. One of the maids had dabbed at it with a cotton ball soaked with liquid. I didn't want them touching me, but they would only tug on me whenever I tried to pull away. I hadn't gone to the Uchiha household to be fixed or cleaned. "Where's Sasuke?" I asked again. I wanted to see Sasuke. I wanted to say hi and see how he was doing. He would call me 'dobe' and he would treat me curtly and everything would be fine. "Where's Sasuke?" He would make me feel better. He could make me feel healthy again.

But no one answered me. Itachi wasn't among the housemaids either. I wanted to ask, "Where's Itachi?" but I knew no one would hear me. Looked down at my arm. I couldn't move it. I thought I would have fainted by then, or crying, but I sat there, outside myself, not knowing what to do.

The bullet hadn't lodged in my arm. It had hit the side of it, grazed it. I couldn't move it because I was shocked that I had been shot. I had feeling in my fingers, though, so I didn't think about it much. I thought that as I got thinner, the less blood that would be in my body. It had surprised me that I had so much blood in my arm. It was in a sling. Chlodna Pani had told me not to move it, but I had moved it anyway and cried at the pain, so she put it in a sling and wrapped it so I wouldn't move it. It made it awkward to run.

They had bathed me and had tried to feed me, but for the first time in my life I didn't feel the pangs of hunger. I let them give me sausages and cheeses in a sack. I would bring it back to the boys.

I had to get back. I felt death all over, but I had to go back. I had snuck out the house when everyone retired to bed and ran to the gates. I didn't want Chlodna Pani to worry, but I didn't want to wake her. She would only make me go to bed. I wouldn't write her note; I didn't know how to read or write Polish, let alone German. So before leaving, I drew a series of pictures telling a story of sorts of how I would be going back to the enclosure. I just hoped she would understand.

I pushed the sack through, then myself. These bars were wider than the bars at the enclosure. I ran as best I could toward the enclosure, hiding and moving in the shadows, until I saw the wall. Dogs and Jackboots were on patrol around the wall and I waited for them to pass before running along the wall. I found a drainage hole and pushed the sack through, then myself. It took me a little longer than usual because I couldn't move my arm. With my arm on top of my chest, it made my body too wide to fit through the hole, so endured the pain of squeezing and scraping my arm against the bricks so I could get through.

With a quick glance at my surroundings, I saw that I was along the wall that would lead to the back of the house. I took to the shadows again and crept along, running when I had to the chance, until I reached the house. The back door was cracked open ever so slightly. I went inside, locked the door. I dumped the food in the food closet and made my way up to the attic. Everyone had been awake. Only Gaara was sound asleep, something I had never seen before. How could he sleep through the pain he was in?

"Naruto," Shino breathed. I looked away from Gaara. I didn't acknowledge him, or anyone else as I made my way to my spot on the floor and eased myself on top of the braided rug. I had my back turned to them. I didn't want to talk to them.

Eventually, I could hear them lie down and make themselves comfortable on the floor and before I knew it, snores filled the air. I wish I could sleep like them. I could not let myself relax. I could not bring sleep to my eyes to make them droop. They were still open and wide.

I ran my thumb over the cut on my palm. It had been worse than I had thought. Whatever had cut me had been very sharp. The maids had to pull my skin back together with some sort of thread. That hurt more than the cut did.

"Why do you keep coming back?" Gaara's raspy voice joined the light snores in the thick, hot air.

I didn't want to talk to him. I refused to respond.

He continued, "You are able to slip in and out of this place whenever you want. I know you know place is death." I turned to him. The full moon shone through the small window right on Gaara's form. He looked back at me. Those tears were still there. "We're going to die here," he said. His voice was so even and so sure.

"You can't know that."

"Don't try to hide from the truth, Naruto." His eyes narrowed. "Don't do that to yourself."

I could only stare at him. I believed him ridiculous. "We aren't going to die here. You might, but we won't. We can't," I spat. I was so angry with him. My anger didn't faze him, however.

"Don't do that to yourself," he said again. He nodded, "I will die here. That's a fact. I have a sickness in my hips I can't control." His voice cracked at the last part. A tear fell down his face. I could feel my anger wanting to subside, but I wouldn't let it. "I'm going to die, but it won't be by their hands." He looked at me intensely. "I won't let that happen."

He only let that one tear fall. He looked away from me and I looked away from him. I stared up at the ceiling. Out the corner of my eye, I could see Lee's shoulders shake, but no sobs sounded. The air had been emptied of snores. I couldn't stay mad at Gaara, no matter how I tried.

He asked again, "Why do you keep coming back?"

I felt that that was a stupid question. "Aren't I supposed to?" I tried not to snap at him. "You guys are all I have! We have been in this for too long to just leave each other. I am able to provide something for you guys." I could feel my anger rise again, but I couldn't aim it at Gaara. "If you could do what I do, wouldn't you come back?"

He didn't skip a beat. "No."

I couldn't help looking at him again. The air seemed to shift into something I couldn't quite put a name to, and I wished that everyone had still been asleep.

"I know in my heart that I wouldn't have come back, especially not after today." I searched his face for a hint of a lie, but I couldn't find one. "I would have never volunteered to find food, I would not have done anything to help because that's how I would get caught up. Those deeds and promises would tie me here, and I wouldn't be able to leave and feel that tug in my heart telling me to go back. They need you. Go back. I could not do it."

The words that flew from my head to my throat felt blocked. I couldn't say what I wanted to say. He spoke all the dark and bad thoughts I had tried to push away. I was old enough to strongly feel that my life would have been better if I had not met them, or had helped them, but I was too naïve, too simple to have those feelings for long. I was too caring. And in the end, when I truly gave it thought, I didn't mind risking my life for the boys. I grew up risking my life for myself; it was second nature to do it for others.

"But you would come back, eventually," I found myself saying. I looked him the eyes. Surprise swam in his eyes. I continued, "Because you would feel that tug in your chest and that would bring you back. You wouldn't want to, but you would come back. I'm sure you would."

Gaara stared at me. His expression remained blank, but anger swam along side his surprise in his eyes. He said nothing to me as he reached into his pocket, wincing when he bumped his hand against his hip, and pulled out a cigarette and match.

I looked back up at the ceiling. My arm hurt and my neck felt sore and stiff. I propped myself up on my good arm and scooted myself back against wall. After some time, I glanced over at Gaara. He had gone through one hand of fingers worth of cigarettes. It wasn't until he smoked another hand of fingers worth and the sun had started to rise that he finally said something to me. It would be something I would remember for the rest of my life because it would be the last thing he would ever say to me.

"Fuck you, Naruto."

Gaara opted to sit on the right-hand side of the top front step. He didn't want to be touched, talked to, looked at, thought of, anything. He didn't want us to even remember he existed. He said not one word to anyone, passing or going. He had a stack of cigarettes and matches on the step below him. That would be his sustenance.

"Do you like Gaara like how Kiba likes Shino?" I asked as Lee tended to my arm. I expected a blush to cross his cheeks, but that didn't happen.

"No," he said, smiling. "What Gaara and I have is a strong, close friendship."

"What's the difference?"

Lee thought for a moment. "It's something that really can't be explained with words. The friendship I have with Gaara brings us closer together where he could talk to me about things that he wouldn't talk about with others. And there's sense of loyalty and protection that just happens. We didn't plan to protect each other or be truthful to each other. It just happened." I just stared at Lee. I didn't really understand the relationship they had.

"So he doesn't make your groin feel funny?" I thought back to that day in the cellar. Thinking about it made me feel tingly.

The blush I had been waiting for came completely, reaching even his ears. He couldn't keep himself from laughing. "No, he doesn't." He laughed again. "Even if he did, we wouldn't go beyond our friendship. Gaara doesn't like boys or girls. I guess you could say that there isn't anything that makes his… his groin feel funny." He stammered and chuckled. "Naruto, you're so innocent it hurts."

Well, I didn't mean to hurt him. He finished with my arm and stood up, his bones popping and cracking as he stretched. He waved as he walked away, leaving me in the attic alone. It was hot in the attic, but I didn't want to leave. I was still shaken by what happened yesterday. I never thought that I would be so close to being just another child dead in the street, hidden from the world by a newspaper.

Amichai had treated me special. All of his victims had been beaten to death with his club, the only weapon that the Jackboots would allow the músor to carry. Not once had I ever witnessed him choking anyone. He didn't take his time killing. He made a quick job of it and was off to find his next victim. I was special to Amichai.

All because of my blond hair.

I searched the attic for a piece of coal. I refused to be targeted by him again. I found piece in the corner and I started pounding my head with it. I didn't want to be blond, not if it meant my death. I searched for another piece of coal when suddenly I was embraced from behind. The arms were warm and the body smelled clean and fragrant. I didn't need to turn around to see who it was.

"Sasuke."

He let me go and turned me around by my shoulders. He looked me over and I wanted to push him away. Why did he always look me over when I was at my worst? It was a constant fear of mine that he wouldn't want to be near me anymore if he realized how different I had become since he first met me. I did not look good and I knew it. I needed food and a place to take a proper bath.

"Naruto," he said, focusing his dark eyes on my face. "Why did you leave the house?"

"I could not stay. I had to come back."

"You're not better. My mother is worried sick."

I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. "Did she get my drawing?"

"Yes, but that wasn't going to keep her from worrying."

"Where were you?" I said, trying to turn the focus of the conversation to him. "I asked for you, but no one would answer me."

"They don't speak Polish, Naruto. They couldn't have answered you anyway."

"I said your name. That should have been enough."

He pushed me back a little, but still kept his hands on my shoulders. "It wouldn't have mattered. I was at the train station seeing my brother off," he said, his eyes narrowing at me. "If you would have stayed, I would have been there."

"I left at night!" I nearly yelled. "I was there long enough! You could have seen me!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Dobe, you were sleeping. What did you want me do to, wake you up after you had been shot? What kind of nonsense is that?"

"I wasn't sleeping. I was wide-awake the entire time. You couldn't have had come by my room. I would have known." His eyes narrowed. I knew I caught him in his lie.

Sasuke knew as well, and looked away from me. It was interesting how attractive his face was even in irritation. I wanted to touch the small creases between his eyebrows and trace my finger down to the tip of his nose. He seemed otherworldly to me, and when I thought about it, he was from completely different world; a world where he had his parents around and food that he didn't have to steal to eat when he was hungry and a place to take a bath everyday, not just when he was able to get to the river or when he was lucky enough to receive a bath from Dr. Umino or a nice lady. He didn't live in a world where he wondered if he would live to see the next moment or if he would be lucky enough to find a half eaten morsel of food or something that's not all the way rotted. He didn't have to scratch lice out of his head or wear mismatched shoes and socks; if he had been lucky enough to even find any shoes or socks. He didn't have to wonder about his identity. He didn't even have to wonder about his name. That was I. That was my world.

But I didn't get mad at him from being from a world so far away from my own.

"I kept my door open, waiting for you to pass by," I said in a whisper. I touched his face, but he didn't look at me. "Why didn't you come by?" I pushed my fingertips into his hair, rubbing my thumb over his cheek, leaving coal dust behind. His pale skin contrasted strongly with the blackness of the dust.

He didn't answer my question, but I could see the hurt in his eyes. Instead, he said, "Why do you keep coming back here?"

"I can't just leave, Sasuke. What about Shino, and Shikamaru, and the rest of them? I'm the only one that can get out to the other side. Shikamaru can't fit through the bars anymore and he sure can't fit through the drainage holes in the brick walls." I felt like I couldn't get my point across because of the limited movement of my arm. I felt stupid trying use my left arm to put my words into motion, but I didn't care. "There isn't any food in here, Sasuke! None! Unless you want us to start eating each other! You seem to being doing okay, though. You have food."—he motion to butt in, but I held up my good hand, silencing him—"Yeah, you may have a bit of a shortage, with what half the city bombed and more than half the bakers, and butchers and such people gone! They're all Jews! Jews! Filthy sons of Abraham!" I was almost shouting now. I remembered hearing the Jackboots scream 'filthy sons of Abraham' in the faces of the Jews. "They are lower than dirt. They are lower than the scum of the Earth, Sasuke. According to them, the Jackboots, Nazis, whatever you want to call them, we don't deserve food, or a decent home, or baths, or life. Walk about the enclosure, the ghetto, and see all the dead children lying about in the streets. I can't walk a few moments without trying to avoid the body of a child."

I didn't feel flustered or out of breath. I was calm. A lot calmer than I thought I would be. Sasuke, who couldn't look at me before, couldn't help but stare at me, but his eyes weren't truly focused on me. A look of utter disbelieve coloured his face. Did he really not know what was happening on this side of the wall? Was he really so sheltered from the world that he didn't know what happening in the very city he lived in?

The air of the attic had become unbearably hot and sticky, and I wanted to go outside to sit in the shade, but my nerves screamed their protests. Being outside was a dangerous place. But I knew I couldn't avoid it forever.

Sasuke reached out his hand and touched the tips of my hair. "What were you doing?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

I looked down at my feet. They were starting to get dirty again. "I don't want to be blond anymore."

"Naruto, why?"

I fingered my neck—it was still stiff and very sore—and motioned at my injured arm. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want Sasuke to see me crying yet again. "Can we go sit outside?"

Sasuke didn't press me for answers, though I could see that he wanted to. He took my hand and led me down the stairs. I grabbed a small piece of cheese from the food closet; it was no bigger than my thumbnail, and we went out the back door. The sun was shining down on the front of the house, and Gaara was there. I knew that he wouldn't' want us sitting near him.

"Sasuke," I said, nibbling at the cheese. "How did you get inside?" I looked up at him. He looked at me from the corner of his eye. A smirk played at the corner of his lips, but it wasn't the usual smirk. Hurt was still swirling around in his eyes, in his expressions, in his body language.

"I walked through the gate. It was open and I walked in."

"You can do that?"

"No, but I did it anyway. Though, it does help that it's Sunday," he said, shrugging.

"What's 'Sunday'?" I asked. As Sasuke turned to me, the back door creaked open.

"The day they don't shoot you," came Shikamaru's voice. It was hard. He was crying.


	22. Kicking Dirt and Disjointed Slumber

Despite the rope around his neck, bruising it, and his face pale because it was void of life, he looked as though he was simply sleeping. He twisted slightly, barely swaying back and forth in the stagnant air. He had a sign around his neck, and the black letters seemed to jump out at us in the Summer heat, but they only swirled in my eyes and around my head. I could not read them.

I looked back up to his face. The odd peacefulness disturbed me. Chouji had been hanged. Such a nice boy, so full of life in this place of death and he had been hanged. The pole was a light fixture quite a distance from the house. I had passed up this pole many times, never noticing the distance from the house, never giving a second thought to the light pole. It had been just an ordinary pole. Never in my life would I have thought that someone, that Chouji, would be hanged from it.

Sunday was the day that the Jackboots didn't shoot the Jews, but apparently, hanging was fine. I liked to think that there were many rules that had been put in place that the Jackboot didn't really follow. I came to think that they weren't supposed to do any kind of violence on Sunday. But we were Jews. Lower than dirt. A person can kick dirt anytime they wanted to.

Kiba and Lee took to climbing the pole. We had to get Chouji down. Sasuke, Shino, and I were to stand under Chouji to catch him, for there wasn't enough rope to lower him to the ground. Shino tossed Lee a thick shard of glass, and, hanging by his legs, Lee began hacking away at the thick rope. Kiba was on the other side of Lee, near the bulb of the pole, keeping Lee's legs steady on the bar and holding the rope. All the while, we were all hoping that the Jackboots walking about with their girlfriends wouldn't interrupt us; they walked past us, pointing and laughing. The women would giggle and snicker, making snide remarks about us. Sasuke stared at them as they walked by; he able to understand the mean words they spoke. He looked down at the ground for only a few moments, then back up to Chouji. He was the strongest of all of us. Shino and I knew that we couldn't be able to catch Chouji, even though he had lost most of his weight by then. He was too high for us to catch him safely.

The sun crawled its way to the other side of the sky, taking its sweet, sweet time. Time seemed to have slowed to a near halt. The time between one slash at the rope and the next seemed to expand or stop. It felt as though they had given up on trying to cut the rope, and I had to keep looking up to prove to myself that Lee was trying his best to cut through the rope and that time was still moving forward.

Eventually, Lee and Kiba switched jobs; Lee was holding on to the rope with both hands as Kiba hacked away at the remaining rope. Shikamaru, who had left at the beginning, came back with a spade. Dirt was all over his face clothes. A bruise was forming on his cheek. I wanted to ask Shikamaru if he was all right, but Sasuke tapped my shoulder.

"Get ready. The rope is almost cut."

It was getting close to curfew, but it didn't seem to matter to Shikamaru. The sound of broken earth and heavy breathing drifted upward and through the slacks in the small attic window. The spade struck the earth at a constant, melancholy pace. None of us knew what say. None of knew what to do. We honestly thought that Gaara would be the first to go out of the group, but somehow, the boy was still hanging on to whatever strands of life he had left. He slept nearly all hours of the day, his head resting on his knees and a cigarette burning in his hand. His consistent burning of his supply of cigarettes was the only sign of life we had from Gaara. We weren't sure he even had the energy to smoke them anymore.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but quiet sobs penetrated my dreams and brought me back to the surface of waking life. Sasuke lay next to me, our backs up against each other. I inched away from Sasuke's back slowly until I wasn't touching it anymore, then I stood up and walked over to the small window. Shikamaru had finished digging the hole in the small patch of earth we had behind the house. The edges of the hole came up to Shikamaru's waist. He was inside the hole, slowly and gently dragging Chouji's still body over the edges of the hole until he fell in and Shikamaru caught him in his arms. His sobs grew louder the tighter he held Chouji. Curfew wasn't over, and all I could do is hope and wish that Jackboot didn't come by and hear Shikamaru.

He would surely be shot dead.

I found myself not being able to understand what had happened to Chouji. I kept expecting him to come down the stairs, a smile beaming on his face with Shikamaru trailing behind, yawning as he always did. Chouji would pass out our rationed portions of food and we would eat together, the air full of words, but the words were blissfully and happily empty. I kept closing my eyes, then opening them at random intervals, hoping that he would be in my face, smelling like sausage and dirt. Where did he go? I couldn't understand that Shikamaru buried him behind the house and refused to move from the gravesite. All Shikamaru did was cry. I wondered if he would run of tears.

The rope lay coiled in a heap near Shikamaru's feet. Did it smell like Chouji?

It had been two weeks since that Sunday. It was Sunday again, and Sasuke had come back again, having left the day after Chouji was hanged. He decided that he would come visit on Sundays, and sleep over when he could. However, this Sunday, he could not sleep over.

As I shifted on my bedding, I could hear Shikamaru breath deeply. Sasuke was out there, sitting on the concrete steps. I wouldn't be able to see him from the window if were to look out. Sleep danced about me, eluding me when I thought I finally had it in my grasp. It was hot in the attic. The air was stiff and thick, but I could not bring myself to care. There was nothing to do, and death was just outside our door.

Just when I felt sleep coming upon once more, Shikamaru's panicked voice cut through my sleepy haze and I bolted into a sitting position.

"Oh, my God! My Lord, I've buried Chouji! Chouji!" he screamed. I peeped out the window, and some of the others soon joined me as we watched Shikamaru claw at the dirt. "I'm so sorry, Chouji," he cried. Sasuke grabbed him by the shoulders and held him back from the grave. Shikamaru looked unnerved as Sasuke turned him about and looked him in the eyes.

"Shikamaru. He's gone," Sasuke said quietly. It seemed to me that only Sasuke had the gall to say what everyone else was afraid to say to Shikamaru. He had been by Chouji's grave since he dug it; he refused to come inside. But, something in Shikamaru had died with Chouji, and only hollow noises came from him.

"Sasuke," he said. "He's right there. I put him in the ground." Shikamaru tried to motion to the grave, but Sasuke held his shoulders firmly. Tears overflowed from his eyes and his breath hitched. "I won't leave him. Not for anyone. Not again."

The days felt disjointed and long. All of the days were hot. Shikamaru was no longer happy. His unhappiness sounded and boomed throughout the entire house and through our bodies. His sadness could not be defined, and it sucked the energy from all of us. We could do nothing but dance around with sleep in hopes that the heat would let it go so that it could drown us in slumber.


	23. Angels

Summer passed quietly on into Autumn without our knowledge.

Gaara passed with the Summer, his cigarettes no longer burning in between his fingers. We wondered if we should bury him like Chouji was buried, but his body was gone before he could come to a decision. The body carts walked about more often, and I was honestly surprised that they hadn't tried to pick up Gaara earlier; they made mistakes all the time, picking up seemingly dead bodies, only to find that the person was just sleeping. Maybe it was because he didn't have crows around him all that while. Crows meant death, and Gaara's crow didn't come until the end of Summer, just like Gaara said it would.

As the world began to fade into golds and reds, the blistering, drowsy sleep that hung over us during the last half of Summer began to fade, and we woke up like Spring flowers. The world was picking up the speed it lost during the Summer's heat; that speed transformed into the cool breezes and wind that carried the warm smell of Autumn, and renewed us with energy.

I woke up one morning, the sun slowly pulling itself over the horizon, and I heard a small voice. The air, now cool and moving, carried the voice up into the attic. It wasn't the first time I heard the voice, but I had never gotten up to see to whom it belonged. Sleep had been a priority hadn't been willing to put aside for anyone or anything else. Followed the voice to the small window and peered outside. Shikamaru lied next to Chouji's grave, making small circles in the dirt. He often talked to himself (or to Chouji, I suppose), but the voice I heard didn't come from him. The only sounds he made at that moment came from his breathing. I found that Shikamaru started to breathe deeper since Chouji's death. I liked to think that he was trying to remind himself that he was still alive, and because he was still alive, Chouji remained alive in Shikamaru's memory, heart, and breath. The voice didn't sound again.

I stood by the window, listening to Shikamaru breathe. The sun crawled into a comfortable position in the sky and seemed to stay there, not wanting the Earth to get too warm. The temperature was perfect, and a slight breeze blew through the window. The world was coloured in the colours of Autumn and the sun's pale colours of light reds and pinks and oranges. The sky would become a light, clear blue later on in the day, but I wished that the day would stay just like this. That everyone would stay as they were. This was the most peaceful I had felt in a very long time, but I knew that this peace wouldn't last very long. Good feelings didn't live long within the enclosure. The Jackboots made sure of that. And it seemed that as long as we all were inside the walls the enclosure, good feelings would continue to die.

"Candy Mountain! Everyone! Girls! Boys! Get ready to go to Candy Mountain!"

This old man, he came out of nowhere. I saw a new face every day while in the enclosure, what with so many people crammed into a small area. It was sort of refreshing to see the face of an old person. Many, if not all, of the elderly people trapped in here died right away due to their old age. But I could imagine that being in a place like this could age a person very quickly. I saw the effect for myself in the faces of the boys and the girls everywhere. Sakura and Tenten, both who once looked like happy ten-year-old girls looked like they were in their later teenage years. They didn't smile and talk much anymore and didn't leave the attic most of the time. The fire I once saw burn in Sakura's emerald eyes died a long time ago. The boys looked aged beyond their years as well. Shino, who was nineteen, no longer looked as young as he did when I first met him. He had always looked younger than his age, but now he looked a lot older and tired. Even Lee, who was the most youthful child I had known, looked aged. I took a peek at the old man from where I sat against the crumbled wall of an old café. He marched around with such energy and life that I couldn't bring myself to muster if I wanted to. I wondered if the old man wasn't as old as he looked, but all of his hair was grey and his beard was long and grey as well. He looked like somebody's grandfather.

What was this Candy Mountain? In my mind, I could see a large pile of candy, and the children of the enclosure jump into it, flinging candy everywhere and pulling off the wrappers. Even the adults jump into the pile and eat as much of it as they please; the mound never seems to diminish. Why was there a Candy Mountain? What was it for? As much as I'd like to have some candy, I'd rather have some bread and a few onions or radishes. That seemed to be more realistic and better in the long run than a mountain of candy. The old man continued up the street, yelling for people to come and gather and get ready for Candy Mountain. Living grey rags clumped after him, wanting to go to Candy Mountain, but he was walking too fast for them. One of them fell over and didn't get back up.

I looked away from the fallen child and up to the sky. Thin and wispy clouds lolled about in the light blue sky. The sky wouldn't be blue for long; it was getting lighter and lighter with every day that passed. I pushed against the wall and braced myself as I stood up on my feet. Tomorrow, it would be Sunday. Sasuke would be coming to visit. He brought food whenever he could and games that he had had for many years, but didn't play anymore. He was eighteen. He was too old for games. That's what Shino told me, jokingly. But the games were useful for passing the time.

I was thinking about what game we should play tomorrow when I found myself walking past the graveyard. An iron wrought fence bordered the area, keeping out unwanted visitors. Guards were every present at the gates, only allowed certain people, dead or alive, through. What caught my attention about the graveyard was the stone statue that, if I reached my arm through the bars, I could touch its cold stone feet. It was in the model of a person, but the person had giant, long features coming from its back, making the statue appear bigger than it really was. I didn't know what it was. It looked mighty and powerful, ready to strike down whomever wrongly crossed its path. Though it was just a statue, I didn't want to anger it by staring for too long, and I hurried along the gate towards the house, looking back only once.

"It's an angel?"

Sasuke, Shino, Lee, and I were standing at the gates of the graveyard, looking up at the statue. It seemed grander than it was yesterday.

"What's an angel?" I asked. Did the wings, the long features on their backs, make them angels? "What are they for?"

Sasuke shifted next to me, looking up at the statue. Shino didn't make any move to answer me.

"Well," Lee said, looking up at the angel thoughtfully. "They're not human like we are, you know, flesh and bone and flawed, but they look like us so they can come to us without scaring us. No body knows what an angel truly looks like."

"Why not?"

"As humans, we aren't pure enough. We only get to see angels when we go to Heaven." Lee said, a smile on his face. "Angel help us move on, from Earth to Heaven, when we die."

"I don't believe that load of bullshit," Shino said suddenly. He was still staring at the angel, but I could see that he was not happy about the angel. "When you die, you just die. That's it."

Lee turned to Shino. "You don't believe in Heaven?"

"No."

I thought about what Lee said. Angels come to those who have died and help them go on to Heaven.

"What's Heaven?"

"A happy place where you won't have to worry about anything ever again. You live eternally. Forever." Lee said, looking past Shino.

"Heaven's only a fairy-tale to put naïve children like Lee to sleep." Shino countered.

"…Are crows angels?" I asked. Sasuke looked over at me then. It seemed he had been intentionally staying out of the conversation. Shino and Lee looked just as confused by my question as Sasuke did. "I mean, angels come to the dead and help them along to Heaven, right? Well, crows are always by the dead. If a person is not dead, there are no crows. Crows are like angels. Or maybe there are angels. They let us know who have died, like a messenger."

Lee had an incredulous look upon his face. "Crows are evil things. Don't you think they look evil?"

I shook my head. "Maybe it's another way for angels to come to Earth. It would be too distracting if they came in their human forms, wouldn't it? With those big, long wings and their body size. Crows are fearless and nobody minds or bothers a crow. I think it's a good form."

Shino and Sasuke had such familiar expressions on their faces. Shino hadn't had such an expression since he kissed my forehead so many months ago. Sasuke turned his face away from me, a smile playing at his lips.

"I see I'm not the only one who has fallen for his purity," Sasuke said, nudging Shino, who only looked away.

"It's not mine to touch, unfortunately." I didn't understand what they were talking about.

Lee stepped up to me. His hand settled on my shoulder, a small smile on his face. "I believe that Naruto can see angels for what they are."

Sasuke turned away. Shino scoffed, "Don't be stupid."

Sunday was halfway over, and I talked Sasuke into letting me going with him to his house. He seemed reluctant to have me over. I wondered if it was because I was dirty and I still had some lice in my hair. He tried to assure to me that that wasn't the reason, but I couldn't help but think otherwise.

"I'll see you outside the gate," I told him, breaking away from him.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke grabbed on to the back of my jacket. It was holey. Moth-eaten.

"I can't go out the front gate, Sasuke. I would definitely get shot," I said, pulling away from him. He had an odd, sad look on his face that didn't suit him at all. "Hey, stop looking like that. I'll be fine. Just go and I'll meet you at the end of the street, on the corner." He let me go and I went on my way, not looking back. I misjudged where I had been within the enclosure, and it took me a little longer than expected to get find a drainage hole, and get through the wall. Sasuke was waiting at the end of the street like planned. I was lucky and came out a hole that was next to the corner. Sasuke just stared at me as I came through the hole on my back.

"What?" I said.

"How is it that you fit through there?" It seemed that he couldn't wrap his head around just how small I was.

"I don't know. I just… do, I guess." I shrugged as I stood up and dusted myself off. "I fit through the holes before the food shortage became a problem." I slipped off the blue and white armband and stuff it into the jacket pocket.

"Oh," he said.

"Why do you sound so sad?"

"I'm not sad."

"But you sound sad. There's a difference, isn't there?" I said, tugging on his jacket. It didn't have holes it in. It smelled clean. "Just like how you could sound happy, but not actually be happy on the inside," and I tapped my chest for emphasis.

The brick wall shifted backwards ever so slightly. Sasuke pressed me against the wall of partially bombed building. The wall was weak and I didn't know if it could handle my weight with Sasuke pushing on me, but it all was forgotten. Warmth was over my mouth and my mind was rushing but blank at the same time. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I made a noise in the back of my throat that I couldn't contain. His eyes were half-lidded and my mind was telling me to close my eyes and lean into him, into his warmth. There was safety in his warmth and I somehow knew that everything would be all right, even if it weren't right away.

My hands found their way onto his neck and in his hair and my body begged to be closer to him. Sasuke seemed to feel this way, too, and pressed his body even closer to mine. I soon found that I couldn't breathe and I pulled my face away. I laughed, as we both were gasping for breath. A smile was on his face. A true smile.

"See that, on your face? That's happiness," I said. He rested his forehead against mine, the smile never leaving his face.

"How is that someone as pure as you continues to live in such a place as this?" His voice came in a whisper. "Death everywhere, every day. Mindless violence upon you without a cause." The smile dwindled the more he spoke. "Starvation. No way to properly clean yourself. How is that you, Naruto, live? How could God allow such a pure person as yourself be condemned to this life?"

I wondered briefly about who God could be, but it slowly dawned on me that I was a source of Sasuke's sadness. I squirmed in his arms, but he wouldn't let me go.

"Sasuke, please," I pleaded. "Don't be sad for me. I'll be fine. I'm always fine." I pushed just far away to look him in the eyes. I meant what I said and he need to know that I was serious.

"Don't do that to me, Naruto," he retorted, his eyes hardening and just as serious. I didn't know what "that" meant, and I said so. "When someone care about you, you can't just tell them to stop. It doesn't work that way."

"I just don't want you to be sad."

"How would you feel if someone told you to stop caring about me?"

My brows knitted together instantly. "I would feel absolutely…" My hands tightened into fists against his back. I didn't want to, but I understood exactly what he was getting at, but that didn't change how I felt. I didn't want to cause him any hurt. I didn't want anyone or anything to cause him any hurt. But, it wouldn't be fair for me to deny him the same. I never thought about just how much Sasuke would care about me. He wasn't very consistent in the display of his feelings, and I wouldn't know sometimes what he felt for me. Every now and again, I would feel stupid for liking him the way I did because it wasn't very often that he reflected the feelings back to me. Even being this close to Sasuke, pressed against him and the wall, I feel that there's some distance between us that I'm not able to cross. But I continue to pine after him anyway. "I would be angry that they even suggested that sort of thing…" I looked down at his chest.

He stepped back from me and grabbed onto my hand. "Come on, let's get going."

As we walked away, I could hear the wall crumble to the ground.

Sasuke was practically dragging me down the hall. I was trying to jog to keep up, but he was going way too fast. In the blur of the hallway, I recognized one of the pictures, and I realized that we were going to Sasuke favourite spot. I hadn't been in that room since the very first time I met him.

"Sasuke," I wheezed. I was trying to jog again. "Why are we walking so fast?"

"Just keep walking."

It was like he was tempting fate. I tripped and he kept dragging me for a few seconds before it became apparent that I couldn't get back up to my feet without him stopping.

"Come on, come on!"

"I'm trying, Sasuke."

I had barely been able to be sure in my sense of balance before Sasuke took off again, and I nearly tripped again. We made it to the end of the hall and he quickly pulled the heavy door open and pushed me through it first and he followed. From there, I made my way through the boxes of old things until I came to the small door in the wall. Sasuke came up next to me and slid away a latch, unlocking it. I crawled through first, and he followed. The room was the same as it had been when I first came here. Everything was still in its place. The paintings on the easel were different, naturally. The blue and orange swirl painting was mounted on the wall above where Sasuke had lain when he had been reading his book. A brown leather book with gold detailing on the spine and cover lay shut on the cushions.

Something didn't feel right. "Sasuke, what's going on?"

"Naru—"

A door slammed against the wall nearby, and from entrance on the other side of the room came a man that I had never seen before. He was big in his attitude and a man of power; this was made apparent from the first few seconds of looking at him. He had a frown just like Sasuke's

"Oh, no…" Sasuke voice was barely a whisper. He stepped in front of me when the man took a single step forward. The man's voice was a very low and gravelly. His German sounded frightening and I shied away from him. Sasuke said something back in reply, but he was cut off immediately, and Sasuke was on the floor. My eyes grew wide. When did the man move and how did he move so quickly? Sasuke was cradling his face and the man stood over him with a familiar looking object in his large hands. My hands suddenly rushed into my jacket pockets, and I could feel my breath quickening. My armband. It wasn't there. I looked back up to the man's hand. The blue and white armband, nearly completely brown with dirt and crumpled, was in his hand. No, no, no. This can't be happening.

Juden! That was the only word I could capture in his booming voice. He was yelling at Sasuke because there was a Jew in the house. I was the Jew he was yelling at Sasuke for. I was the reason Sasuke was hit in the face. If I hadn't tripped, he wouldn't be in this situation.

He picked up Sasuke by his neck and I cried out in terror. The man looked over at me, nothing but anger in his eyes and he turned to me. He drew his arm back, Sasuke still in his hand, and threw Sasuke at me with such force that I flew back with Sasuke. I hit my head on the floor, a nauseating crack sounding throughout the room. Sasuke lay on top of me, unmoving, and I started to cry. The last thing I remembered seeing was the man's hand ball up into a fist.

Then everything went black.

"…Naruto…"

Someone was calling my name. They sounded so far away. Hello?

"…You need… Naruto…?"

I couldn't understand what they were saying.

"…Hey… Wake… Naruto…"

Suddenly, I was drowning. Everything became cold and wet and I flailed about, trying to stay alive. I opened my eyes and Sasuke was in my face and nearly screamed. He clamped my hand over my mouth and I felt through his eyes that he willed that I would calm down. My breathing was shaky and I wanted to cry. His face was swollen and he was bleeding from the mouth. Something moved behind him. My mind went back to what had happened at the house and I nearly screamed again.

"Itachi, please," Sasuke implored. His voice sounded hoarse.

"Is he awake?" Itachi didn't let Sasuke reply. He walked over to me himself and turned me to face up by my shoulders. "What were you thinking?" He looked at me while he said it, but I knew that he was talking to Sasuke.

"I didn't know that he would be home so soon."

"Damn it, Sasuke!" Itachi snarled. Never in my life did I think that I would see the day that Itachi would be genuinely angry, let alone angry with Sasuke. I reached my hand to my face. It hadn't hurt so much before, but I put too much pressure on my cheeks and nose and a wave of pain washed over me. He looked over at Sasuke and spoke to him in German. He must have told Sasuke to come to him because Sasuke moved from his spot and sat down next to me. Itachi continued to talk to him in German, but his voice teetered on the line between talking and yelling. I imagined that Sasuke got angry like his father while Itachi got angry like his mother. There was no doubt in my mind that that man at the house had been their father.

My face hurt so badly. I regretted touching it. I had been getting hurt a lot lately, it seemed. Everybody wanted to hurt me. I wondered what I looked like, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to look at my reflection. It would not be worth it. I worried that it would not heal, not because I was concerned about how I looked, but because I wasn't healthy anymore. Usually my injuries healed quickly, but as I spend more time in the enclosure, my injuries have been taking longer and longer to heal, and even then, sometime they don't heal completely. I knew that I needed to leave that place, but where else could I go?

"Don't come to the house again."

"Oh, I'm sorry… What?" I hadn't known he was speaking to me.

"Don't ever come to the house again, Naruto," Itachi said, shaking me slightly. I felt like I couldn't understand him, as if he was trying to speak German to me.

"I… don't understand, Itachi…"

"If you come back to the house, you will be killed, even if I have to do it myself."

I couldn't blink my eyes. I couldn't think straight. Itachi would kill me?

"Itachi!"

"Don't "Itachi" me, Sasuke! You knew better!" Itachi spat. His face was hard. He looked at me for a few brief moments before turning away from me. Sasuke took his place in front of me and grabbed me by the shoulders so I could look him in the eyes. So many different things were coming at me through his eyes, but the biggest thing was I'm sorry.

He didn't have to worry so much. "I forgive you, Sasuke," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I'm not sure why I said that, but I knew deep down within myself that I meant it, but, at the same time, I couldn't help but feel stupid. I couldn't understand for the life of me why I continued to follow after Sasuke. One way or another, I was always being pushed away from him, and somehow, I always found myself crawling after him.

That familiar warmth was back over my mouth. I did my best to give something back to him, even though it wouldn't be much. Even though tears were welling up in my eyes, I refused to cry in front of him. I wouldn't cry this time. But, tears overflowed in his eyes and poured down his cheeks. I felt that I couldn't get close enough. He pulled away before we would need air. His eyes were so dark. His voice was clear and caressed my lips.

"Don't ever come back to the house."


	24. Give Me Your All. Give Me Your Warmth.

The warmth of Autumn didn't seem to last long. Winter was not far off and its beginnings brought bitter winds and grey skies. It wasn't long before its frozen tears began to fall to the Earth in the middle of the night. I knew because it had been a night where I could not sleep.

Sleep was something that I longed for more than I longed for food. I believed that if I could just get to sleep, everything would be okay. Time would pass by and I would be protected from the outside world by the defenses of sleep. A Jackboot could come up to me while I slumbered and murder me in cold blood and it would not matter, because sleep still protected me. I wouldn't have had to experience the fear and dread of knowing that my life would end. I would bypass the pain and continue to sleep and never wake up again. My crow, my angel in disguise, would come for me and show me whether Heaven existed or not. If I could get to Heaven, I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I wouldn't have to starve. I could be clean again and be happy again. I would dream of Heaven if sleep wouldn't elude me.

As the days became colder, I began to search for the warmth. I found that I no longer could fit the clothing I wore for last Winter; they were too short and wouldn't keep me warm enough. I kept them anyway because something was better than nothing. I would just layer on top of what I had. I went looking for pieces of clothing that would fit me and over the course of a few weeks I was able to stay warm enough. They warmth that the clothing gave didn't feel alive. It didn't give the promise of safety and better days. It didn't even give promise warmth. It was all empty. It was not the warmth I had been looking for. As I continued to wear the clothing and layer on new clothing I came across them, the warmth I had been seeking never came. It didn't wash over me like I kept expecting it to do, and I became irritable. I was sleep-deprived and angry and sad and I wanted to fight and cry and laugh all at the same time for no reason. I just wanted to find the warmth and even that was eluding me. The old man from Candy Mountain still marched about in the snow, still gathering up his forces of starved and slightly hopeful children and adults to prepare for this imagination land. I went up to him one day, pushing past the bony children and asked, "Does your Candy Mountain have the warmth?" but he just looked at me like I was crazy. He was the crazy one, preaching about his stupid Candy Mountain. "Of course!" he said. "You just need to follow me. I'll help you prepare for Candy Mountain, my dear boy." But I didn't believe him or his Candy Mountain. I knew that he didn't have the warmth.

"How is that you stay warm?" I said to Shikamaru one day. No one had spoken to him since Chouji died only because Shikamaru wouldn't respond. That was many months ago. It was the middle of Winter already. He didn't answer me. He didn't look at me. I stared at him for signs of shivering, but he didn't do such a thing. It made me jealous. "How the hell do you stay warm?" I dropped to my knees and shook him. Snow flew into his face and he blinked at me once. He didn't say anything, however, and I felt my patience bleed out into the snow. I stood up and before I could think, my foot drew back and kicked him in the ribs. He flipped over from the force only to drag himself back to his spot next to the grave. I spat at him. "He's dead, you stupid boy. He's not coming back."

Ending Note: *Sebastian is Naruto's name, but, for convenience and simplicity, I use the original Naruto names. Every Naruto character has a real name that I have assigned to them. They will be revealed at the end of the story.

The snow crunched as Shikamaru rolled onto his back and stared up at me. His hand cradled his ribs. "He is my warmth," he said and rolled back over. What a load of pure shit. His voice was shallow and hoarse and unpleasant and it made me angry to hear it.

"Bullshit, Shikamaru. You and Chouji are bullshit!" I screamed, kicking snow in his face. "The only warmth you have is your damn matches and cigarettes."

I spat at him again and walked away. I could hear him whisper to Chouji, "You are my warmth. You are my warmth," and as I turned to the house and pulled the door ajar, there was nothing but darkness in the house.

My eyes shot open.

A violent shiver quaked through me and shook the sleep away. Everything was white and cold. The brick wall stood in front of me a few meters away. I couldn't remember falling asleep or coming outside. It took a few more moments before I fully understood where I was. I turned my head to the left and saw Shikamaru lying in the snow next to the grave. He wasn't moving, not even to breathe. He wasn't speaking to Chouji anymore. His words had penetrated my head into my dreams. Had it been a dream? Had I really kicked Shikamaru and spat on him? I didn't want to know. I refused to move from the concrete steps to check his body. There would be a bruise on his ribs if I really had kicked him. His hand wasn't cradling his side, but it failed to give me the relief I was seeking. I couldn't have had attacked Shikamaru. Why would I do such a thing? I know I had anger in me, but I wouldn't dare take it out on somebody like that, especially Shikamaru. But, the more I thought about it the more I needed to check his ribs, if only for my sake.

"Shikamaru?" I called quietly. Shikamaru hadn't moved at all since I woke up, but also hadn't been too long since I'd woken up. He had just spoken to Chouji. He couldn't have fallen asleep that quickly. I called out his name again, and my voice became frantic the more I called. He wasn't answering me. He still didn't move, not even a little bit. Snow started to fall and the air became warmer, but only slightly. As time passed, snow had begun to pile upon Shikamaru and I couldn't deny it anymore. I couldn't bring myself to check. I didn't need to because I already knew.

According to Dr. Umino, it was the beginning of March. Spring wouldn't be here for another month. Dr. Umino had gone over months with me the last time I visited him, which had been the middle of February. Technically, he had told me, Spring started towards the end of March, but the Spring weather wouldn't come until April, sometimes as late as May, but that was rare. The month of March had rung a bell; I recognized them as Tenten and Sakura's birth month. Tenten was older than Sakura by a year and a few weeks.

As I laid a patch of snow near the wall, I thought about the visit.

"When is your birthday, Dr. Umino?" I had asked. He had pulled out a book called a calendar and turned to the page for May.

"My birthday's the twenty-sixth of May," he replied, pointing to the box with what I guessed was the number twenty-six. I immediately locked his birthday in my mind. Because I couldn't remember my own birthday, I made it a point to remember the birthdays of others. I had taken the calendar from his hands and looked at it briefly. I recognized the number one. It was at the top of the page.

"Chouji's birthday is the first of May," I had told Dr. Umino. "He was hanged during the Summer." Dr. Umino had made a soft 'oh' sound as I turned the pages. "Is this September?" I had asked, pointing to the word at the top of the page. He had shaken his head and turned it to the page for September. The other page had been for November, he had told me. "Shikamaru's birthday is the twenty-second of September," I had said, reciting the date from memory. I couldn't point to the appropriate number in the boxes because I didn't know my numbers very well. "He died a week ago in the snow. He was very sad that Chouji had died and wouldn't leave his grave." I had shaken my head sadly. "He had dug it in the backyard with a spade it took from the graveyard," I explained as I turned back to the page for November. "Chouji was his warmth." I had tapped my chest over where my heart was. Dr. Umino didn't say anything. He just let me talk, and I didn't mind that he didn't say anything. I felt that I would have exploded if he had interrupted me with stupid questions and comments. "Lee's birthday is the twenty-seventh of November. He is still alive and the oldest. I think he is twenty years old." I paused. "No, maybe he is older now… twenty… one? It's February now, so that means that Shino and Gaara had a birthday, and Lee is older than them by a year. Only Gaara is not twenty like Shino because he died at the end of the Summer. His crow, which I believe are angels in disguise, came and took him to Heaven. However," I had turned to Dr. Umino. There had been tears in his eyes, but didn't let them fall. He hadn't wanted to cry in front of me. "Shino doesn't believe in angels or Heaven." I had said as though it was a precious secret to be kept between Dr. Umino and me. "So, Gaara will be nineteen forever, I suppose." I flipped to the first page, which had to be January. "Gaara and Shino's birthday are close together. Gaara's is the nineteenth and Shino's is the twenty-third. And in July, Kiba's birthday is the seventh, and Sasuke's birthday is the twenty-third. It's like Shino's but in July."

I had closed the calendar and looked at Dr. Umino again. Maybe he had felt that he could say something then, and asked me when my birthday was. I felt that that had been a stupid question. "I don't have one," I had said immediately, not giving the statement a second thought. "If I did, it would be in Autumn because it's the prettiest season and the weather is perfect." I had set the calendar aside. "And no one has yet to die during Autumn."

A sudden cold and wetness shook me from my thoughts and I jumped up in panic. I looked around hurriedly, ready to run, but no one was around. Something dropped on my head again and I looked up. A bare tree hung above me, reaching over the wall from the other side. Its branches were full of pure snow and dropped a pile of it periodically. I turned around picked up my hat—it had fallen off when I sprang up—and stuffed all my hair under it. My hair especially stuck out among the whiteness of the world.

"Won't you eat something, Tenten?"

No response. Not even a blink of the eyes.

"Lee, she's not there anymore."

"She just needs to eat something, Naruto."

I shook my head. He was very naïve. "It doesn't matter. Everyone's leaving."

We were in the attic, and Lee was trying to get Tenten and Sakura to eat. They never left the attic and were very sickly. Lee talked to them often, but it was often very one-sided conversations. Very, very rarely, he would get a response out of Sakura, but Tenten never reacted. It was odd to think that these were girls that once laughed and joked and pulled pranks with me and on me. They were so full of energy and life, but not anymore. I often wondered what it was that took the very essence of life out of a person. While the girls seemed to have lost their life, Lee seemed to retain his life and his happiness. It seemed that he didn't let anything get to him, not even the violence of the Jackboots. He had been targeted and hurt by them many times, even having the top of his ear shot off and both of his pointer fingers broken, but his life and energy never seemed to break. I have seen it dim a little, but that fire that used to be in Sakura's eyes never went out in Lee's eyes. What kept Shino and Kiba going? The Jackboots had tormented them as well, but they seemed too determined to break down, especially Kiba. There were times when Shino was came close to just saying 'fuck it' and he was ready to give up, but Kiba was always able to bring him back from the edge. But, would there be a point where Kiba won't be able to pull Shino back, or Kiba won't be there anymore and Shino will allow himself to fall away?

"I don't think she's going to eat anything, Lee," I said, taking the piece of sausage from him. I walked downstairs to the food closet and put Tenten's ration back. Even when people stopped eating for whatever reason, we still made rations for them and set them aside. Tenten and Sakura had quite a pile of bits of sausage. Any vegetables and fruits that we had put aside for them were eaten within a day or two since those kinds of foods were perishable. It was only when someone left for good or died that we worked their rations into the rotation. We never gouged ourselves on their leftover rations; we ate them when we got to them, whether that was in a few days or in a few months.

Lee came down a few minutes later, sighing heavily. Sadness was all over his face and it didn't suit him. "What did you mean that 'everyone's leaving', Naruto?" he asked me. He stood next to me, peering into the food closet. "Where is everyone going?"

I couldn't have been the only one that had noticed it. Our group was rapidly shrinking. Even one of the lesser-known boys left. He walked out of the front door while I was lying on the floor trying to keep cool during the Summer and never came back. He could have been stomped out of existence by a Jackboot or found a way to escape and couldn't be bothered to come back and tell us about it. We would never know. All we knew was that he was gone, never to come back to us. We were starting to die, killed off by the conditions the Jackboots set up for us. It was amazing we've lasted even this long. Did they not realize that I could be caught at anytime smuggling? That if I were to be caught, I would be hanged just like Chouji, who happened to have been falsely hanged? He hadn't been smuggling, which the sign around his neck had accused him of doing. He had bumped into a girlfriend of a Jackboot, but not just any old Jackboot apparently. This Jackboot was of some kind of important rank and didn't like that some filthy Jew touched his whore. So he hung him, called him a smuggler so he had some justification. Gaara, while not directly harmed by the Jackboots, could have lived longer and in more comfort if he had access to a hospital to go to. His sickness could have had treatment, or at least the chance to get treated, but the Jackboots prevented that. The Jackboots were weeding us out. And Shikamaru couldn't live with his warmth, his source of hope.

I looked at Lee. He had become sallow, but that fire in his eyes kept him looking like himself. It kept a little muscle on his bones. He looked at me after a few moments, his face coloured with a soft sadness.

I shook my head. "It'd make you too sad, Lee, to know where everyone was going. Can I tell you later?" I asked, but it's more like pleading. He looked at me a moment more, and then nodded his head.

"I understand, Naruto."

He patted me on my shoulder and walked back towards the attic. I turned to close the closet door when it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know Itachi's birthday. I searched my memory. I knew I couldn't have forgotten it. No one had told me to begin with and I felt that this was a problem that needed to be rectified straightaway, but I could not go see the brothers. It would hurt them to know that I had been hardheaded and did not heed their warning in the first place.

I had found myself back at the house a month after they explicitly told me not to come back. I hadn't meant to go to the house; I was just on my usual route finding food and coal, which had become very hard to find. I decided to take a different alley from what I usually went down; it had been quite long and crowded with rubble and trash. I looted through some of it, taking things that I thought were interesting or useful, such as a can opener and a necklace with a heart-shaped jewel. When I finally came out of the alley, I had found myself across the street from the Uchiha household. I promptly turned about and started back into the alley, but I found that I couldn't just walk away. I wouldn't go past their gates, I had told myself as I crossed the street and leaned my face against the bars of the iron-wrought gate. I had stared at the house for such a long time that the sun had started to nudge at the horizon. I felt that that the house was empty. The house didn't contain any life inside. They were gone. When had the left? Were they safe? I had pushed my face through the bars, just my face and wondered for the briefest of moments whether I could live in the house, in just one corner of the house. I wouldn't disturb any other part of the house. I would stay in Sasuke's favourite place. I wouldn't touch the food unless absolutely necessary. I would still go out and scavenge for food and bring coal to the orphans. But as I thought about it, I decided that I wouldn't leave the house, not even to bring food and coal to the orphans. I would stay in the house and sleep. I would sleep so I wouldn't be hungry and, thus, I would conserve the food supply. I vowed to stay in one tiny corner of Sasuke's favourite room. However, I knew that I couldn't do it, that I wouldn't go through with it. They had told me not to come back. It had been bad enough that my face had been through their gate's bars. I had left a little after the sun had begun to peek over the horizon, and I had felt that someone had been watching me as I slinked back into the darkness of the alleyways.

Outside, the old man was close by, yelling out his mantra, "Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain! Follow me to find the Candy Mountain!"

I was hanging about near the main gate, not sure what to do with myself. It was sometime in the evening, the sun quickly making its way back to the horizon. I couldn't sleep again and I felt dangerous. I felt that I was asking for a Jackboot to shoot me and leave me dead on the ground. Such thoughts often crossed my mind; they didn't seem out of place among the many other thoughts racing through my mind at any given time. If anything, the humdrum, mundane thoughts seemed out of place when compared to the fantasy of a noble Jackboot shooting me in the face.

As I walked about, I kept my senses sharp. I was on guard, searching. There was one particular músor that I had taken a liking to tormenting. He was husky, hefty, and slow, and he was perfect for someone like me. He wasn't like Amichai, who went out of his way hunting for children. This músor, while he didn't kill mindlessly, if at all, didn't tolerate bratty children running about noisily and picking on him. He was quick to hush a group of children that somehow had the energy to play and be rowdy. He had a club just like all the músor, but he hardly ever touched it. Of course, with everything, there were exceptions and I was his exception.

I had come to know of him a long time ago, but it wasn't until recently that I had ever interacted with him and it was a wonder how I ever kept myself entertained until then. Messing with him was the greatest fun I had had in a very long time. He made me feel healthy and energized again. He made me feel real and human. And no matter what happened, I found myself coming back for more.

"Hey, fatso!"

The fat, dirty man didn't turn around, he only acknowledged me with a grunt. A moment later, I called him out his name again, and he answered me with, "Kuba." That was his name, but I didn't care about that.

"How are you today?" I said, on the brink of shouting. I stood next to him, and leaned against the wall after a short moment.

He didn't look at me still. That was something I had to fix. "Kid," was all he said to me. I knew he wasn't happy to see me. I hadn't bothered him a quite some time, and I was sure that he had been happy that I had been absent, but we both knew that he was due a visit.

"Akiva!"

"Hn."

"Akiva! Akiva!" I stomped the ground. "Look at me, Akiva!"

He didn't. "I'd appreciate if you'd stop calling me that, Kid. That not my name."

"Of course it is, A-KEE-VAH!" I punched every syllable. In a way, it was his name. 'Akiva' was his Jewish name. 'Kuba' was the Polish version. The Jackboots sometimes made fun of the Jews by calling out the Jewish version of their Polish names, making jokes out of them. I could never understand them or what made them funny, but the Jackboots even made fun of the músor and their names. I suppose it was a wonder how the Polish got 'Kuba' out of 'Akiva'. 'Akiva' sounded a lot better, in my opinion.

"No." The irritation was there. It was slight. Ever so slightly there.

I kicked the ground lightly. "When else would I ever get the opportunity to call you such a lovely name? I must take every chance I can get my dirty little hands on, Akiva." It was truly lovely. He would see it like I did if took some time to think about it.

"My Jewish name is not my name, Kid," he spat. He shifted in his position next to me. He was moving away from me. "What's yours, then?"

"'Sebastian'* doesn't have a Jewish equivalent, Akiva," I spat back. I wasn't actually sure if my name had a Jewish equivalent or not, but the few Jackboots that learned my name only had odd looks to give me, no Jewish name.

He didn't answer me nor did he look at me, but I could feel that I was wearing down on his patience. Honestly, he should have clubbed me dead already. I shifted to where our elbows were touching. He tensed, but didn't look my way. "Kid," he hissed in warning. He was making this difficult for the both of us. All he had to do was look at me for fuck's sake! Look at me! Look! I wanted to shout this in his face. The thrill of the danger was fading fast and I needed to fan it back to life. I leaned into him and pinched and twisted his skin as hard as I could, and I dug my nails into his fat. All he did was grunt and pushed me away from him, making me fall into the snow.

"You're being a damn bastard, Akiva. You're a filthy Jew. You take sick pride in that, don't you Akiva?"

"You're trying my patience, Kid," he acknowledged. Perfect.

I pulled myself up to my feet and walked away, edging along the wall until I found a large enough stone. It must have fallen from the top of the wall, where the Jackboots put barbed wire and broken glass. Sometimes, for those who climbed over the wall to get to the other side, people would throw their coats and sweep over the top of the wall to make the broken glass fall to the ground. Then they would put heavy stones on top of the barbed wire to hold it down so they could climb over. They would push the stone down when they were over and repeat the process when they would come back. Sometimes they didn't bother pushing it back down and left the stones there. The Jackboots never seemed to see that there were large stones that weren't originally there. Maybe they didn't care. Some people never came back, understandably. Some came back because they still had family on the inside. Most, however, came back against their will, more broken than when they left.

I waddled back to the fat man, the stone threatening to slip from my fingers and take me down to the ground with it. He was facing away from me now, watching as a bantam parade of Jackboots came through the gate. I began to spin around in small circles, heaving the stone as best I could. When I felt that I couldn't hang on any longer, I let it fly. It sailed beautifully in the air though it was a only a short distance, and it was magnificent when it crashed into the fat man's leg. The danger was blazing and my eyes were wide and my soul was happy as he yowled in pain. He turned to me and it took him an eternity to finally face me. His eyes crawled down to meet my own, and, my God, were they on fire. I felt a odd sensation in my gut as he reached for his club; I wasn't sure if it was fear or excitement. Maybe it was both. I don't think he even realized that he had the club in his hand then, his knuckles turning white around the handle. "You little—"

I wouldn't know what he could have called me. Sweet pain radiated through my body, accompanied with a pretty sounding crack as his club connected with the side of my head. He hit me again in the chest and again and again, over and over everywhere, and a part of me screamed at me to try and escape, but that wasn't what I wanted, so I ignored that part of me. He could hurt me all he wanted. This definitely wasn't the first time he beat me senseless. And somehow, over time, we both came to the understanding that this wouldn't be the last time he would see me. I would come back to him again, and I would so something drastic where he wouldn't be able to control himself, and before anyone could think the beginnings of another thought, his club would be married to my body in the most beautiful, the most divine display of rage; rage not just directed at me, but at the Jackboots and the enclosure and shortage of food and water and the entire world and Heaven. We raged together against everything: the flowers that hadn't bloomed and the babies that weren't born yet and the elderly that hadn't died yet. We raged against the newly recruited Jackboot that we may never meet and the country of Poland and the countries of Germany and Russia and Washington America. We raged, together, as one, against ourselves and the other unfortunate Jews of the Warsaw ghetto and against Hitler and Himmler and all their followers, and against our futures and our pasts and the present.

He beat me bloody, and I could tell that he was sorry, and I wished he wouldn't have had felt sorry. No one stopped him. They only looked on and wondered if I would live to see the end of the day. He walked away, refusing to say anything to me and I saw another body tower over me. My vision was blurring and I hoped that it was a Jackboot that would be willing to shoot me dead. Usually, I would just lie in the snow, unmoving, until I would muster up the strength and energy to pick myself up and inch my way back to the house, where I would experience the best sleep I felt I would ever get while my body attempted to put itself back together again.

Suddenly, I felt guilty. My ears were picking up on something, something being said about me, but I couldn't make sense of it in my mind. My body responded anyway, not willing to wait for my mind to catch up and I felt guilty. I tried to shake my head back and forth in attempt to clear my vision, but it didn't improve and I began to feel desperate.

"I can't believe he did that to himself."

"I can't look at him. Please…"

"Is he some kind of masochist?" a voice said as it bent down and touched me in various places on my body. I was in so much pain that his touches didn't affect me. My mind was still reeling. What was a 'masochist'?

.

.

.

"What are we supposed to do? Deportations are going to begin soon."

What was going on? I tried to move, but my body wasn't responding, and I couldn't see. Were 'deportations' and 'masochist' similar words? How much time had passed? I felt warm, and the waves of sleep weren't far off. I couldn't tell if I had fallen asleep or if I was on the verges of sleep. I loved this state of consciousness, and I knew I craved it. If having the fat man beat me within an inch of my life was the only way to get to sleep, then I would have him beat me every single day. The voices came in and out and I either fully understood them or their words were complete garbage to my ears. I reached out, longing to touch the gentle waves of sleep, and they caressed my hand, slowly moving up my arm and soon consumed my entire body. I think I felt a kiss upon my mouth, and it was the Angel of Sleep and it smiled ever so sweetly as it swallowed me whole.

Where did time go? Time went on without me, pushed me outside of its flow so that I could only observe it from the outside. The beginnings of Spring showed itself the few times I could recall even looking out of the window. Tenten passed with the melting of the snow, and even though her crow couldn't come, it came in spirit and led her to Heaven. I'm only sorry that I was lost in sleep, chasing down the Angel of Sleep so that it could continue to caress me, and missed her passing.

I could only remember bits and pieces between the day the fat man beat me and the day I came back to the surface. There had been times where I had been awake, moving around, but I wasn't really there. The Angel of Sleep still had me in his wraps, whispering in my ear that everything would be okay soon and that I should go back to sleep. I could do nothing but listen to him; he had me in his absolute control. There had been other times where I was basked in unconditional warmth, and I knew it could only be Sasuke. Only Sasuke had the warmth, but I hadn't wanted to admit it a long time ago, when I had been searching aimlessly for the it. I had wanted to hate Sasuke and love him and fight him and be happy with him all at the same time, and perhaps I could do all of those things, but I would have to wake up first, wouldn't I? During those times, I hadn't wanted to wake up. I wasn't ready, and I knew he understood, and he let me sleep and protected me in my vulnerable state with his warmth. He kept me alive with his warmth, and I understood then, as things were changing outside this house, as Spring warded off Winter with its kindness and the dirt gave birth to young flowers over Chouji and Shikamaru's graves, that Chouji's warmth had run out that day, that it couldn't keep Shikamaru on Earth anymore. It had been time for Shikamaru to go back to Chouji, where his warmth would be there forever.

It seemed that things were getting better, slowly but surely.

It was early in the day, and I made my way down to the ground floor. I took a piece of sausage from the food closet and a small sip from the snow water in the various pots and buckets we keep our drinking water in. As I walked out, I noticed that the back door was ajar. I went to go close it, but I saw the top of Sasuke's head from out of the window. He was sitting on the top step, staring at the graves. I stepped outside and plopped down next to him. He acknowledged my presence with an 'hn' without looking away. We sat together in unstressed silence for many moments. Time seemed to flow interrupted and unrushed and I didn't feel pressured or awkward.

Sasuke spoke eventually, "When did he pass?" He even so slightly nudged toward Shikamaru's grave. Shino had dug it the day after Shikamaru passed. It had taken almost the entire day to dig to a good depth because the ground had been partially frozen. Shikamaru and Chouji now lay next to each other, the budding flowers eating gradually away at their bodies to nourish themselves.

"At the end of February," I said. I wondered how flowers could stand to grow in such a place as this. "He wouldn't leave Chouji's grave for anything, and he died lying in the snow." As I spoke, I remembered that he and Shikamaru had been friends, probably for a lot longer than I knew. Shikamaru helped Sasuke and his family when they needed it, risking his life and his relationship with Chouji to do it. They must have been really close friends. Sasuke didn't get to say goodbye to Shikamaru.

I remembered that Sasuke had tried to talk to Shikamaru, before he and I left to go to his house, but Shikamaru didn't even talk to him. I suppose I was the last one to hear Shikamaru's voice before he died. I decided that I wouldn't tell anyone about it.

"I don't know where my family is," Sasuke said abruptly. He didn't look at me. It was like he was trying to get Shikamaru to listen to the words coming out of his mouth. I wanted to tell him that I understood, but that Shikamaru wouldn't be able to hear him. "My mother wasn't home when we got back that day. My father was there, but he wouldn't tell me where she went. She's wherever she is, alone." His voice was coloured with shades of spite. I said nothing, and he kept going. "My father left next, but that was to be expected. He left right on schedule. Then it was only Itachi and I left in the house for a month. Even the housekeepers left." He looked at me then. I stared at him, and I wasn't sure if he was expecting me to reply. There was nothing for me to ask, nothing for me to say. Everyone was leaving; let it be by means of death, walking away, some mode of transportation. The time would soon come where Sasuke and I would have to leave as well. The only question was whether we would be able to leave together. A few moments passed and I found in my mouth something to say.

"Itachi's gone, too, then?"

And Sasuke shook his head, but then looked a little unsure. "I'm not sure really. I left before he could leave. I'm sure he's not at the house anymore."

"Why did you leave the house? You're not safe here, Sasuke," I said. Why would anyone come here willingly like that? Sasuke was not a Jew. He didn't have any business here.

"I cannot sit back and watch you die in here, Naruto," he said with a sense of urgency, and he grabbed me by the shoulders, which still ached a little. "I don't know why, but I couldn't stay at the house any longer. I had to come here. It felt right. It feels right being here with you, right now, in this moment." His voice was quiet and serious, and I found that I couldn't fully understand everything he was saying.

"That's just stupid, Sasuke," I said, shaking my head. He looked incredulous. "Seriously, how stupid can you get?" I barked out a single laugh that turned into a small coughing fit. "You should have stayed in the house. You need to understand that you will die here. This place rips the life out of you only to stomp, piss and spit on it. Our lives don't matter to the Jackboots. And if you choose to be a part of us, trying to blend in with the rest of us Jews, they will do the same to you, and I don't want to see that happen to you Sasuke." I grabbed his chin so that I could look him in the eyes. A determination, certain energy smoldered within Sasuke's eyes, and I knew then that I wouldn't be able to change his mind. He was going to stay in here with me even if he ends up a lifeless shell of what he used to be. I couldn't understand why Sasuke would do such a thing, but as I sat next to him, his body heat radiated from him, but the warmth that I felt from him in that moment was the same warmth that protected me in my sleep. That unconditional warmth that lets me know that things will get better even though things are looking dim and hopeless now.

Later on that night was my first time smuggling in what seemed to be a very long time, and as I passed the various bodies that had been hung and wore signs that let the world know that they were smugglers, massive and monstrous beasts came down the steel pathways outside the walls of the enclosure. They rumbled and groaned like starving, vicious dogs waiting to be fed.

Things were not getting better after all.

The trains had come.


	25. The Innocent Sun and the Guilty Moon

For the past few weeks, all eyes, all ears, all thoughts were directed towards the train station. Massive black metal monsters sat on the tracks, fuming blackest of smoke in to the clearing sky. As I sat on a pile of ruble with Kiba near the station, I feared that the smoke would clog up the skies, and the sky wouldn't be able to turn blue anymore. But the sky seemed to be fine for now. Maybe the angels were fighting the smoke away.

I was supposed to be distracting Kiba and keep his mind on other things. It was possible that Akamaru wouldn't live to the end of the day; he had been sick for a few weeks and refused to eat. We all thought that Kiba would be obsessing and just everywhere, but he's been unusually quiet and calm about the whole ordeal. Shino's worried that he's going to burst suddenly and without warning. Kiba and Akamaru had been though many things together, and apparently, Kiba had had him since he was very little. While the whole situation with being in the enclosure without any food and a way to keep clean most certainly isn't helping, it could be that Akamaru is suffering from old age. He had always been really playful, but even before the Jackboots came, Akamaru had been showing signs of old age. I'm not sure what Kiba is going to be like when Akamaru actually dies. I would never tell Kiba, but I hoped that Akamaru would pass on. The enclosure undoubtedly hadn't been a place for Akamaru, and I thought for a long time that it had been cruel to keep Akamaru alive for all that time. He didn't have anywhere to run and exercise. He couldn't even go outside to simply use the bathroom for fear of the Jackboots killing him or someone stealing him away so that they would have something to eat that night.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked Kiba, fumbling with a piece of brick in my fingers. I knew that wasn't keeping his mind off Akamaru at all, but what was the point in avoiding it? Things were always more devastating when they were avoided. Kiba looked over at me, sort of surprised that I mentioned Akamaru. Everyone else had been evading the issue, not wanting to hurt Kiba. But weren't they hurting him by not mentioning it?

He stared at me for another moment, and then nodded his head, something I hadn't seen coming. "It's about time he's taken his rest," Kiba said, kicking at a few crumbled bricks. "It's hard, you know? Letting him go," he said, his voice steadily wilting into a whisper. I wanted to shake my head and tell him no, I do not understand. I don't think I ever had to let anything go. I wasn't sure if I even knew what that meant. Because I couldn't relate to him, I continued to fumble with my piece of brick, waiting for him to continue, if he decided to do so. I was fine sitting in the silence, watching the black train sit on the other side of the wall like it belonged there. It matched the scenery and the surroundings, but at the same time, it looked completely out of place. I marked that up to it being a new addition to the enclosure. It would look as if it had been there the entire time by sunset.

Kiba hadn't had anything else to say by time the sky started to dim, and we made our way back to the house in silence. As we approached the house, I could see Sasuke sitting in the window, napping. It was the perfect place, too. The front of the house was in complete shade, with the sun hitting the back of the house, and, since we figured out how to open that particular window, there was a nice, easy breeze coming right through, cooling the whole ground floor. Sasuke's knees were drawn up to his chest and his arms lay crossed on top of them. His head leaned against the inside of the window frame, rolled to the side where I could see his face. A dark string had been tied together at the ends to make a loop and it drew his hair back from his face. His hairline dipped down at the peak of his forehead and rose again gently on both sides. Kiba and I reached the door, and I could see that his face was lightly coloured from the heat of the day. He looked peaceful and untroubled, and I found that the more I looked at his face, the more unsettled I became. Looking at his face became too much for me and I ran through the door past Kiba and up to the attic. The steps of the wooden pull down ladder squeaked horribly.

Even though I was still awake, I said nothing when Sasuke eventually came up to the attic and lied down beside me, his back to mine. I waited until I heard the familiar rhythm of sleep in his breathing to look over my shoulder at him. I scooted until my back was completely against his back. We never slept facing each other.

A few days later, early in the morning, I sat in the windowsill, the breeze feeling welcome against my face. Shino came to sit next to me and we watched the sun climb over the horizon in a distinctive silence. Sometimes a gunshot would sound throughout the enclosure, but screams and crying could always be heard. It was so common that I would feel off if there weren't any screaming serving as the background music of my days. The days when I used to live according to my own pace, back when I lived in my cellar, seemed so far away. They felt like unattainable dreams and not actual memories that had once been true. The Naruto that lived in the orange cellar was not I. That was another boy that I knew only because we had one thing in common: we were thieves determined to live. Only that boy had been lucky enough to not be mistaken for a Jew and he was able to continue his life at his pace. I was not lucky, and I looked around for him sometimes when I went out at night to smuggle.

Shino shifted next to me, and I heard the words come out his mouth, but it was as if he hadn't said anything at all. The news didn't surprise me, and I sat unmoved next to him. Akamaru passed in the wee hours of the morning, but all I could say to that was 'oh'. What had Shino wanted me to do with that information? There had been nothing I could have done, before or after. I suppose that, when I managed to slow my mind down long enough to think about it, he was just letting me know. Maybe he hadn't expected me to react or reply beyond 'oh'. He would be disappointed if he did expect more from me.

Kiba took Akamaru's passing a lot better than we all expected and the day passed to the next without much of a disturbance. I had wanted to walk around with Sasuke, but all he had wanted to do was sleep. "Tomorrow," he had said, and I had nodded in reply. Then tomorrow came, and he was still sleeping. It reminded me of when he had been sleeping in the cellar, so I didn't disturb him. But after the fourth day of just sleeping, I started to worry.

Shino and I walked the length of the Panska Street, where there weren't as many vendors about yelling about their fresh cat meat that was really skinned rats charred to a black crisp. As we reached the end and turned around to make another trip down, I caught a glimpse of the fat man. But as I turned again to call out to him, he was gone. I stood confounded as I looked about. How could a fat man like him move so quickly?

"Naruto," Shino called. I looked back at him, and though I couldn't see his eyes, I felt that he was looking right through me. I wanted to cover myself, but there wasn't anything around, and my hand and arms could hardly suffice. It was as if he knew that I was mad at Sasuke. How could he come lie in your face and sleep so effortlessly, right Naruto? How dare he come in here and throw himself at the Jackboots when you had been dragged in against your will? He was able to get up and leave. He doesn't have connections to this place like you do, right Naruto? My eyes stung and I looked down to the ground. My feet were bare and dirty.

"Come here. Let's keep walking."

Shino and I walked up and down the street again without saying another word. I didn't let the tears fall, and it wasn't until we walked up and down the street again that Shino said something.

"Sasuke is avoiding you."

That shocked me. "What?"

We reached the end of the street, paused for a moment, and then started back down the street. "He's not feeling right about something," Shino said. He tapped his chest, and then he tapped his head. "Something's seriously bothering him, and he can't bear to face you about it." I didn't know what to say. What could I do about this? If Sasuke didn't want to tell me and wanted to try to sleep it away, there wasn't much I could do about that. He was a very stubborn bastard, if anything. We were halfway down the length of the street. A vendor shouted to us his lies. A músor swatted at me because I had eyed a skewered rat a moment too long.

"I don't know Sasuke too well," Shino continued. "Shikamaru had definitely known him a lot better than I did, but I do know him enough to notice when he's not being himself, and right now, it is undeniable that he is not himself." Shino looked at me for a brief moment while we turned around yet again. I caught sight of the fat man again, but this time, he was farther away. "Sleep is a powerful thing, don't you agree, Naruto?" He disappeared from view behind the buildings as we passed the corner and continued down the street.

I looked up at Shino. "Naturally." I hated that he knew. He only smirked at my response.

"If sleeping could make it all go away, I would sleep forever. I think everyone would," he said, his voice coming out a bit softer than before. Far in the distance, I could see angry, grey storm clouds. The sky above me, however, was still a happy blue, oblivious to the enclosing chaos. "Unfortunately, waking life will always come to bring you back to the surface, even when you're not ready to come back."

We reached the end of the street again and stopped. We looked toward the direction of the house. "I guess I'll have to stand in for waking life and bring Sasuke back, won't I?" Shino barked out a short laugh before covering his mouth with his hand. It was always interesting to hear Shino laugh, for it was something he didn't do very often, if at all. Kiba, Lee, and I were the laughers. We joked and did silly things to make each other laugh. We laughed even when we didn't feel like laughing, if it meant that we wouldn't cry. I suppose Shino laughed with us during those times in his own way, though his brief smiles and smirks, but even he needed to actually laugh every now and again. Though, it seemed, that he laughed at the expense of others, namely my naivety. I didn't understand what was funny about waking up Sasuke, but I thought it probably had to do with how I said it.

When we reached the house, Sasuke was sitting in the windowsill again. His face was turned away from me this time, so I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not. I closed the door behind me and went to the food closet. I took out couple pieces of sausage and went over to Sasuke. He wasn't sleeping.

"Sasuke?" I said, bring my face close to his. It seemed to take him a moment to register that I was speaking to him, and his dark eyes moved from the floor to my face. "Do you want a piece of sausage?" I held out the sausage for him to take. His eyes didn't leave my face and he didn't take the sausage from my hand. It was as though he was trying to relay something to me through his eyes. Unfortunately, I wasn't getting the message. He would have to speak to me with his voice. I nudged him gently. "You should eat. It's important to eat when you can. Food is hard to come by, you know." When I said it like that, he looked sorry and took the sausage. As he nibbled away at the piece, I looked out the window, my chin resting on his drawn up knees. It was pretty outside for what it was. My mind drifted to what I would like to find during my trip tonight. There were a few places on the other side of the wall where vegetables and fruits grew despite the circumstances. They were a bit spread apart but it would be worth it if it meant fresh food for a change. It was also best to hit these places before they became heavily raided, for I wasn't the only smuggler in the enclosure. I turned my head a bit to look at Sasuke. He had finished his piece of sausage and looked back at me. "Do you want to come out to smuggle with me tonight?"

He stared at me for a moment, and then nodded his head. He looked out the window and said, "Sure. I need to get out the house."

I straightened up and walked back to the food closet to shut the door. As I walked over to the ladder, I called back to Sasuke, "That's good. As much as you've been sleeping, you should be quite alert tonight." He snorted, and bit out a 'dobe'. I couldn't help but laugh.

Later on in the day, as the top of the sun dipped below the horizon, I led Sasuke out the back door and handed him a sack. We moved along the wall behind the newly grown in hedges. We passed up a few holes in the wall, but tonight, I was looking for a particular hole. I had been working on it since Sasuke came to stay in the enclosure. He wasn't as small as me or as thin, and he wouldn't be able to squeeze himself through the wall if the situation called for it. The hole was a little ways from the house, but I knew several ways to get to it. The location was perfect, for it led to a thick hedge on the other side of the wall, so he would be able to crawl out without being seen from either side of the wall. Soon, we came to it and I marveled briefly at my work. It was an extra brick wider, making the hole three bricks across. I took out the middle brick in the row above to make more room for his head and left the other two bricks on either side in place. It wouldn't have been a good idea for me to make it any bigger than what I did already. I buried the bricks nearby in case I needed to close up the hole again.

I got down onto my back and pulled myself though the hole. I checked for any patrolling Jackboots, then I called Sasuke's name softly and he came through the hole, his head fitting perfectly though the wider part of the hole. He had to squeeze his shoulders inward to fit through the rest of the hole, though. But he got through okay enough. I took him by the hand as I led me from out the hedges to the other side of the street and into the nearest alleyway. The moon was very full and round, and it moved higher and higher into the sky, making the shadows shrink until they would be barely hugging the caster like a second skin. We continued along, moving in the dwindling shadows and avoiding the moonlight. I walked at as brisk a pace I could manage without tiring myself out completely. I wished I had remembered that there would be a full moon or else I wouldn't have taken Sasuke with me. It was harder to smuggle during the full moon, especially with two people sticking close together.

Sasuke didn't say much as we walked along, and he kept the pace pretty well, probably better than what I was keeping. Our first stop came into view and I quickly turned down a narrow alley. I had to let go of Sasuke's hand so I could push myself through and soon we came out of the other end. Before us stood a few garbage tins and a low, gated window. I pulled at the bars, and after a few tugs, it finally gave way and I fell backward, the gate firmly in my hands. I back on my feet within seconds and I set the gate next to the window.

"You go in first. The window swings from the top of the sill, so just push your way through the window," I whispered to Sasuke. He went in feet first and I followed him with the gate in my hands. I pulled it in so that it was loose in its seal.

"Where are we?" Sasuke asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked around, and I looked with him as though it was my first time in here, too.

"A food cellar," I said, going behind some crates. "A lot of the crates are empty, but there's still quite a bit of food left." I went to the back of the cellar to a crate that I frequented whenever I came here. Inside, there were a few jars of preserved fruits. The jars were much too heavy and too big around to carry out the cellar, so sometimes, I would find smaller jars and bring back some fruits. Unbroken jars were hard to come by, however, so I didn't get to bring back these kinds of things often.

I beckoned Sasuke over to the crate and unscrewed on of the tops. "Do you like peaches?" He nodded and I handed him a slice. He inspected it briefly before putting it in his mouth. His eyes widened slightly.

"It's brandy."

"Brandy? I thought they were peaches."

"The liquid is brandy, an alcoholic drink. These peaches have been preserved in brandy."

I thinned my eyes at him. "How do you know that? I though alcohol was only for adults, Sasuke." That was what Shikamaru had told me. Never drink, Naruto, that's what he said. Then he had stuffed an apple soaked in rum in my mouth.

He shrugged at me and grabbed another peach. I got one for myself and shut the jar. Sasuke reached around me and opened one of the other jars—Mm! This one's rum—and I walked to the other end of the cellar to a crate where arms of sausage were stored. Someone else must have already been in the main crate because there were only two arms left. I took them and stuffed them into my sack. I made my rounds, picking up a potato, a radish, and an apple. There used to be a crate full of various candies that I used to pick from every now and again, but that had long gone. There wasn't much left in the cellar, and I tried not to take too much for fear of the person who owned the cellar locking it down to keep smugglers away. I often wondered if they knew that smugglers frequented this place.

I made my way back to Sasuke, picking up some packs of cigarettes for Shino. Sasuke was sitting on top of a crate, finishing off a tomato. He ran his sleeve against his mouth and turned to me. "They only had one tomato in this crate," he said, pointing to the crate he was sitting on. "It was fresh."

"Harvesting time must be close for the tomato patches," I mused, pulling on Sasuke arm. He hopped down from the crate and we crawled back through the window. I put the grate back in place and we darted from shadow to shadow, our feet quiet on the pavement.

"First we have to drop this arm of sausage off at the orphanage," I said, turning down into another alleyway. "I don't find a lot of food anymore, but I always give them what I can."

"Why do you do that for?" Sasuke asked as we stopped in the shadow of a tall resident building. The orphanage wasn't far from the building. The question didn't sound like he was being condescending, but more curious than anything.

"Why do I give food to the orphans? Isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"I suppose, but food is scarce as it is, and you don't have much food as it is, either."

"I help who I want to help, even if all I can give is a onion, I will give it to them. They have helped me, so I am helping them."

We raced across the street and ran until we reached the orphanage. I climbed on top of the wooden box Dr. Umino put out for me and dropped the arm of sausage through the window. I jumped down and grabbed Sasuke's hand.

"Let's go."

Back into the alleyways we went. When we got to the streets, we dodged crater holes and evaded patrolling Jackboots and crumbled buildings until we came to the beginnings of an open field. I led Sasuke into the young stalks of corn. "There's a tomato patch on the other side of this field," I said, pushing the stalks away as we navigated our way through the field. "I don't really like tomatoes, but I eat whatever I can get my hands on."

As the tomato patch came into view, a memory came into my mind. Sasuke and I had been sitting at the table and Sasuke's mother came into the dining room with a plate of assorted vegetables and fruits. They had been cut into various shapes and arranged to be appealing to the eye. But only the tomatoes had been left uncut. They had sat in the middle of the large plate, beads of water rolling down its surface. Sasuke had grabbed one almost immediately and bit into it, juice dribbling down his chin. He had had the most satisfying look on his face; he ate tomato after tomato until he had ate them all. I picked at everything else, eating mostly the strawberries and pumpkin.

"Sasuke!" his mother had cried. "You didn't save any tomatoes for Naruto?"

I had only understood my name, so Sasuke had turned to me and asked me if I had wanted any tomatoes in the first place. I caught on that she had been scolding Sasuke for eating all the tomatoes, and I had shaken my head no.

"I don't care for them," I had said, and Sasuke had turned back to his mother to tell her so. She just sighed and rolled her eyes and walked back to the kitchen with the plate.

Itachi had walked in a moment after. He had squatted next to me and whispered to me, "He's going to turn red if he keeps this up. Don't you think so, too, Naruto?"

Sasuke had shot us both a glare, and Itachi and I couldn't contain our laughter. I was sure that we had been imagining the same thing in our minds: a red-skinned Sasuke with green hair, getting rounder and rounder by the moment. "If he keeps it up after he already turns red," I had snickered, poking Sasuke in the arm. "He'll definitely turn into an actual tomato!"

"Har-har," Sasuke had grumbled picking up his book and holding it up directly in front of his face, his elbows resting on the tabletop.

A jab in my side pulled me from my memories to find Sasuke munching on a tomato. "Are you okay? You kind of spaced out there," Sasuke said after he swallowed his bite. In his other hand he held another tomato. It was bright red and plump. "Do you want one?" he asked, holding it out to me. I shook my head. I wasn't so hungry that I would succumb to eating a tomato just yet.

Sasuke filled a good portion of his sack with ripe tomatoes and we wandered back into the cornfield and sat down while Sasuke ate yet another tomato and I picked a few things of corn. We ate in a comfortable silence, and it seemed, in that moment, that nothing at all was wrong in the world. I looked over to Sasuke; he was looked up to the sky. The stars couldn't be seen because of the brightness of the moon. The light of the moon downed out the light of the stars. It was as if the moon had absorbed all the light from all the stars, even from the stars that barely gave off a shine, to become whole for this one night. Then, over the course of a few weeks, it would gradually give the stars back their light and the cycle would repeat again. It made me wonder where the sun got all its light. There were no stars during the day. I nudged Sasuke and asked him, "Where does the sun get its light?"

Sasuke cocked his head to the side just a bit, pondering my question. He put the last piece of tomato in his mouth and wiped his sleeve across his mouth again. His dark eyes seemed to glow with the moonlight, as he looked me over, and it seemed that he didn't know whether to take my question seriously or not. I guess I needed to help him understand.

"The moon gets its light from the stars, see?" I said, pointing upward to the sky where the moon sat right above us. "There aren't any stars because the moon have borrowed their light." I put hand down, but continued to look upward. "But the there aren't any stars during the day, so I was wondering where the sun got its light from."

I looked back to Sasuke, and he opened his mouth as though to speak, but nothing came out. My brows furrowed. Was there something I wasn't getting? "Sasuke," I said seriously. "Is something wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. His eyes widened slightly and he looked down to the ground.

I shook him slightly. "Sasuke, what's wrong?"

"I lied to you, Naruto," he said, his voice still coming out as a whisper. His slipped his hands inside his sleeves and balled up the fabric. "My father sent my mother and Itachi back to Germany and made me stay here in Warsaw so he could put me in the ghetto himself. 'You dare bring a Jew into this household? You want to be around the Jews that badly? You want to be a Jew?' he had said, and he pushed me through the gates of the ghetto," he said. He wouldn't look up at me.

"Sasuke…"

"Then I saw you, Naruto," he continued. "I saw you, just to my left, not even two meters away, being beat within an inch of your life. And I did nothing but sit there and watch. I couldn't get my body to move to save you." His voice came up quiet and rushed. I shook my head. There was no way that Sasuke had been there, had seen what I inflicted upon myself. But he didn't know that I had wanted what the fat man had given me: the gift of sleep. "Your blood stained the snow, and I did nothing to stop it."

I tried to shake my head to try to stop the realization from forming in my head, but there was no way I could deny it, that it had been Sasuke's voice that I heard when the fat man walked away. He hadn't been able to stand to look me. Had it truly been out of guilt, or had he been able to see it for what it really was, and didn't want to admit it to himself?

I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want Sasuke to continue to blame himself for something I had wanted in the first place. "Sasuke," I said, unable to get my voice come out higher than a whisper. "Do you know where… where the sun gets its light from?"

His eyes left the ground and found a place in my own, and we stayed like that for many moments and no moments at all. Somewhere in those moments, his voice came and reached across a distance I hadn't known was there. "The sun makes its own light, because it is a star," Sasuke said, nodding his head slightly. "The moon is but a rock in the sky and needs to borrow its light, but the sun is better than that, and doesn't need to rely on anything else.

You are the sun, Naruto. You lend out your light to us worthless rocks without a second thought, and we don't appreciate it enough. I don't appreciate it enough." I could see in his eyes that something began to burn and harden. "I can't let you die here, do you understand me?" he said, grabbing me by the shoulders. "You will not die by their hands, Naruto. I won't let it happen. You're too good for that. What have you ever done to anyone but give to them a part of your innocence?"

"Sasuke, do you feel guilty that I live in the enclosure?" I asked, pushing his arms down from my shoulders. His eyebrows furrowed upward and his mouth hung open slightly. "It could never be your fault that I'm in there, Sasuke."

"Yes, but I will never forgive myself if I don't do something to help you survive that place."


	26. Kisses

He grabbed my hand. "Come on, Naruto."

"What are we doing?"

Sasuke and I were outside in one of the many courtyards in the enclosure. It had been two days since we had gone to the tomato patch and cornfield, and Sasuke didn't sleep all day anymore. I slept better because he was getting back to normal, but sleep still didn't come to me as easily.

The courtyards were fairly large and it was where the children often played. They weren't paved like the streets, just large, dirt lots. Sasuke and I had to walk a ways from the house to get to the courtyards because the house was toward one of the edges of the enclosure, and the courtyards were a part of the flats, which were nearly on the other side of the enclosure. I had to lead Sasuke to them. "Are there any open spaces in here?" he had asked me when I had woken up. He had been propping himself up on his elbow, facing me, waiting for me to wake. He had been reading one of Shino's few German books.

We stood at the end of the courtyard. "We're going to play a game," he said, letting go of my hand. He walked a few steps in front of me, a sly smirk playing on his lips. He ran his left hand through his hair, and suddenly, my body urged me to step back away from Sasuke. But he had been smart and had positioned me to stand mere inches from the wall of the building. His right hand shot out at me, lightly pushing me back by the chest. "Tag. You're it." And before I could even begin to react, his lips were upon mine, quick and slightly acidic. He must have eaten a tomato before coming here. "Come and catch me if you can, Naruto," he taunted as he drew back and jogged away from me. I wanted to sprint after him and tag him as hard as I could, but that wouldn't be a good idea in the long run; I would tire out too quickly.

I took a deep breath and started at an easy jog after Sasuke, whose smirk only got bigger and his jog quickened. I hastened my pace and soon we were running up and down and all around the courtyard. He would dodge me and run past me just as I thought I had cornered him. He was quick on his feet and had a lot of energy. I hadn't run in so long and it was obvious within the first ten minutes of playing; my muscles ached already and my lungs burned, but I was determined to catch Sasuke.

We were at it again. He purposely stayed close to me, always just out of arms reach. It seemed that if my arms would be just a hair longer, I would be able to tag him.

"Can't tag me, can you?" Sasuke teased as he jumped back from my reach yet again. I felt a growl in my throat and I lunged at him, my hands planted in his chest, pushing him down to the ground. He held his head up to keep it from hitting the ground, his eyes wide.

"Tag. You're it," I said, panting and smiling. Every muscle in my body burned, and it hurt to breathe, but it was worth it to have caught Sasuke finally. But Sasuke had a triumphant look on his face, and I didn't understand why. I tagged him. He shouldn't look like that. "What?"

He tapped his smirking lips with his finger. "You didn't kiss me."

"No, but I tagged you," I said, moving my fingers against his chest for emphasis. It laboured lightly for breath.

"That's true, but this isn't your normal game of tag."

My eyes widened. "I have to kiss you to tag you?"

"So you're still it," he said. He tried to roll me off of him, but I pushed him back down. He wasn't getting away that easily. I lowered my face to his, my eyes level with his. They were so dark that I couldn't tell what colour they were, especially with my head blocking out the sunlight. I went in for the kiss, but Sasuke turned his head away from me, and I ended up kissing his cheek. I knew he wouldn't take that as a tag, and his smirk proved that. Every time I went to kiss him, I kissed everything but his lips. Sasuke was clearly enjoying this, and I felt very resolute about winning this.

"Sasuke!" I said, exasperated. I leaned backward a bit and he turned his head towards me, his eyebrows arched upwards, a smile playing at the edge of his lips, and I saw my chance. I rushed toward his face, holding the sides of his head with both of my hands and planted my lips onto his. Finally! "Tag. You're it," I said against his lips, smiling. Sasuke reached up and worked his fingers into my hair. It wasn't as knotted as usual; Shino combed through my hair every few days. It also helped keep the number of lice down, though we couldn't get rid of them completely. His nails raked against my scalp, his thumbs massaged my temples and he pulled me closer to him, his tongue running over my lips. It pushed lightly at my lips and I parted them to let him inside. He tasted just like tomatoes, and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. He ran his tongue over my teeth and sucked on my tongue and it made me groan in his mouth. He smiled and rolled over so that he was on top of me and broke the kiss.

We gasped for breath as we gazed at each other, smiles all over our faces. My mind was full of Sasuke and I almost missed his comment about how bad of a kisser I was. I could only laugh. "It's not my fault. I've never kissed anyone before," I said, running my hands up and down his chest. I felt that I had to keep touching him; I couldn't get enough of him.

"So I'm your first?" Sasuke asked, another triumphant looking coming over his face.

I nodded. "But I'm not your first," and it wasn't a question. I knew that Sasuke couldn't be this good without having kissed someone else before. It didn't make me sad. It didn't even occur to me that I should even be sad that I wasn't Sasuke first. If anything, I was pretty glad that he had the experience that he did. It made everything go a lot smoother than if we both were new to this sort of thing. I didn't feel lost when I was with Sasuke.

"No, you're not." His expression was foreign to me. It made his smile fade.

"Who was your first kiss?" Pure curiosity surged through me. My eyes widened at the prospect of learning something new about Sasuke. He looked a little confused and sat up, his legs straddling me.

He was quiet for a few moments, his eyes focused on something just beyond me. The ground? I wanted to crane my head to see what he could be looking at, but that was impossible. I would hurt myself trying to do something like that. His eyes refocused. "Shikamaru had been my first kiss, and I had been his first," he said, shifting a little.

"Was he as bad as I was?" I asked, laughing briefly.

A small smirk appeared on his lips. "Almost." I had seen Shikamaru kiss Chouji many times. I wondered if he had gotten better by the time he met Chouji. I wanted to ask them both how they met, and why they had decided to be together, but that wasn't possible anymore. I could go to their graves and talk to them, but they would never respond. They wouldn't even hear me in the first place.

"How did you meet Shikamaru?" I supposed I would never know Shikamaru and Chouji's story, but I could hear about Sasuke and Shikamaru's story, if Sasuke would be willing to indulge me. He swung his leg over me and stood up, helping me to my feet. We brushed the dirt off as we walked away from the courtyards. It had felt that it had only been Sasuke and I in the whole enclosure, so it had surprised me briefly to see that other people had still existed. Jackboots, músor, Jews, they all still existed within the walls of the enclosure. The trains sat just outside the wall, and I wondered when it would be leaving. Why had it come in the first place? I turned to look at Sasuke to see that he had been looking around, too. Kissing was an interesting thing to experience.

"Shikamaru and I went to school together for many years," Sasuke began, brushing at his sleeves.

"In Germany?" I asked.

"Yeah. His mother was Polish and his father was German, and they lived in the flats across the street from me. It was his mother that taught me Polish. Well, it's better said that she forced it upon me," he laughed. "She knew and spoke German, but would only speak Polish when she was home unless it was business related or an emergency. It seemed that those situations never occurred when I had been there, and I had been there a lot," he explained. We turned a corner and I saw a bench not too far away. My legs were starting to ache badly, and I led Sasuke to it so we could sit down and rest. "Well, he left before he finished secondary school, and I didn't see him again until I came to Warsaw."

"Why'd he leave?" I asked quickly. I didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted to know more.

"His parents had a bit of a falling out. She took her things and Shikamaru back to Poland, and his father stayed in Germany. I believe that he would have gone after them, but he died a few months after they left. And I suppose his mother died not too long after if he was on the streets here." He looked around. People were spilling out of the stairwells, laying about the doorways. The buildings had filled up quickly when the enclosure first opened and people took to the stairwells. It was near impossible to climb the stairs without stepping on someone or without hands grabbing at passing legs, begging for food. Bodies with newspapers littered the sidewalk nearby, and I could hear the cart banging up the street. It was no longer pulled by a horse, but by two people. I was sure that the horse had been killed and eaten a long time ago. The voices of children could be heard as well, their playful screaming and yelling and laughs echoing throughout the enclosure. I couldn't understand how there were still children alive here, and how they managed to have so much energy. Sasuke's gazed turned to the sky. It was so clear. "He never told me what happened to her."

I know we both wished that we could talk to Shikamaru again. There was so much that I didn't know about him. And there was so much that he would have been able to tell me. I had always gone to him first when there had been something that I didn't understand or wanted to know more about. And he had always been able to explain things to me in a way that made sense in my mind and in a way that I would remember. Shino was my second go-to person, but he always somehow found a way to laugh at me, and I never knew how to feel about that because it wasn't that he was laughing directly at me or laughing about my situation, but, usually towards the end, he would find a way for me to say something that I felt put me in a strange position and he wouldn't be able to help but laugh about it. It felt malicious, but at the same time, it was all in good-heartedness. At least Shikamaru hadn't made me feel so confused, at least not at my own expense. It made me wonder.

"Did you know Shino before, too?" I asked. In the distance, under the sounds of children playing and the cart that had finally made its way to the sidewalk, I could hear the old man yelling out his mantra of Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain! and I almost groaned.

"Briefly. He's a distant cousin of Shikamaru," he said, looking in the direction of the cart. Two men were picking up the bodies by the feet and wrists and tossing them into the back of the cart. They left behind the newspapers because they knew that there would be more dead bodies soon.

"Really? They never told me that," I said astonished. I would have never guessed that they had been related.

"'Why should we mention it? It's not like it matters,' is what Shikamaru had said about the matter when I had asked him about it." Sasuke blew air through his nose, laughing. "Well, one of his relatives had come to visit Germany for month or so, and Shino had come along," he said, leaning back against the bench. "I never knew the details, but it seemed that the relative had gotten into some kind of trouble, and left before it was time, but couldn't take Shino, so he stayed behind for a few more months. We hardly spoke to each other, and stayed to himself most of the time. When we were together and he decided to speak, it was never directed to me, but it was obvious that whatever he said was meant for me. He was, and still is, very passive-aggressive." I didn't know what this meant exactly, but I felt that I had a pretty good idea. I also felt that Shino knew more about Sasuke than he had lead on. "Shino's parents had come for him just before Shikamaru and I started school again. He's half-German, half-Polish, too. He had a German mother and a Polish father. I'm not sure what happened to them, however."

"I feel that Shino wouldn't have told me any of this," I said, rubbing my calves. They were starting to feel a little better.

"Probably not. He's a really private person." Sasuke shifted next to me.

"Hey, Sasuke," I started, shifting as well. "Why are you here in Warsaw?"

"I never told you?" he said, and I shook my head. "Our father had business here and my mother had thought that it would be the perfect opportunity for my brother and I to travel and hone in our Polish. We also had the house here already that had been in the family for generations. We weren't supposed to stay very long, but our father insisted that we stayed. Only Itachi ever had the freedom to leave and come back as he pleased. He would only take me with him back to Germany when he knew he would be coming back to Warsaw soon after." He had turned to look down the street. The old man had made his way up the street, his mantra echoing everywhere. For an old man, he had good lungs.

"Boy and girls! Men and women! We all can go to Candy Mountain!" the old man shouted. He walked past us and caught sight of me and hobbled his way over. He reached his wrinkled hand out to him and I shied away from him. "Young boy! I know it's Spring now, nearly Summer even, but we can still find your warmth at Candy Mountain! For you and your friend both!"

I shook my head and pushed his hand away from my face. "No thanks." I was amazed he even remembered me.

"You'll be left behind if you wait too long! Come while my arms are open wide!" he yelled as he walked away. "Candy Mountain! Let's all go to Candy Mountain!" Sasuke and I watched him turn at the end of the street, his shouts still audible.

"What's his deal?"

"I think something's wrong with him, something wrong with his head," I said, sitting up straight.

"It's too hot for any warmth he could be offering. What that about, then?"

I turned to Sasuke. Damn that old man, bringing up old things that didn't matter anymore. Why did he even remember that? It was definitely too hot to be even thinking about any kind of warmth or heat, stupid old man. But as I thought about it, it was funny that the warmth I had been talking about was Sasuke, and he had been right in the old man's face and the old man didn't know it.

"He had given me coat to wear when the snow had started falling," I lied. Sasuke turned to me. "He had said, 'You'll find all the warmth you need if you come to Candy Mountain with me!' but I only took the coat and went on my way. It hadn't been very warm, but something was definitely better than nothing, I suppose." I found it creepy how smoothly the lie flowed out of my mouth. I wanted to swat its remains from out of the air and clear Sasuke's ears of its filth. But he couldn't know that I had been talking about him.

Sasuke looked back in the direction of the old man. The cart was making its way in the same direction as well. The two men threw another body into the cart. "He surely seems off his rocker." I nodded and looked with Sasuke.

"I want to kiss you again," I said without thinking. I looked at Sasuke, who had already turned to me, the most mischievous smirk on his face.

"That can be arranged."

We broke out into a run, hand in hand. I had the largest smile on my face. It made my face hurt.

We ran through the hedges and alongside the wall until we came to my modified hole.

"Are we crawling through?" I asked.

"No," he breathed and he pushed me against the wall, his lips on mine once more. I parted my lips immediately and his tongue wasted no time coming inside to explore. I tried to recall how he kissed me earlier and how I had acted as so not to do those same things. They made me a bad kisser, and I wanted to get better for Sasuke, but it was hard to focus with his tongue in my mouth and his hands slipping up under my shirt to rub on my chest and back. My hand found their way up to Sasuke's hair, and I pulled him closer, I needed to get closer. I moved my mouth against his in spurts, my tongue darting around in his mouth. Sasuke laughed against my mouth. One of his hands made their way down into the back of my pants and squeezed my buttocks. I moaned into his mouth and he broke away, leaving us both gasping for breath.

"That was better," he gasped, smiling. It made me smile wider and I rested my chin just on his collarbone. I wasn't tall enough to rest my chin on the top of his shoulder. I pulled back the collar of his shirt and kissed the skin over the collarbone, trailing over to the base of his neck. He hummed in his throat and his hand massaged the cheek of my buttock. I placed both my hands upon his shoulders and pulled him down to the ground. He was on his back again and I straddled him. We stared at each other for what seemed like ages, but I could look at him for all of eternity. There was always something new and interesting that I found every time I looked at him. This time, I noticed that Sasuke had a light, circular scar on his neck. I wondered what the story behind that was.

But more importantly, "What do we do from here?" I asked. Kissing was nice, but there had to be more than this, right?

Sasuke's hand left my pants and both of them ran up the length of my back. I could feel his fingers go over the groves of my ribs and I shivered. "You're really that inexperienced, Naruto?" he asked, unbelieving. I never had to deal with any this sort of interaction before. I shrugged.

"Well, there's sex, isn't there?" I asked, sitting up. I could see Sasuke trying to keep a laugh down, and he ended up coughing.

"What do you know about sex?" he rasped, a bit of a laugh escaping.

"I only know that it's supposed to be between two people that love each other, or at least want to do it with each other, I suppose. Shikamaru never got around to explaining it to me. And I didn't want to ask Shino. He didn't seem like the one to ask about this type of thing."

"You don't know how it works at all?"

"I suppose not."

He reach up with is right hand and brushed back a few locks of hair that had fallen in my face.

"There are many ways to have sex," he said, his voice soft. "We couldn't do the basic and traditional way because I would end up hurting you, and I don't want to do that to you, not like that."

I frowned. "Are you sure? Sex is something I want to do with you, Sasuke."

"I'm very sure. But, sex is still something that we can do, but not now. Not here." He used his hand that had brushed my hair back to pull my face down to his and kissed me softly on the forehead, and again on the lips. "It's something I want to do with you, too, Naruto."

I woke up to the sound of soft crying.

The sky was still dark and the room was full of breathing. I didn't move, but only listened, and the sound of shaky breath and a sniffle sounded after a moment.

"Shh, Shino, it's okay," Kiba voice came in a whisper. Shino was crying? Why was he crying? Kiba's voice came again. "She's in a better place, you know. It's okay for you to miss her."

A heavy sigh emptied Shino's lungs. "I hate dreaming about her."

"Was it a bad dream?"

"No. It was perfect," he hiccupped. "Waking up knowing that I'm still in his hellhole ruined it."

"Think of it as her way of talking to you." A kiss sounded lightly.

"He was there, too."

"Your father?"

"Yeah."

He had been dreaming of his parents. I believed that memories of my parents were somewhere deep inside me, but I just couldn't access them. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to see these memories. It made me wonder what Shino's parents had been like. They must have been loving and kind people because Shino wasn't the one to cry about anything. Emotion wasn't something that he let other see. It made me think more about the relationship between Shino and Kiba. Kiba surely knew things about Shino that Shino would never tell or show us. Kiba knew what made Shino happy and what he liked and what his boundaries were. Did I know things about Sasuke that Shino didn't know? Did Shino know that Sasuke liked tomatoes? Or that Sasuke likes his neck to be touched? Did he know that behind his fringe of hair that there was a circular mark on his forehead? When he had been little, a hot spoon had fallen from the counter and burned him on his forehead. After it had healed, Itachi had taken to poking it incessantly. I was sure that Shino did not know these things, and it made me feel privileged and proud to know these things about Sasuke that few others knew.

I fell asleep again when Shino's cries stopped and awoke when Sasuke shifted next to me. I hadn't slept for very long. He faced my back, his arm slung lazily over my waist. A few rays of early sunlight shone through the slats of the attic window. Lee was already awake with Sakura, braiding her hair, which had gotten quite long since we first met her, into two big plaits. She talked only with Lee and very rarely with me. But she never had the same kind of life in her eyes when I spoke to her. She came alive when she was around Lee. When they made their way downstairs for their morning walk, I inched from under Sasuke's arm and went downstairs to sit in the windowsill. I watched Sakura and Lee walk down the street.

Later on in the day, when the sun was coming to rest in the middle of the sky, I went back up to the attic. Shino and Kiba still laid on their padding, naked and sleeping. It was too hot to have clothes on. I myself had only my shorts on only because I went down to sit in the windowsill. Only Sasuke had his clothes on, but they were really thin, so he couldn't be too hot, I suppose. I went over to the other side of the attic where Shikamaru and Chouji used to sleep and sat against the wall. This wall was where all the tick marks were, where I had been learning how to track the days. By this wall, I kept my comb and the calendar that Dr. Umino had given me. At the end of every day, I marked through a day so that when I looked at it the next day, I would know that the next unmarked box was the day for today. Today was the twenty-sixth of June. Dr. Umino's birthday had been exactly a month ago. The last time I went to go visit the orphans, Dr. Umino had given me the calendar and taught me about years. Three hundred sixty-five days made up an entire year, and it had been one thousand nine hundred forty-two years since the calendar had started. He had pulled out a pencil and a piece of paper and wrote down a few of numbers to find out that one thousand nine hundred forty-two years had seven hundred eight thousand eight hundred thirty days, excluding leap days. I remembered the numbers, but I didn't quite understand what it all meant. These numbers were all really large and I couldn't comprehend their size. He told me all of that to tell me that the current year was nineteen forty-two, and this year would end on the thirty-first of December. Nineteen forty-three would begin on the first of January.

I put down the calendar and grabbed the comb. It was usually after the midday nap that Shino would run the comb through my hair, but Shino, Kiba, and Sasuke were already asleep; they didn't get up at all this morning. I always got up in the mornings when the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon to sit in the windowsill. Sakura and Lee would usually get up little later and go on their morning walks. It was only today that I woke up later than usual.

I started at the front, digging the teeth of the comb down to the roots and gently pulling down and worked my way around my head. When I combed thoroughly through my hair, it touched my shoulders, going a little beyond them. But I purposely mussed it until it stuck up at odd angles all over my head. I didn't feel normal if my hair was combed down. I set the comb down next to the calendar and looked over the room. Sasuke lied on his back, his legs spread and his arm over his eyes, just like when he was in the cellar. His other arm rested on his stomach. Shino and Kiba faced each other, their arms over each other. Shino lied a little lower, his face nuzzled against Kiba's chest. With them lying naked together, I could see the drastic difference in skin colour. Shino somehow managed to stay pale, just like Sasuke, while Kiba had naturally tanned skin, like me, though he was a little darker than I was.

Lee and Sakura had come back by then, and they were sitting under the windowsill asleep when I went down to the ground floor. Sakura's head was in Lee's lap, his hand resting on her shoulder. Lee's head lolled to the side a bit, and he breathed lightly. I looked through the window and saw that there were hardly any people about. They were all trying to escape the heat and were probably crammed into the stairwells and hiding in what shade was available.

There was nothing for me to do. Everyone was sleeping.

I sighed.

I sat on the front steps of the house, watching the sun dip below the horizon. I had the calendar in my lap, and I marked off the twenty-sixth. The door opened behind me and I saw Sasuke sit down next to me out of the side of my vision.

"There you are," he said, settling into a comfortable position. "What's that?" He pointed to my calendar.

I handed it to him. "A calendar Dr. Umino gave me."

He opened it and flipped through it, stopping on some of the pages that had circles around its dates. "What are these dates?"

"Birthdays."

He turned to July. "You even have mine circled."

"The twenty-third of July."

"Didn't I tell you that last year? You remembered that from last year?"

I smiled. "I remember birthdays because I cannot remember my own."

"I see," he said. Flipping through the pages again, he mused, "You don't have Itachi's birthday in here."

"I was never told his birthday until now," I said, handing him the pencil. He took it and circled the ninth of June. "How old is he?"

"Twenty-four."

"And you'll be turning nineteen, right?"

He nodded. The left over light from the sun was started to dwindle into darkness. We would have to go inside soon as not to be caught by the curfew. It was quiet for a few moments longer before Sasuke spoke again. "Do you remember anything about your past, Naruto?"

I tried to think back past my time in the cellar. I hardly remembered even coming to find the cellar and living in it for the first time. Nothingness started to set in as I tried to think past that time. I shook my head 'no'. "I only remember living in the cellar and stealing food to survive. I don't remember anything before that."

"Nothing at all."

"Absolutely nothing. Living in the cellar was all I knew."

He was quiet for a moment. Then he turned to me. "Do you want to make up a backstory for yourself? Create a birthday and everything?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Doesn't it feel empty not having an identity?"

"I don't know what that is," I said truthfully. "Besides, I don't think I need one, a backstory that is. You know who I am, Shino, Kiba, Lee, and Sakura know who I am. Anyone new that I meet will know who I am eventually. I'm the same no matter whom I encounter: My name is Naruto. I'm short and tiny. I like the colour orange. I don't care for tomatoes or blueberries. I like strawberries, pumpkin, and I have never eaten an orange before, but I sure that I would like it because it's orange. I used to want to be a Jackboot, but I quickly learned that they are bad people. Now I only want to be free of this place and be with you, Sasuke. Of course there's more, but I'm sure that's enough for now. I know who I am."

"My God," and he pushed his lips against mine, hard and needy. His hands held my both sides of my head. "I don't think I will ever understand how God allowed you to be thrown in here."

In the distance, the trains groaned. Gunshots boomed nearby, and screams dimmed into broken cries only to grow and become screams again. The sun had long since gone down, and I pulled my head up to kiss Sasuke's forehead. I don't think anyone will ever understand how God ever let any person be thrown in here.


End file.
